My "awakening" to Aspiness - How did it happen for

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Hi all, this is my first post here. I'm Alienor (well, thats the origin of my real name but im staying a little undercover for now, if thats ok?). Im female, 28 and live in the north of England.

I have no sense of time, but about 6 weeks ago my dad died and I started to research his hoarding condition. That led to looking into the brain processes involved and in the week following my dads death all I did was "research" why he had to live the way he did. He was a ridiculously talented man who ruined his own life and hurt the people around him. I could not drag my eyes away from my laptop/phone/ipad and felt, even more than usual, that I was being starved of information- I neeeeded to know more, and more on this subject and no amount of hours satisfied or relaxed me like usual. I found this research lifted the guilt of having been unable to help him because I found there was nothing I could have done- eg. interventions are never successful.

Meanwhile, I was supposed to be grieving but instead had some sort of brain re-wiring, in a literal sense. While I observed all of these changes I found I just did not have the focus to keep up the front of being a normal person. Anything I usually worked on suppressing (like preaching to people, being disinterested or sounding egotistical) just came out. It was the first time in my life I allowed myself to be myself, but only because I felt I had no choice or I'd go mad.

I can often feel the patterns of electricity in my head- the literal 'block' across the top left of my head when I try to make myself do something but somehow cannot send the signal to my muscles, and the static whizzing side to side in the middle-front brain when I'm in a bit of a manic mood etc. I had described these to people before and I guess they thought i was imagining it, or using it as an excuse for not doing what I should... So I decided to test my hypothesis (this is my favourite thing ever!)- Would my problems match up to those parts of the brain involved? I found the "block" I feel is in fact in an area important for executive function, and every brain scan or documentary I watched matched up to what I'd felt. Wow! I'm not mad and I'm not imagining it. I really can observe and control my own brain (and therefore my body) in an unusual way.

Then I googled something like "connections between brain lobes left right sides" and stumbled across an article about the female aspect of aspergers. This changed my life- my awkward childhood, illogical strengths and weaknesses, weird quirks and mental health problems all suddenly (visually) swooped together and clicked neatly into place. I watched a video by Wendy Lampen where she explains how she thinks... and it was MY brain, then videos from rudy simone, temple grandin and AJ Mahari. Oh my god, I'm not alone in the world!

The final piece of the puzzle- the sensory/immunal problems I have- came together when an automatically-played audio track on an autism website said something like "imagine if your skin burned constantly, reacting to sunlight and even water". I felt bad for relating to that so much, because they were describing very ill children and my skin is usually bearable, but my severe "eczema" has caused me so much unhappiness throughout my life.

Anyway, you are entitled to be skeptical as I've self-diagnosed, but I'm 100% convinced that my brain type is what the medical profession call Aspergers syndrome.

I'd like to know how all of you found you had aspergers, and your experience with diagnosis, friends and family afterwards. The GP and psychiatric nurse who referred me have been quick and very understanding, but everyone else just keeps saying "you're looking into things too much" (Pleeaaaaase someone explain how you can ever have too much information if you make sure you look at all sides of an argument?! !!), "You dont want to label yourself" or "Oh, dont be silly, those things apply to everyone". I want to scream at them but instead I desperately need to be alone, away from their pitying looks. I'm EXCITED for god's sake- I've found the answer to all of my problems and I have the ability to learn myself out of them! x

Welcome...Alienor!

Alienor,

I don't have aspersers myself, but I couldn't believe some of our other commonalities. I, too, can feel sensations in my brain when I'm thinking/processing/doing things. I usually have tried to dismiss it after I brought it up to my sister once, not thinking about it, and she told me "That couldn't happen, people can't feel their thoughts." I had never thought it was something unique to me before that but then I found out most people really don't. It's encouraging to find out someone else has had this same experience as myself.

I also thought it was interesting that you have eczema, as I do too. I have pretty major skin problems since I was a little girl. At the time we thought I was just allergic to grass with some other mild food allergies (other than tree nuts which cause me anaphylaxis). I didn't find out until a few years ago that when I don't eat gluten nearly all the skin issues clear up, though it takes a long time (as much as 2-4 months sometimes).

You may want to look into Dermatisis Herpetiformis, I only recently found out that's what the skin disorder associated with gluten intolerance, or Celiac, is called. There's a bunch specific information if you look it up. Gluten has also been linked to thyroid conditions and other brain disorders. I experience heavy brain-fog, manic mood swings, fatigue, and depression in addition to breaking out in a symmetrical, blistery rash from head to toe. Maybe your symptoms are different but it's good to look into and maybe try a 30-day gluten-free diet and see if you notice any significant differences.

