History
People here and there have asked if I was autistic/had Asperger syndrome since nursery. I have always been dubious about the first query because I expect that if was behaving in an unusual manner, it was simply because I was two years old had not yet learnt behaviour from any peers. And I have often assumed that these people merely observed traits which superficially resemble those of Asperger syndrome, especially as it is depicted in popular culture (i.e. quirky, socially inept savants). More recently, I have been compared with Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory (they find it charming) although, frankly, I rarely meet educated people these days and my accent (British received pronunciation) has the proverbial effect of a pair of glasses.
However, other people who have suspected this include an educational psychologist (our appointment was about an unrelated matter) and my own older sister. I denied it to the former. At the time, I was thinking applying for medical school, which meant that I needed to convince people that I had strong sense of empathy. But my sister knows me and I am taking her suggestion seriously.
The Triad
I have attempted to compare my personality to the following:
Quote:
The three main areas of difficulty
Social communication
People with autism sometimes find it difficult to express themselves emotionally and socially. To give some examples, you may:
•have difficulty understanding other people’s gestures, facial expressions or tone of voice
•be unsure about when to start or end a conversation, or how to choose topics to talk about
•talk or read very fluently but not fully understand the meaning of some of the more complex words and phrases you use
•be very literal and sometimes struggle with jokes, metaphors, sarcasm or common turns of phrase, such as 'She nearly bit my head off'.
Social interaction
Plenty of people with autism want to be sociable and make friends, but often say they're unsure how to go about this. Socialising can be difficult and may cause considerable anxiety. To give some examples, you may:
•find it hard to make and maintain friendships
•find other people unpredictable or confusing
•not always understand the unwritten 'social rules' that other people just seem to know. How close do you stand to another person? How do you know what's an appropriate topic of conversation?
•be unsure how to behave in different social situations, and worry about getting things wrong.
Social imagination
People with autism have difficulty with social imagination. To give some examples, you may:
•find it hard to understand or interpret other people's thoughts, feelings or actions - and therefore to understand their intentions or to predict what they're going to do next
•not always be comfortable with the idea of change, and prefer to stick to a routine
•enjoy carrying out particular activities, or learning about certain topics, which as well as being enjoyable you may find really beneficial. Perhaps they help you to relax, or to deal with anxiety.
So far as I am aware, I have a neurotypical grasp of "social communication". I can't think of many times I have been unable to understand expressions or tone. So far as I know, I can detect sarcasm, innuendo etc. as well as most people. I may also be susceptible to non-facial body language, but I rarely consciously notice non-facial body language at all so I don't know.
The described traits I have seen associated with "social interaction" are broader; I do meet them, but I'm sure the same could be said for a large fraction of the neurotypical population. I used to have friends in before university, when they were people I met at school everyday. Since then, I have lost them. I'd say the closest I have left is an old flatmate who has texted me about twice a year.
I find it more difficult to judge whether or not I have difficulty with social imagination. I was poor at humanity subjects and English in school in which I felt that I had to understand what the examiner wanted me to say rather than there being an true absolute answer. This ineptitude also extends to psychometric tests in which I am required to choose an appropriate action in a customer service or office politics scenario. I fail such tests for "unskilled" jobs, even when a small literacy and numeracy section (in which tend to perform well) is included. In some creative writing tests, I couldn't think of an answer at all. For example, one question was "Write about an experience which you found embarrassing at the time, but funny later". My usual solution there was to prepare a generic stock story and alter according to the question given.
I only tend to rigidly adhere to routine if I'm unable to create a new version. This is typical of my job applications, although if I am genuinely interested in it and I have not applied to something similar before, I find improvisation easier. In fact improvised honesty is always easier I find (because it involves less improvisation than fabricating new messages I suppose).
I don't really have hobbies. To be honest, I'm terrible at multitasking when indefinite projects are involved. In this case I have been unsuccessfully trying to secure a career since my mid-teens (I am 22 and almost two years out of university now). Consequently, I only do things that are constructive or that provide instant gratification. This includes various job seeking activities on one end and video games on the other. Reading, physical and creative pursuits have fallen by the wayside. Although even before that, a lot of hobbies seemed pointless to me and I resented having to adopt extracurricular pursuits, so nothing came of any of them. Therefore I have not developed any talents outside my studies. On the other hand, I know more RPG gaming trivia than I would care to admit and when I debate about it on forums, I think it actually demands more critical analysis than my degree course (biochemistry) did.
Conclusion
Now I've typed all that out, I can't remember what my point was. Aside from what the title says. I suppose one thought that's been crossing my mind more recently is that I've overestimated my social skills; I knew that I couldn't persuade people to give me my way, but I thought I could understand them as well as the next person. But if I can't, how would I know that other people know better about each other. And if can't analyse my own behaviour, maybe I'm not fully analysing the behaviour of others.
That must be quite enough for now.
24 Feb 2014, 1:17 pm
