All About HelixShade

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Or rather, the obligatory "Hi all, I'm new!" thread.

So, let's start with that I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at the age of 2. As you can imagine, I don't remember anything about that particular incident - in fact I would not learn that I was even afflicted with AS until some years into Secondary School. Up until then, I thought much of what was going on was fairly typical. Not once did I question why I had "support teachers" or got sent off to special playgroups for a time over the holidays.

If some of the above sounds weird, it's because I am British. That's all I'm going to say on the topic without leaking out more information.

I mainly came to Wrong Planet for life advice and company. Four years ago yesterday I was a happier, shinier individual. Today though, a lot has changed to being bitter, insular and sour. It doesn't help that I am cursed with a photographic memory for every little misdeed I've done, every falling out I ever caused. I'm stuck in a position where I don't want to be a rotten individual - and deep down I keep telling myself I'm not - but life, the internet and even some darker parts of my own personality have come to the fore, and all of these wrongdoings (among other things) come back to claw and haunt me at night when I sleep.

If the last paragraph hasn't clued you in, a big part of my issue is that I am a super-emphatic individual - quick to apologize, quick to make bad choices and do the wrong thing, and extra fanatical in righting wrongs - my own specifically, but I do try to be selfless whenever possible. It's reached the point where "I'm sorry" is a common verbal tick.

I'm also a rather secretive man. Even my "real name" is not really my real name (Thanks Deed Poll!). Then again, I remain paranoid that elements are watching me at all times, looking for a time where I'll screw up and they can leak a bunch of my secrets on the Internet to try and create another Chris-Chan like figure.

Yes, I acknowledge I am a major Headcase. That was also another User Name I was going to use. I'll have to put that one on the list...

My goals in life? Well, I'm not sure at this point. See, most careers people try roping me into I'd either end up physically maiming myself or end up going crazier than your average Call of Cthulhu RPG player. And anything creatively I've tried to do has either fallen flat (Video/Article creation, Modding) or I just straight up suck at it (Art & Creative Writing). The worse part is trying to find the classes to take for these subjects is running out - the cut off age for College in England I hear is 24. Once that comes around, if I can't go places, I'm effectively screwed.

I still perform a lot of my creative studies, but over the years this has gotten less and less frequent as my ability to find a career in these fields has failed, and in many cases has actually gotten worse instead of better. A picture from two or even four years ago looks better than anything I can manage today. I compare immediately to Warhammer 40,000 in this instant - trying to create new things cobbled together from half remembered glories of bygone ages.

At any rate, I've been talking long enough. I'm subscribed to this thread, so I should be able to see if anyone replies back.

Welcome, HelixShade
And where in the country are you?
I hope your situation improves

I don't know if I am allowed to say - Internet Security and all. What I will say is that I currently reside around the East Midlands region of England.

Welcome to WP.

2 years old is unusually young for a diagnosis of Asperger's, though it's not for classic autism.

Well, that's what I was told. By my harlot of a mother at any rate, so Your Mileage May Vary on just how accurate that is. What I can say is that I am a very high functioning Autistic as of now.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!