Now I've landed on the right planet

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Hi,

I am a wife and mum, and just last week my 12 year old son was diagnosed with aspergers. It has come as a relief, now I know why moving on to High School was such a problem, why he shouts out phrases in different voices all the time and why I can never get him to complete his school work. Already I have discovered patience that I never knew I had. It has also been a revelation to me, because now I understand that my husband probably has it too. I have left him on three occasions (filing for divorce twice) because of his inability to cope with people, especially our children, he never makes eye contact and prefers to sit and watch TV all evening after work. I also have an 18 year old son who is very bright, a wonderful sportsman and a grade A Mathematician he has no interest in reading or even watching TV (never sat through a movie in his life), he too has issues with socialising and gets stressed very easily, he can't keep still for a minute could he have Aspergers too?

you'd have to ask a therapist if they have aspergers.. they definately have some of the traits.

Welcome to WP.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Hi!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I can figure out where you're from!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Take this for what it is worth. I am a dino aspie (old). As I look back on my youth, I think I was luckt to have been raised before diagnonis.

I would NOT have wanted meds (ans so far as I know there is no pill to make an aspie more NT). I would have wanted lessons: truth.

We dinos have figured ways to live in the world I wish I had mine earlier. Hang around WP. Get your son here. Do not hesitate to ask us!

Welcome to WP!

I was just thinking that the other day, nutbag.

I was pondering what my devious mind had been telling me since I figured it out ( self diagnosis) and I almost instantly became a 'cripple'. I started thinking about how I was like this all my life and tentitively played with the idea of blameing AS for personality defects ( I was thinking along the lines of the seven deadly sins) and as reasons I don't have to step up to the plate and do my bit just 'cause I am breathing air and taking up real estate on Earth.

I am glad; in some ways mainstreaming with no diagnosis has pretty well beat the idea that somehow I am here on a full paid pass out of me. I still don't like it, but I accept it 51% now.
I don't know if I want to think about who I would be if my folks actually understood my condition, at least what we know now. I really can't streach enough to imagine them loving and caring and waiting patiently to soothe me after my meltdown because the color of the glass was red.

Whew. . .

Something to think about.
Merle

Agreed that there's no pill for AS, and that there probably shouldn't be.

Advantage to the diagnosis available now, though, is the potential for more undertanding, proactive parenting, more knowledgeable peers, less frustrated NT lovers/spouses, and the POSSIBILITY for the world to come to terms that we're not "weird" -- just differently wired.

It's about learning to cope better and navigate society, not about changing one's self per se.

And it may be that a little addtional attention to developing better coping skills will mean fewer depressed/anxious Aspies down the road and less need for meds for these things.

Afterall, it's a beautiful planet in so many ways.

Welcome, Judy and son.

DD

Agreed with the aboves. I wouldn't trade the majority of it. In my case the depression and anxity need to be addressed a bit more. I'm older less bendable, don't bounce back as fast. The depression being the major, but good chance I have a little Bipolar tossed in to make it more interesting.

Welcome Judy, as I'm new here, I can say you're about to meet some of the nicest people ever to be on a wrong planet

It has been really good reading all your replies, I definitely do NOT want my son to have medication, I just want him to have support in school and an understanding so that when he blows his top we understand why and don't blow back at him.

What has bothered me is in the last six months his shouting out random sentences has become routine and having a meaningful conversation seems to be disappearing. He is desperately trying to find a good friend in school and failing which makes me sad cos he has the best sense of humour ever and is very caring. It upsets him that he isn't 'good at anything' and when I try to reassure him and point out all the things he is good at, he just says ' you're bound to say that your my Mum'.

I am so glad I have found this website its going to be the best support ever for my son and me.

You are very welcome and I appreciate your kind words!

Welcome to the right planet!

I'm glad that you're finally getting some answers, and that you've found us...

Yes, Judy, please, please do have your son read and post here as much as he can.

You and he are more than welcome here, and he is NOT alone.

He needs to recognize, too, that growing up and being 12 and navigating middle school/junior is not easy for anyone! Chances are high that a huge number of his peers -- NT and AS -- are frustrated and acting out at home and being upset and lonely and feeling weird, etc., because that's how that stage of life feels for a huge number of kids. Unfortunate but true.

This is a bit of cold comfort, I realize, but it is a userful perspective. And I am not suggesting that he won't have some additional challenges and hardships. But he IS much more "normal" than he may realize. And for most of us, it DOES get easier over time. Just don't give up, guy!! ! Never give up. We dino -- older -- aspies know how it is. You do need to make a concerted effort though to learn behaviors and coping strategies. You've got the power and the ability -- so accept that you'll have to make the effort, and then keeping on keepin' on.

One more word re the meds as other posters on this thread have stated/implied: AS can be and often is co-morbid with depression/anxiety/bipolar. NOT always. But often enough. So, both of you should educate yourself regarding the symptoms of these conditions. AS itself does not need meds -- it just needs work -- often lots of it -- because it's about being wired differently. But if any of these other conditions present themselves, then medical guidance and treatment, including meds where doctor-prescribed, are absolutely needed.

Many of us on the WP have sought theraputic counseling, too, which is NOT about being weak, weird or anything other than SMART! It's a proactive, responsible thing to do to get advice and help from an expert. When you have difficulties with a car -- see the mechanic. When you have some tax problems, you seek an accountant. Right???

Hang in there, Judy and son. You've got plenty of friends now who understand.

DD