Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

businezguy
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 119

02 Jun 2014, 1:14 pm

I was told an Aspie was a lover of Aspen, CO skiing! Then I come to this forum and can't believe what I'm reading. What's WRONG with YOU PEOPLE!

All kidding aside, 3 days ago something clicked in my brain and I decided to see if perhaps I had Asperger's syndrome. What actually happened was my son graduated kindergarten along with a next door neighbor's son (who will need to repeat, unfortunately). We decided to combine the parties. The neighbor's son was acting out throughout the day, and many characteristics and traits he displayed just didn't seem normal.

After the party, and in true Aspie form, I sat and contemplated that boy. It simply bothered me, and while I don't show it, I have genuine sympathy for the plight of others. Was this child acting the way he way he was because of his environment at home? I had enough exposure to the child's parents to ultimately rule this out. They aren't the most sophisticated types, and the father can be distant and also seem disappointed with the child. But I saw him interact with a daughter from another mother, and he was perfectly relaxed and loving. No, it seemed to me like the father's behavior towards the child might be more of a reflexive behavior towards the child's behavior, unable to deal with the unusual characteristics the child displayed.

Once I safely ruled out the environment as the cause, I decided to focus on other conditions that could cause behavioral issues, most likely at birth (of course I kept the possibility he might have been abused outside of the family, but the kid was really isolated with his immediate parents). So I sat there in a comfortable chair and just thought. While I've always known this is not normal, I can somehow very quickly flash through information in my head and have my brain automatically say it out loud. I can somehow rule out the symptoms almost instantaneously and move to the next condition. Autism, schizophrenia, lead poisoning. There's something about the kids appearance, he's cute, but what is it? William's Syndrome, leukemia...wait a minute, what was that last one? And the secretary in my brain automatically reads it back to me. That sounds about right, but let me confirm it.

I spent about 5 hours researching it, comparing the child's photo to other confirmed cases of the infliction. I also read about behavioral characteristics, the most obvious being he was extremely extroverted and friendly, especially with adults he didn't yet know well. There were even obscure traits, like the fact that he's left handed, all of which narrowed down the diagnosis. There was no doubt in my mind, I had successfully diagnosed a kid with a rare condition that wouldn't normally be suspected. How in the hell did I do that? I suddenly remembered an episode of House where he was suspected of having Asperger's syndrome, and while I recalled in the episode nothing conclusive ever came of it, I began to wonder about myself.

So I decided to read up on Aperger's syndrome, and compare it to my own experiences. Apparently folks with Asperger's can be very visual. As an example, they can easily visualize a character in a novel bases on the description the author gives. Sure enough, when a picture of the character is provided, what I thought in my mind is pretty much what I pictured. But, you have to understand, I thought everybody could do that! It never occurred to me this was something unusual.

Basically, it pretty much went on like that. In a few hours, reading late into the night, I discovered more about myself then I ever have in my entire life. Entire doors of understanding were being opened before my eyes. I can get a deep seated anger, and would bite my right pointer finger to the point it is calloused. Yet at the same time I have a gentleness about me that seems to contradict the anger. Now I realize it's more then ANGER, it's frustration over my attempts to futilely use logic to make sense of certain information over the course of a day. Was that lady smiling at me because she's attracted to me, or was the enjoying a private joke at my expense? Why am I thinking that in the first place, am I just paranoid about wha other people think of me? It turns out I'm not! I'm just unable to understand the meaning behind the smile. It turns out as well, that others (being most of the population) *can* usually grasp the meaning behind said smile.

Seriously, it's like I'm not in Kansas anymore, Toto! For the past three says, my mind has been blown! I thought maybe I just wasn't willing to put in the effort to make friends, or I was just too cowardly to go into a nightclub to meet a lady friend. Heck, I was even beginning to wonder if I DESERVED to pursue the opposite sex. Maybe my heart wasn't into it (even though I can assure you, I knew I appreciated the female of the species).

