Does this sound like Aspergers to you?

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Hello everyone:

I've been lurking on this site for awhile now and finally decided that it was time to introduce myself and say hello. I am a 27 year old female from Canada and I have been suspecting that I have Aspergers for about a month (I actually have an assesment scheduled for tomorrow). I've always known I was different but never seriously considered the possibility of autism even though it fit me pretty perfectly. I guess I always thought I seemed too "normal". I will share a bit of my history and personality traits in hopes that some of you may relate to my story. I apologize that it is so long. I tend to ramble on.

About a month ago, I was taking the MBTI test online in an attempt to match my personality to possible career options as I have had problems finding jobs I am successful with. The site I was on had a link to some other tests, one of which was an Aspergers quotient test. I honestly took the test thinking it was another personality test until I got the results. I ended up scoring very high so I decided to pursue it further. I took the longer "Aspie Quiz" that I see many of you have taken as well, and ended up with an Aspergers score of 176/200. After this, I was pretty much convinced but decided to ask my fiancé and family their opinions on the matter.

My fiancé said that it described me completely, especially the parts about special interests and trouble with small talk. My childhood best friend agreed that I have always been different but suggested that maybe it was because my mother died when I was young and not aspergers. It was an idea I had to explore so I contacted my step father to ask him if the strange behaviour started after she passed away. He told me that I had strange behaviour way before my mother died and that actually she was concerned that there was something wrong with me. I apparently used to not let her hug or cuddle me and would not respond when she said "I love you". She was also alarmed that I wanted to be alone so much. She originally wanted to have me evaluated but in the end decided that it would be best not to know. My step dad says that he thinks that it is very likely that I do have it. He did try to talk me out of getting assessed though. His logic is that if I've made it this far in life then I'm doing okay. What he doesn't know is how hard it has been for me.

As a child I struggled with so many things that seemed to come easy to everyone else. I had strong language skills as a child but would often "forget my manners". I had a huge problem apologizing for anything until I was about 12. I was told I was inconsiderate of others all the time. I had major issues with eye contact. My step dad used to lecture me about it. "No one will take you seriously if you can't look them in the eye", he'd say or " you're being very rude by looking down when someone is talking to you". My social issues were so severe that I used to have my mom write notes to my friends' parents asking if they could play with me just so I wouldn't have to talk to them when I knocked on their door. I did have one very normal, outgoing friend who really guided me through childhood. She would tell me what to wear and remind me to do my hair. She basically taught me how to behave normally. She spent an entire summer when we were ten attempting to teach me how to ride my bike and tie my shoes (I still can't tie my shoes properly).

Throughout my childhood I had various obsessions. The first one that I can remember is tornados. I knew literally everything about tornados. I drew hundreds of pictures of tornados, wrote little books about them, and talked endlessly about them to anyone who would listen. I even designed a board game about tornados, which I attempted to force other people to play. After tornados, it was the tv show "the X-files". This was my biggest obsession. I used to recite the characters badge numbers and birthdates and collected everything there was to collect in relation to the show. People noticed my obsession and told me I was weird all the time. It didn't matter though, I couldn't stop. My step dad even offered me $100 to stop talking about it for an hour but I couldn't. That obsession lasted from about age 8-15, although I still watch them on DVD when I am overly stressed as it seems to comfort me.

The most troubling thing for me has been my relationship problems. Now I'm wondering if it was because of the Aspergers. When I was 13, I moved in with my brother and his wife, as things were not working out with my stepdad. Things were okay at first but started to go down hill fast. They complained that I was too withdrawn and that I was isolating myself in my room too often. I apparently wasn't acting like part of the family and they were really offended by it. It was a constant source of stress. I tried to be more social but after a long day at school, it was physically painful to sit and engage in small talk with them. My sister in law was always upset at me and I never knew why. She used to get mad at me for not helping with chores enough. I told her to just ask me to do something and I would be happy to do it. Her reply was always "I shouldn't have to ask, you should just know." But I never did know. It would just never occur to me. I seemed disinterested in their lives and so they asked me to leave. That was very hard on me because I really did try to act better. After I left they told me that when they asked me to leave, they really wanted me to apologize and ask to stay. I obviously did not pick up on that. We haven't had a relationship since. After I left their house, I moved in with a friend and her family but the exact same thing happened again. I was too isolated, too self interested, too oblivious to their needs etc. and they asked me to leave too. Even when I think I am doing well and meeting expectations, I apparently am not. What do you think? Does this sound like aspergers or am I just a self centered cow?

School was never as bad as home for me. I've always got good grades in school and was usually top of my class but I am under-educated and under employed. I've tried tried going to university twice but dropped out both times. I just found it too overwhelming. The people, the noise, the responsibilities- it was all too much. I've managed to work my way up to an administrative position at a large company but it is a horrible job for me. I am constantly making mistakes, missing details, needing reminders about things I'm supposed to do everyday. I also really struggle with the social aspect of the job. For instance, I get asked "how are you?" a bunch of times during the day. It wasn't until recently that I learned that you arent supposed to answer in an overly honest and long winded manner, that you are just supposed to reply "I'm fine thanks, how are you?". I always forget to seem interested in the other person. I talk about myself too much and come across as conceited.