As far as your question, like I said it does not apply to me, but my husband and I are in the process of determining if he's got a self-diagnosis. He's had several friends with aspersers and I had the thought cross my mind not long after I met him, but after we'd been dating for a while I thought maybe I should really find out what aspersers meant -- and I was amazed at how much it sounded like our experience. The run-on one-sided conversations (which I do enjoy) of downloading information, sensitivity to touch and sound, misunderstandings, usually stemming from interpretation of tone or gesturing -- it all sounded typical of he and I'd interaction and matched up with his stories of how socializing had gone for him since elementary school. We're still learning, but I'm also glad to have a name for the phenomena my husband experiences.

I'm new here too, I hope you keep in touch and check out that stuff about gluten! Hopefully it helps!

Thanks,
MR (I'm also a fan of anonymity)

I too had awful eczema until I went gluten free and lactose free. No trouble since then.

Welcome to the Wrong Planet Alienor.

Hi and welcome! The way I found out I had Asperger's? Years of struggling with something I knew most others weren't. I hate to sound cliche, I typed my symptoms in to Google. Tons of results for Autism and Asperger's was the result. I studied practically everything I could find for about 2 years. Every day I'd spend hours on it. Every self test I found came to the conclusion I had it. I had 6 hospitalizations for mental health reasons. Finally I asked them to test me for Autism. About 6 weeks ago, what do you know? I get a specialist from out of state. She said I was Autistic, most likely Asperger's. A few days later I got a copy of the full report on the testing. It was so blatently obvious while reading it, but no one had a clue what was going on with me my whole life up until then. Anyways I'll stop typing now. I hope you enjoy tis forum and gain useful knowledge!
-Nate

Thanks for all your posts. Nice to meet you. My phone and ipad wont let me sign in here :/ so I'm back on the old laptop.

With regard to wheat allergy- I have tried wheat/gluten free diets in the past, for up to 3 months, with not much effect, but have never tried giving up dairy. The reason I just can't keep it up is that I'm allergic to so many other things I'd be left to eat meat and cooked vegetables only, and the expensive gluten free breads etc. I need sooo much food to survive haha, and crave carbs and cheese when I'm lethargic. I do have a balanced diet (as balanced as the allergies/ my abilities allow). I desperately want to bake my own spelt bread and cook everything from scratch as I feel "contaminated" by the additives in anything else, but the fact cooking for me is exhausting and takes far longer than most people. 2 nights of "proper" cooking is about all I can manage at the moment.

I hope to get myself back on track, including de-sensitising myself to some of the other food reactions, Then I'm definitely going to give the wheat/gluten and dairy free diet another go, thanks

MercuryRising- "I, too, can feel sensations in my brain when I'm thinking/processing/doing things."
Your the only person who's ever responded like that - its great to know i'm really not "mad", whatever that is. I get the "that couldn't happen, people can't..." reaction to almost everything i notice about my body or things around me. So frustrating that people don't even have the courtesy to stop to think about it, just automatically judge everything as impossible if they dont already have experience of it
I dont pretend to know anything, but from my "theories" (based on "research" into the science of "matter", psychology, hypnotism, and eastern medicine) it means you could have the ability to change your body more than others, (possibly using the same biological mechanisms/brain connections that a chameleon uses to change colour). Basically, you could heal yourself quicker by focusing "positive thoughts/healing feelings" towards the part of your body that needs to heal. If you're quite "in-tune" with your brain activity then you will be more "in-tune" with your instinct and maybe should follow your instinct more when you "feel" a food or activity is bad for you. Argh I didnt mean to go on so much sorry.

Nateman- that describes exactly how i feel: "years of struggling with something I knew most others weren't". I couldn't understand how I was and could appear to be such a strong, resilient person, "insensitive" to horror films/ TV violence/bullying etc (unless it was animal cruelty) and have so much courage/stupidity in situations others would think of as threatening, yet I could feel so much anxiety and obsess about justice or social issues or other "special interests" to the extent i couldn't function. I feel I use far more energy than other people, but I still end up being able to do/be interested in less "normal" everyday things than anyone around me.

Thanks again and I know I will love this forum- so much knowledge and not as much meaningless fake chit-chat as some forums. The people here are on to gain information and they give back where they can.

I realise I am not very anonymous ha, but at least google cant find me toooo easily.

Welcome.. I am just figuring all of this out too.

Cool to see someone else getting the hang of it O-o

I have absolutely no sense of time at all and have also felt the "brain-wall" many times. I don't know what the differences are between male and female, but my twin sister is very aspie as well, and her sensory issues are with smells. Mine are with lights and sounds. Anyways, she is very sensitive to gluten and her son who is diagnosed aspergers has a dairy and egg allergy. She had to start baking a lot so she could use egg replacers and non-dairy milks and make recognizable food items which she and her son could actually eat without any problems. Going out to eat with her family is on a whole'nother level!