Greetings

Post Reply New Topic

Hello there, fellow Autism users of this forum.

As you see, I'm new here. I really joined today, and I hope to stay long here. I googled and found this site. I found that was about time I could find myself in a community that accepts me, even if online. So, for something about me:

Hi, I'm Henrique Parise, I'm a 15 year old teenager guy, living in Bern, Switzerland. I'm actually Portuguese, I grew in the region of Cascais until due to economic reasons my parents lost their job. After finishing the 6th grade, the whole family moved here. I learnt what I needed to, finished Middle school, and I'm now on Highschool. I did all this in 3 and half years. I'm a very close and shy person at first sight, but once I'm acknowledged with the people I'm in (or class), I behave pretty wild or pathetically (mainly if I forget my meds). Pathetically maybe for some people, it's just me. But if you look into me, if you find me interesting or want to be good friends, I can be a great guy. I'm kind, friendly and very caring. I'm also a strong person who won't give up so easily and holds a nice smile throughout the day. Otherwise, I'm a pretty fun guy I love as any other teen to watch anime, read manga, and I'm a passionate gamer (since I'm 7). I play the piano since 5 and half years. I was also diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome 5 and half years ago. I share a big interest for aviation (I play flight simulators and other things alike), music, firearms, informatics, games, and politics.

My life's been like that. It was always. And it should've been, but I've went into a depression that keeps getting deeper and deeper into me, grasping my hope out and screwing me up. In early October I met this girl online at an anime community chat. She showed intereset, we RPed together, and we got to be good friends. We really liked each other a lot, and it came to reveal feelings we had for each other. We started to act really like lovers towards each other, although it only got official some time later. It only lasted 2 weeks. As in the start of the 2nd week, something bad had happened to her, she got even more depressed then she was (She has been an Emo since 3 years, something I discovered rather late). As a caring person, and as she was my love of my life, everything I was ready to risk for, I tried to help her to get back on her feet, to help her... I failed. I would never understand how she was doing. At the end of the weak, she decided to lock her heart and leave me. I was crushed, the emptiness I felt made me spend that night with a knife next to me, close enough for a quick grasp. I didn't know what to do without her, she was one of my few important meanings in life. She had showed me what life had to offer, and she just left me like that. After a few weeks I had gotten better, but then my grades started to go downhill. As an immigrant, Highschool is really hard here (as only 1/5 does Gymnasium, the other 4/5 does an apprenticeship), mainly as I suffer from AS and I only have had 3 years of German and 2 of French. I first didn't let myself down and worked extremely hard on it. But one day I decided to give up and let myself go. That was since start January as I got my 1st semester grades. It was no use, and my depression has gotten to a critical level. I have had really bad thoughts, sadnesses, tiredness and suicidal ideas. I didn't see any future, either career or personal related, so why keep struggling in my pain? I had planned many times, cried at nights and suffered during the day. I showed an non happy face in school, the only one. Yet, no one cared, because they have their happy important life's.

That's it what I've experienced by now. I would need much more words, even some I can't express in words by typing on this keyboard. But I can't forget the fact I'm not alone, and killing myself is giving up. This depression has changed me, I lost interest for what I wanted, I don't smile and I'm not happy as I was before. If I could, I would just leave school now, and try to help myself. But I met someone who's important to me and will always be by my side. Althought I'm still depressed and suicidal, as by now, recently, decided it has to change. There are days where I'm really down, mainly after a nice relaxing weekend. But I'll try my best to stand tall and make through it. I had lost my continuous support on my old school, and High is harder then Mid. Those factors contributed for my bad grades. Also, as an Autistic person, there are things I have no interest in and will never be able to do fully well, and on those I'm good on, that I like, I can show huge performances. I decided to contact a psychologist, and this forum too. I don't care if it's online, rather have true friends on the net then fake ones on real life (I do have a few though, maybe 3). I want to get into my circle of people, who understand and accept me. That's why I'm here, to better myself. Because I know and I hope, and wish to one day be happy again as I always want, the "me". I know it will take sometime, but I'll be able to. And I'm also aware it will get easier for me as I progress. My future? I don't know. But so long I have a few steps where there's no fog in my vision, I can live. I can live with that. I'm planning to exit school (as my grades are insufficient), and do an apprenticeship on the informatics.

This introduction has turned into the redaction of my life recently. But at the end, it was what I planned. I hope you enjoyed reading, and I'm thankful. I hope I got myself closer to the people here, and I'll get to know friendly characters here. If you want to know more about me, or a specific question, just ask me. I only sleep 6 hours a day really, I'm mainly under way with my phone (as I'm prohibited to use my laptop during the week due to the recent academic problems I've gotten, and that my parents are not happy), so I can check any time if you send a private message or anything of sort.

Have a nice rest of a day or night.

Hi. Welcome to Wrong Planet. Hopefully things will improve with your school and your grades will get better.

Well, it wasn't exactly enjoyable enjoyable reading ... Sorry to hear about your troubles and suicidal thoughts.

Are you sure you want to give your real name in this forum? Someone else might see and use it against you (we've all been bullied in school, and potential future employers might google you, too).

Not many people here from Switzerland. Welcome!

Henrique, hi. no need to face depression all alone. medicine and talk therapy both help. if your school knows you're depressed, they might give you a second chance on the academic track, if that's what you wish. please don't let depression rule your life.

I love that you play the piano. I took lessons, but just don't have the manual dexterity to be good at it.