Hello, my name is Sean i am 33 years old. i first found out about autism not very long ago, my step son was doing a school project on mental illnesses and he came across a web article about autism, the symptoms and traits he said he noticed i share a lot of things in common with what he was reading, and he even found a place online to take a test to see if you might show signs of autism, i scored 42 had my childhood been better i suspect i would have scored even higher, but i am not good at math, and i have problems recalling memories on demand, to be clear, i have an excellent memory I just can not bring a particular memory in detail when i want it, only part of it comes back, and often it's not in chronological order but i randomly remember things often. Anyways i started to try and find a person to see if i am in fact autistic, thus far i have found that very difficult, therapists have said i am most likely autistic but they did not have the proper qualification to diagnose me with it, and wanted to treat me for other things (i might not even have?! it's so weird) so i have not been properly diagnosed thus far, but i am reasonably intelligent so i can research online , and in my research i found found i have much in common with other people with autism,but that is not a diagnoses, and i am not able to help myself, so i am still looking for a doctor who takes my insurance because i am growing weary living like i have to live right now.
A little about me.
From day one it has been a struggle, i was born in a van in California to a mother who was mentally ill, and a father who was absent the state took me away when i was very young and placed me into the foster care system, i was non verbal, and prone to meltdown and inappropriate behaviors. I was placed into the "troubled child" foster homes, it was quite horrible the abuse i sustained there damaged me mentally so bad, i am now 33 and still unable to cope or deal with it properly .by the time i was 6 i was having violent outbursts and was still non verbal, it took my grandmother some years to fight thru court and paper work to gain custody of me and my 3 sisters (who i did not know, and to this day i am not close to them, or anyone for that matter)but i was so damaged my grandma could not deal with my problems by the time i turned 12 i was already 6'3" tall and 200 lbs no one could make me do anything. My grandmother tried her best, and in the end all she had to show for it was thousands in debt. she was alone, penniless and on welfare and all because of me. When i was 14 or 15 she packed a suitcase with my things, and drove me to a run away shelter, and dropped me off, i was then back in foster care system, boys homes halfway houses and government facilities.
i think i was born with autism but i also think during the time in a child's life when they learn how to talk, socially interact with others and learn emotional growth i was learning how not to talk how to avoid social interactions and how to cope with extreme pain. i do not tell everyone these things because i am angry about it, or depressed , or hurt, i am not looking for pity or attention, i am just shining a light on the dark parts of me so people here can more understand me as a person, and be less surprised when i make a mistake. so..Hello, it is nice to meet all of you.
20 Jun 2014, 10:20 pm
