Hi all,
The purpose of this entry is to get out the fact that I could have an autism spectrum disorder. I've been sitting on this information for weeks now telling not a soul, and even if no one replies, I know it's not just swirling around solely in my head for naught to acknowledge. I'll try to keep this medium length.
I'm at the point in life where one typically has at least a close friend and/or a partner - I have neither. I really struggle with romantic relationships (I thought it was going well!) and my friendships always die (what did I do this time?) I've been in counseling and psychiatric offices for 7 years now for issues dealing with the tricky social aspects of life. Though never diagnosed with anything (at the university clinic, they don't diagnose), I have received treatment (counseling and meds) for but not limited to: adjustment disorder, social anxiety, depression (major and dysthymia), intermittent explosive disorder, bipolar II disorder, possible borderline personality disorder, possible avoidant personality disorder, and the latest, "the beginnings of a psychotic disorder". Though each covered a little bit of what I was experiencing, nothing covered it all.
Then I watched an obscure movie, and I was like, I act like her in some respects. Did some reading up on the movie, saw that the character "could" be an Aspie. I did some research on Asperger's and the message that resonated most with me was that women, especially adult women with Asperger's, present differently than their male counterparts. More research and I think Asperger's (though now dissolved by the DSM-V, but y'all know that) fits the bill better than any of the others listed above. (I exhibit trouble with communication and social issues, sensory processing issues, have been bullied, exhibit poor fine motor skills, and as a babe, I was seen by specialists due to several developmental delays. Had I been born a little bit later, this may have been caught). Additionally, my most recent counselor, who I see for social skills training, also suspects Asperger's. We arrived at this conclusion independently.
To end: I hope I'm in the right place. I think I am. Just a bit more on me: on the AQ Test I score about 40 (N=>5). On the Rdos Aspie Quiz I'm 145/200 Aspie, 56/200 Neurotypical (N=3). My Myers-Briggs personality is ISTJ, and my Enneagram Type is a Five. I'm just looking for somebody to tell.
Thanks.