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Hi. I've been lurking the forum for a little while, but I just registered. I'm Lita (not my real name), and quite frankly, I don't know what's going on, but it seems like a lot of other people here are in the same boat I'm in: I think I'm neuroatypical in one way or another, but I just don't know for sure, and I'm hesitant to bring in a professional.

I'm in my 20s, in law school, I'm hopelessly obsessed with Marvel, and I've been very fortunate/successful in my education, professional life, and personal life. I'm an INTJ. I have a few mental health diagnoses, including OCD and related health anxiety, both of which are well-controlled with medication.

Feel free to ignore these next few paragraphs if you have limited time to spend reading:

The whole "neuroatypical" train of thought got rolling last year, when I realized that there was something that set me apart from classmates, mainly that I don't understand why they act the way they do. It's like they interpret the word "professionalism" differently. Professionalism to me is being work-oriented, focused on the task at hand, and keeping a wall between work and personal business. For everyone else, though, there seems to be this very specific way of acting and speaking that comes with it, almost like everything needs to be back-handed. There are a lot of people who I can't "read." It's taken me over a year to realize that for the first time in my life, I'm actually very well-liked by my peers. I get invited out quite a lot, but until it was explained to me that people actually wanted me to hang out and weren't just inviting me out of courtesy, I never went anywhere. I've been fortunate enough to have a core group of friends who explain these social nuances to me, and I'm very thankful for that.

So I thought all that was just me being me for a while, until I watched a documentary about autism and became deeply interested in the topic and the community. That interest lead me to WrongPlanet, and subsequently, to Autism Talk TV. I watched some of the videos, including one or two about social interaction, The way they broke down the mechanics of the interactions reminded me of the way I have been breaking down interactions for as long as I can remember. I tend to go step-by-step like that. Previously, I had just thought that was how everyone had learned to socialize, and that everyone else was thinking it through and deciding what moves to make next the way I was.

Then, I took the AQ Test. I've taken it a few times over the past year, consistently scoring in the low 40s. Most recently, I scored a 41. I don't know what to make of that, and I tend not to like to self-diagnose. Aspergers would explain a lot, but on the other hand, I've done just fine without a diagnosis so far, better than I think I would have otherwise. I also worry about my professional reputation and how that would be affected if this turned out to be more than speculation.

So, that's me, and that's why I'm here.

\/\/elcome Lita to Wrongplanet.

Nice to meet you! Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Lita,

I think, if you're patient and keep posting here, others will begin to respond more and more to your questions and comments. please give it time and be patient with yourself. It sounds like you're taking many of the right steps (trying to learn as much as possible from various sources) in order to answer you big questions. Pursuing a law degree must make you a busy person. I have a graduate degree and have never been diagnosed with AS, but I sure wished I would've had some clue, while in school, as to why I processed things differently. I, too, wonder if maybe it would be best for me not to try to pursue an official diagnosis - the professional ramifications. So I don't think you're wrong to feel hesitant. As a friend on here told me, "Just doing your own research and gaining a better understanding of yourself can,
potentially do much more for your happiness than an official diagnosis." But, I'm no expert...and certainly you need to love & trust yourself to recognize what a good next-step is for you. Just be patient with yourself. "Neurotypicals" (NTs) may not understand you - at all. They may even (sometimes) think your behaviors odd. But, as the same good friend (I was tellin' you about) told me: "You must honor, accept, and respect yourself, no matter others' reactions, because NT brains just may not have the capacity to understand you." (No one's at fault for neuro-differences.) I think the fact that you're recognizing that 'something's up' is a major step. You're only in your twenties. (I'm nearly 40.) Your life must be so fast-paced. (I remember grad. school!). The important thing to remember is that no, one, person or test or experience will give you all the answers...and ya don't hafta have all-this figured-out soon. NOW! I'M NOT SAYIN' YOU'RE AT FAULT FOR RUSHING ANYTHING HERE - it's just that, I can sense your slight frustration with wanting answers soon. Hey, that's ok. (There's about a million things I'm slightly frustrated with haha!)You just keep bein' you, ok? Hopefully each person who ever responds to you - no matter where or when - will gently point you in the right direction - a direction of peace and understanding.

If you have AS/ASD, I think it's just a longer road to peace and understanding/acceptance. Sure, it's frustrating to wait longer, but what can ya do, except love yourself? Cuz how your brain's wired is not your fault!!

As you know, science is your friend, so keep trying to - at your own pace - research your concerns. It's good that you are surrounded with classmates who want to be around you. You must be doing/learning something right. Maybe they can sense your desire to be a positive person. I know how lonely it can seem to not understand NT social cues and how lonely it can seem when NTs don't care nearly as much about learning as they do "acting 'cool'" and gossipy.

Everyone on this board has both uniqueness and flaws. So do your classmates and teachers, and any potential therapists. Life's not easy for anyone. Maybe it's especially difficult for people on this board, but we have so much to be thankful for and at least we have each other.

Don't let anyone make you feel that your uniqueness is messing-up your life or plans. If you get into a profession that's not a good fit, you'll sure, as hell, find-out quick. At least you'll know - and it'll suck, but at least you'll be moving away from the suckiness and doing what's better for you and your personality. If law is what you love, then you'll know. If not, you'll know. Just don't let other people's politics guide you.

What I think, from everything you wrote: Surely, you're on the right track, so, surely, you are to be congratulated. (Yes, really.). Keep-up the patient, daily learning!

Signed,
Just tryin' to understand & help ("WilFindUndrstndng")

Welcome

If it helps at all, you'll find that some people with AS can change quite drastically as they get older.

I know that I am more closer to NTs now than I was 10 years ago, and 20 years ago, I was definitely a text book Aspie.