So here I am, posting at the age of 37 (I took some tests to confirm my diagnosis), and I realize I've come along way learning about myself in a short period of time. There have been times, as I read about my condition, that I came to tears as I realized I was born with a condition that isn't my fault. It's just a relief to know IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

So I find myself a father of a 6 year old boy, a widower of two years, raising my son on my own, and with Asperger's Syndrome. I'll be able to make some necessary adjustments in order to best raise him. Ironically, in terms of being a father, it's come somewhat naturally to me for the most part. I have strong paternal instincts. But now I feel like I can focus on myself more effectively, as well as making some adjustments on how I raise my son.

I realize this is just a first step, but it feels good to be at a first step instead of a FALSE STEP, a place which I've found myself at so many times before. I'm sure I'll be active on this forums and enjoy interacting with you all. Well, until I inevitably dump you as my special interest and pursue something else. :D



Aspendos
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 394
Location: Switzerland

02 Jun 2014, 4:33 pm

Hi. I'd suggest to see a professional specializing in diagnosing autism in adults. Please keep in mind that what you read is usually written with children in mind and may present very differently in adults. While it is not possible to assess you online, I'd have to say that you do not sound autistic to me. So maybe don't get overexcited just yet?

businezguy wrote:
Apparently folks with Asperger's can be very visual. As an example, they can easily visualize a character in a novel bases on the description the author gives. Sure enough, when a picture of the character is provided, what I thought in my mind is pretty much what I pictured. But, you have to understand, I thought everybody could do that! It never occurred to me this was something unusual.


I am diagnosed, and I can't visualize characters (or landscapes or anything else) in novels. I ascribe this inability to Asperger's. People on the autism spectrum in general are said to prefer non-fiction.



businezguy
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 119

02 Jun 2014, 8:48 pm

I agree, I should seek out a professional who can properly diagnose autism, but aside from what you've pointed out, do you have any other reasons you don't think I have Asperger's?

I've read that many who have Asperger's prefer non-fiction as well. I prefer non-fiction myself. Perhaps you took the novel reference to mean I preferred fiction. I love history and true crime novels. Although I do read fiction from time to time, and enjoy some science fiction.

I've read that most folks with Aperger's are visual. Here is an EXTREMELY long article I just found using Google that seems to affirm many of the other sites that said the same thing:

(Sorry, I'll have to post the link later, they want me to prove I'm legit and I can't say I blame them. Let me try this:

Nope, too smart for me...

Please understand, I put a fair amount of research into this so far and continue to do so. Does EVERYTHING match the symptoms of Aperger's in my life? Absolutely not, but I continue to take tests online and each is stating in no uncertain terms I have a strong tendency towards Asperger's.

No doubt, I'll seek a pro and see what they think, and I thank you for your reply.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

02 Jun 2014, 8:59 pm

I'm an Aspergian who is quite UNvisual.

I can't remember what was in the previous room I was in. Couldn't pass a cop exam!



Aspendos
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 394
Location: Switzerland

02 Jun 2014, 9:32 pm

As I said, it's just that you don't "sound" like the typical person on this site. After you've read enough posts by people on the spectrum, you get an ear for them, and you just sound a lot more NT. It's hard to put a finger on it.

Already the first line of your OP is multilayered, with word play and sarcasm, and a lot of stuff you don't generally see here ... because apparently we're bad at it and don't pick up on it - which also is a stereotype, like the visual thing, that isn't true for many of us. But still people here tend to write with those in mind who prefer more literal language. Even to those of us who understand metaphors and the like, literal language comes more natural.

There's not much "kidding" going on here.

Other metaphors you're using are "the secretary in my brain" and "doors of understanding were being opened before my eyes" - this kind of thing seems to come natural to you. Also, phrases like "I appreciated the female of the species" just don't sound autistic.

Most people here would probably (prefer to) avoid children's birthday parties, while you don't mention anything about having disliked the occasion.

Your very cavalier about your neighbour's son's diagnosis. You diagnosed him as quickly as yourself. But you're not a medical professonal qualified to diagnose your neighbour's son either, if I understand correctly. You're playing fast and loose with the facts here. Your "diagnosis" of him would have to be confirmed by a professional, too.

