17 going on 18 years of marriage. The majority of our marriage I have spent feeling alone. We have 3 kids and all the normal trappings that go along with a normal family life. My husband is very different. At 1st through my own therapy it was thought that he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Now its clear he has Aspurgers syndrom. In some ways I am relieved. It easier to think that all the hurtful disregarding of my feelings or the inappropriate social comments had little to do with intent to hurt. Its just the way he processes information and how he reacts or just plain doesn't. I am going to learn what I can about aspurgers in hopes of relating better. I just feel overwhelmed with saddness. One for not knowing and two because I have invested so much time in trying to make things work. I should say work better for me in the sense of getting the emotional support I needed from marriage. He thinks everything is just fine. If I bring a topic of concern up he rarely replies nor makes a change. He never tells me what he needs from me in our relationship. If I ask he has nothing to say.
I don't know if I can make this marriage work if I am the only one who sees and feels we have a problem. I feel horrible for being upset when its his challenge then angry because he functions well enough on his own just oblivious to others needs, likes or dislikes. I want to let the past 17 years go and move forward. I just don't know how to. Then I think of all the things a relatively normal relationship has and my heart hurts because I don't see that as a path I can take with him.
12 Mar 2014, 11:35 am
