new and looking for some type of help

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So I am 38 and my 3 year old son had a stroke at birth which supposedly effected the same part of the brain that autism effects. I've been doing research online trying to find out how I could help him and I started noticing here and there things that seemed very familiar. After doing some looking into adults with aspergers I feel like there is a strong possibility that I may have it. I don't have insurance and I'm not particularly interested in an "official diagnosis" right now but I would like to know more about living with adult aspergers. Specifically how folks manage their anger/stress/frustration/anxiety would be helpful. From what I understand the bad builds up without me being aware of it then blows out like an over inflated balloon.
A bit of background, as a kid I was considered bright, mature for my age, but not good around people my own age. I tended to be angry a lot and being alone helped. This all happened in the 80s to early 90s. The counselors I saw in school mostly assumed that I had behavioral issues because my mom was a drunken whore (they said it nicer but I knew what they meant). One even realized I had trouble with other people and mentioned I may have some type of attachment disorder because my mom would leave me alone at a very young age for hours or days at a time. I ended up dropping out of high school and easily got my GED. In college I had no trouble with learning and in subjects that I liked I just had to be in the same room not even paying attention and I aced every test. I got bored after 3 semesters and joined the army reserves thinking I would finish college and get financial help. This was around the same time I found out that my gf was knocked up and had cancer. An abortion and 4 months of military training later life was more confusing. That's about the time the drug use started and my soul went on vacation for a while. Again all of my brokeness was blamed on my childhood. Rehab and a bad marriage later resulted in an attempted suicide because I saw no way out. That was followed by a few more years of trying to stay clean and things remaining confusing.
My current relationship has lasted almost 10 years and I have to say its probably because I have the most amazing wife ever. She encourages me and supports me emotionally which means that I finally have a connection and can stop trying to have friends.
I'm concerned about somehow screwing my kids up if I can't figure out how to fix my broken and my kids are more important than me. So like I said I'm less concerned with if I am on the spectrum than I am with trying strategies to control my emotions. Right now I just walk off which I'm sure is better for my kids than hitting them (I didn't like being hit) but not as good as if I could keep my head and work through it.
Thanks.

actually, walking off is mature and a good example for your kids. then, when you've calmed down, you come back and handle the situation.

Hi,

I can share what has worked for me. I have done quite a bit of self-reflective practice, meditation, and have used techniques like mindfulness and acceptance, ACT and DBT. Self-reflective practice is useful because you develop self-awareness skills. It enables you to identify why something is triggering you and to manage your responses. I found that in order to manage my emotions I had to learn how to be comfortable with feeling intense emotions, and this is something that takes time, persistence and patience. And I had to learn how to express (not repress) those emotions in healthy ways. It is true that it can be a challenge to become aware of when things may escalate because there is a tendency to jump from neutral to extreme (much like those who have experienced trauma). I often find my emotions heighten when I am tired or hungry or both - I can go into meltdown during those times. Having alone time to relax, recharge and reflect is important.

Developing a list of healthy coping and self-soothing strategies (e.g. writing, talking to a friend, listening to music, going for a walk) and thinking back on what strategies have worked in the past is useful. I have done a lot of walking and other forms of exercise e.g. yoga, gym, cycling, and swimming. The person who did my diagnostic assessment actually suggested swimming because it works on quite a few things. It provides a whole body work-out, increases flexibility, alleviates stress and helps you to breathe in the correct way. I think that walking things off when feeling quite tense is a good strategy to deescalate. It is something that is recommended to individuals whose stress-response is easily aroused due to experiences of trauma. So, any physical activity is great for emotion/mood management.

Another strategy for individuals who have experienced trauma or who are naturally over-sensitive (e.g. gifted individuals and people on the spectrum) is to create healthy support networks (friends, associations, groups, services.. etc.). Also, learning about trauma (and its impact on the body), the stress-response and deescalation strategies is something that I have found useful (both for myself and work). I keep mentioning trauma because those on the spectrum have experienced trauma, so the strategies used to resolve trauma (trauma-informed care) is actually relevant for those on the spectrum. I found reading up on trauma and its effects on the body (somatic/psychosomatic pain) as quite enlightening (particularly more current research), and again exercise is recommended to help the body/mind heal.

I have found that cutting down on sugars and other stress stimulating foods is crucial when it comes to managing a naturally over-sensitive or traumatised body. Lastly, it is important to be kind to yourself!

Cheers,

I actually work in the mental health field and provide trauma informed care. I did find the training useful. I find some of my trainings more useful in my own life than others, like when I learned that certain brains need more signals to exit fight or flight than others. I think I'm in that ridiculously difficult to deal with place where I have a pretty good idea what triggers me and I avoid those triggers pretty well but I don't know all of my triggers and when one sneaks up on me I instantly hate myself for not seeing it coming, which makes pulling out of the tailspin of emotions even harder. I would love to be able to exersize the emotions away, I used to walk for hours at a time and that was very therapeutic but with 2 kids that can't be left alone that's no longer an option. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you.