Other stuff you mention (the lady smiling at you) may be just social awkwardness. Not everyone who is awkward in some situations is on the autism spectrum, and NTs may be more paranoid about what other people may be thinking about them than most autistics are likely to be.



businezguy
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 119

02 Jun 2014, 9:45 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm an Aspergian who is quite UNvisual.

I can't remember what was in the previous room I was in. Couldn't pass a cop exam!


Oh, don't get me started on remembering objects in a room, etc. I have a terrible memory for that. I guess what's being said is there can be folks with Asperger's who can take a book description and visualize it. Don't take that to mean anything more then that.

In fact, I have trouble recognizing people's faces, even people I've met several times. I have trouble remembering names.



Aspendos
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 394
Location: Switzerland

02 Jun 2014, 9:53 pm

businezguy wrote:
Oh, don't get me started on remembering objects in a room, etc. I have a terrible memory for that. I guess what's being said is there can be folks with Asperger's who can take a book description and visualize it. Don't take that to mean anything more then that.

In fact, I have trouble recognizing people's faces, even people I've met several times. I have trouble remembering names.


No one would write character descriptions if only people on the autism spectrum could visualize them. I am assuming most NTs can do so.

(Partial) face blindness is common among people on the spectrum.



businezguy
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 119

02 Jun 2014, 10:37 pm

Aspendos wrote:
As I said, it's just that you don't "sound" like the typical person on this site. After you've read enough posts by people on the spectrum, you get an ear for them, and you just sound a lot more NT. It's hard to put a finger on it.

Already the first line of your OP is multilayered, with word play and sarcasm, and a lot of stuff you don't generally see here ... because apparently we're bad at it and don't pick up on it - which also is a stereotype, like the visual thing, that isn't true for many of us. But still people here tend to write with those in mind who prefer more literal language. Even to those of us who understand metaphors and the like, literal language comes more natural.

There's not much "kidding" going on here.

Other metaphors you're using are "the secretary in my brain" and "doors of understanding were being opened before my eyes" - this kind of thing seems to come natural to you. Also, phrases like "I appreciated the female of the species" just don't sound autistic.

Most people here would probably (prefer to) avoid children's birthday parties, while you don't mention anything about having disliked the occasion.

Your very cavalier about your neighbour's son's diagnosis. You diagnosed him as quickly as yourself. But you're not a medical professonal qualified to diagnose your neighbour's son either, if I understand correctly. You're playing fast and loose with the facts here. Your "diagnosis" of him would have to be confirmed by a professional, too.

Other stuff you mention (the lady smiling at you) may be just social awkwardness. Not everyone who is awkward in some situations is on the autism spectrum, and NTs may be more paranoid about what other people may be thinking about them than most autistics are likely to be.


I didn't intend to seem caviler about my non-professional diagnosis (more like opinion) of the child next door. In fact, I'm very upset about it. But let me get something clear. The only thing that would make it hard to suspect Wilson's is how rare and unknown it is. Between 1 and 8500 births would have this condition, so certainly math would not be on my side. That being said, there are OBVIOUS visual signs once you know what to look for, secondary physical traits that can't be seen (i.e. he was born without protective enemal on his teeth), etc. Also, a child with this needs to show EXTREME lack of social fear. Let's be clear, with Aperger's it's said somebody is visual, but many are not, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's harder to diagnose and I'll agree there's a chance I could be wrong and will seek professional advice. But with Wilson's Sydrome the child needs to EVERYTIME display a lack of social fear, and extraordinary interest in adults, even if those adults are unknown. Waving at strangers, giving hugs, etc. Also a child would show signs of academic struggles, yet be considerably more verbal then you'd expect their intelligence (IQ) would allow. Unfortunately, this child shows every sign. Every one. If there was a test to take online, it would be an extremely high score. I'm not sure what I can do about the situation either. Really, I don't know what to do. Again, I'm sorry if I seemed cavalier, I was really upset with the child's behavior at the party and concerned for him. He and my son are best friends.

