Hi I'm new here

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Evening.

I'm a newbie here from England and I suspect my partner has Asperger's. I've not mentioned this to him yet as I'm trying to get my head around it all and be armed with as much information as possible before I bring the subject up. I've put myself in his shoes and answered a quiz on Asperger's for him (plus I did it for myself), and he came out as high.

He has two children from a previous marriage, with the eldest (imo) displaying traits of Asperger's too as he is very clever (maths & English very strong for 7 - can spell better than my 11 year old), intensely interested in trees and cacti, and has recently started learning Latin. The youngest son (3) I am unsure on as he is a late developer in his speech.

So I guess I'm looking for support as a NT wife on how to handle meltdowns he seems to frequently have, alongside any other help that can be offered for him and me. I so often end up in tears, always feeling I'm in the wrong, nothing I do is right, and if I get it right, the goal post for next time is moved, so it all goes wrong and I'm in the doghouse!

I hope to be able to use the journal to log when events occur, trying to see if there are any patterns to the behaviour, and if something works and what doesn't.

Its good to be so motivated from your side, but the adaptations and changes are likely to be mostly needed on his side. Plus the times he says you are in the wrong are very suspect and the opposite may well be true. In other words he (if he has ASD) has the mental disability not you. Its best to be a support for him getting out of the hole, then making him comfortable in it. Not that any of it is easy, but the point is to accurately identify the problem so as to learn about and use the best treatments and improvement methodology.

P.S. A child with ASD is a significant potential indicator as one of the few things truly known about ASD is it does have a hereditary component.

Thanks for the reply Toy_Solider. without wishing to sound arrogant I know deep down what I've done is not wrong, sometimes he is so sensitive the slightest thing sets him off.

Take today, we are at work and he always needs to know where I am exactly in the building, where as I'm safe in the knowledge I know he's not far away and can be found. He says he's worried about my safety which is why he needs to know all the time where I am. Even if I pop to the loo, I need to let him know.

So I have to use my phone to text him when I go up and down the stairs. So I send a text to say I'm coming down, and put the phone back in the pocket and return to work. In the same minute he send ones to say he's coming to the same area near the stairs. He send it as he's 300 meters away. For me to send text, come downstairs and return to work no more than 20 secs; for him to send his and walk his 300 meters around 60 secs.

So he waits at the bottom of the stairs, and when I do come back as he's sent another text asking where I am, he gets cross and calls me a liar. He could not see the messages had crossed, the timing factor of me coming down and him walking there where not in sync so we would miss each other. He had to be right and no amount of trying to say look at the timings was good enough.

He calmed down after a while but it took nearly 30 minutes.

And yes it was something he said about his eldest once (he and his ex had looked into the possible diagnoses for their son) that made me investigate if he (my oh) may have ASD.

Yes, something is definitely wrong there. But from my experience its difficult for the spouse or partner to be the one that is the doctor/therapist/bad guy, etc. It is hard to tell exactly what is wrong and medical professionals have the best chance of determining what it is. I would if possible encourage him to seek professional evaluation and perhaps treatment. Its not like he needs a lobotomy but does need to hear, from a knowledgable professional what is positive or acceptable behavior and what is negative, or else he can drive you crazy.

Does he himself express any dissatisfaction with his own behaviors ?