As for Asperger's, there's more grey and no doubt you may be right, I may not have it. In fact, let me add more fuel to your fire (so to speak), before I let you understand why I think I have it. When it comes to writing, I can write on multiple layers, write a 500 word essay filled almost entirely with metaphors, cliches, sarcasm and joke. When I'm done with that, I can write a 5,000 word essay doing the same. This isn't typical of Asperger's, I'll admit, but I can do it. Of course, historical experts combined with qualified medical experts believe Mark Twain had Asperger's, did you know that? I guess there's an exception in every book. By the way, I aint no Mark Twain.

But I feel like I need to make you understand something, because it's important to me. I'm writing this in tears because I've had a long journey. When it comes to social situations, I simply can't pull it off.

It's almost like I'm a set of extremes. i can write well, and if there was a social chat where live chat was being typed, I'd be a hit. I could joke, I could type as messages very quickly filled with rich, literary responses/references, etc.

When it comes to social situations, I want friends but I don't have any. I don't have one. I had a relationship with my wife, but she passed away 2 years ago. I depended on her to navigate me socially, she was my compass.

I would like to date again and have a relationship, but that seems like an insurmountable task. I might my wife through online dating, but it was a long distance relationship for a long time where we'd WRITE to each other, and I could pull that off. When we met, she was caring enough to overlook my social awkwardness, my extreme social vulnerability.

I'm not George Clooney by any means, but I've been told I'm handsome by those I've asked in the past (I've had some friends in the past), but I told my wife I never had a woman look at me with interest in my entire life. She looked at me in surprise and began to tell me instances in which she saw women looking at me with relative interest. I never even KNEW somebody could get that information based on body language, eye contact, etc. I didn't even KNOW it was POSSIBLE. I hope I'm making myself clear when I saw I learned of a whole new world that day, a world in which I learned others had the ability to understand various types of language I didn't understand. I mean, I'm sure I read a book of fiction where this occurred, but obviously it didn't sink in, and I certainly didn't take it to heart. But on that say my mind was blown!

When I talk to people, I avoid contact. If I were to try to keep eye contact (I've tried it on rare occasions), I would lose my train of thought. The reason why I only tried it on RARE occasions was because when I did, my mouth would keep going and words would be coming out of my mouth, but my brain was certainly not handling those words properly because I said things that made no sense. I can assure you, the looks I received were like they were temporary looking at somebody who was in the verge of insanity, or perhaps in the middle of a minor stroke.

If somebody talks to me, I look at their mouth. Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm expecting to get out of that, but I simple can't stop. Well, at least I know what my ears already know, that they are saying something.

I'm lonely, and I used to think I was just not bothered trying to find friends and a significant other. Now I realized I am scared to death to do so. And while there exists social anxiety which can be significant and substantial, that doesn't explain much of what I've told you. Obviously there is more going on here.



businezguy
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 119

02 Jun 2014, 10:40 pm

Aspendos wrote:
businezguy wrote:
Oh, don't get me started on remembering objects in a room, etc. I have a terrible memory for that. I guess what's being said is there can be folks with Asperger's who can take a book description and visualize it. Don't take that to mean anything more then that.

In fact, I have trouble recognizing people's faces, even people I've met several times. I have trouble remembering names.


No one would write character descriptions if only people on the autism spectrum could visualize them. I am assuming most NTs can do so.

(Partial) face blindness is common among people on the spectrum.


Apparently, most people can get a vague image of somebody in their mind using their imagination. It doesn't turn out to be very similar to the picture provided by the illustrator though, for goodness sakes.



businezguy
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 119

03 Jun 2014, 2:36 pm

So I'm getting the ball rolling (love my metaphors) on seeking a diagnosis from a qualified professional. In the mean time, I'm a bit obsessed with whether I'm truly an Aspie or not. I located two tests I didn't take before and both were clearly geared towards adults, not children. For instance, they asked about sexual activity, taking notes during lectures, etc. Not a test for a 10 year old.

Here is my score on the first one:

Your Aspie score: 148 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 81 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

The second test I took, I scored a 36 and it indicated I am most likely an Aspie. My question is, would somebody test like I just did and NOT be an Aspie? How common would this be?