Wow guys, I, sure there us a ton of stuff that I am forgetting but this is too long already so I will say goodbye for now. Please feel free to comment. Thanks for reading.

You definitely sound like an aspie, and you've come to the right place! Welcome to WP.

Thank you for your reply. I'm going to see a psychiatrist about a diagnosis tomorrow and I'm very nervous about it. I keep worrying that I will be diagnosed with something worse than aspergers. I've been misdiagnosed with depression so many times. Every time i go to a doctor complaining about anxiety or sleep problems or anything, they say depression is causing it. The trouble is, I am not depressed. I think I'd know if I was sad all the time. Geeze.

I've already looked up an exact route of how to get there, down to the minute so that I'm not late. I've also researched the Doctor and tried to find out what the building looks like so that there aren't any surprises. I don't do well with the unknown. Ha ha. Is anyone else like that?

Depression and anxiety are common co-morbids for Aspergers. I should know, as I've had problems with both, and I'm a diagnosed aspie. Depression doesn't necessarily mean that you feel "sad" all the time, but the best way I can describe it is just when you feel negative all the time, you lose interest in things you used to love, and you just really don't feel like doing anything.

I don't know whether or not you are depressed, though you are right in that it's probably not the cause of your anxiety and sleep problems. Like I mentioned earlier, anxiety is a common co-morbid, and sleep problems are just something Aspies inherently tend to have, due to an imbalance of melatonin, among other factors. I find my sleep problems are caused by a combination of a lack of melatonin, and the fact that I just really don't like being awake during the day, when other people are up and about and causing noise and ruckus. I prefer it at night, when it's peaceful and quiet, and there aren't so many other people around. Not to mention, I'm not a terribly big fan of sunlight, and when I was younger it used to really bother me.

I have been depressed a couple times in my life but not nearly as often as doctors have suggested. I do struggle with anxiety though.

My sleep problem is that I am exhausted all the time. When I was a preteen I could literally sleep 48 hours straight. Now, I'm just tired all the time. I need a lot of extra relaxation time or sleep to feel able to deal with life. I hate being so tired because it often prevents me from pursuing my interests.

I hope to get a diagnosis tomorrow but am a bit concerned because the doctor has a long lilts of disorders that he deals with posted on his website but autism isn't one of them.

I've written a multi page report about why I think I have aspergers and am debating whether or not to bring it with me. I feel that it would help me remember points that I may otherwise forget but I do not want to seem obsessive.

Hi Jenna403 and welcome to WrongPlanet. I quite often make such lists and if needed bring them along. I think it's a good idea, for you and for the doctor as it may somewhat alleviate your anxiety and help the doctor understand points that you may forget to mention.
Good Luck tomorrow

aspergers doesn't actually exist in a lot of places anymore actually its just autistic spectrum disorder if you are in a place that uses the dsm. if you are in a place that uses the icd then you will have the possibility of an aspergers label.

i didnt read the whole thing because it was very long and i have language problems. but i definitely see why you suspect you have autism good luck with your evaluation.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I believe the DSM 5 merged Aspergers into autism spectrum disorder.

Although at this point, is it really a "disorder"? I am also often miscategorized as depressed, or having general anxiety disorder, etc. but a lot of conditions are comorbid and its a tough call.

Anyway, sounds like me, but I have used my training in acting, politics, sociology to compensate for my general social weirdness. Takes a lot of brain power out of me though, Im exhausted after work everyday just because of the social part, and I dont have much left to share with my fiance.

So yea it sounds like it, but, at this point it might just be a revelation for you, and not so much of a curse. Its only a disorder if it interferes with life.

Hi!

Yes, they did take Aspergers out of the DSM 5. Now it is just a part of an Autism Spectrum disorder. I do find it useful to still call it Adpergers because when I mention autism to people, even doctors, they think only of the low functioning type.

Jenna, I'm ten years older than you and just got my diagnosis. I feel a mixture of sadness and relief. I have different issues than you, but they can be just as crippling nonetheless. It's fine to see yourself as different, just don't ever think of yourself as broken.

I've already looked up an exact route of how to get there, down to the minute so that I'm not late. I've also researched the Doctor and tried to find out what the building looks like so that there aren't any surprises. I don't do well with the unknown. Ha ha. Is anyone else like that?[/quote]

Pardon me if I laugh (not at you or in a mean way)

It's just that this sounds so stereotypically Asperger's that it has me written all over it, meaning it's EXACTLY what I would do. Welcome aboard. Let me know how your appointment goes as my Assessment isn't until mid-August.

@Nurse_Bill

It made me laugh as well. I am the same. Nice to read that I am not the only one!

I've read all your messages and can say that you have had a rough childhood. Losing your mother young is hard and living in a broken home maybe even harder. I feel like you have never felt at home anywhere and that saddens me. Can't even imagine how that might feel. My home is my church and sanctuary, can't imagine live without my grotto

By reading your story I can also confirm that it sounds exactly like autism. It sounds really familiar. I always need a break after I visited someone. I sleep 2 hours most of the time. I have had an occasion where I was so tired I slept for 2 days straight. There is just to much to register with all those social interactions. It's tough sometimes because it makes life about choices. Do you go to your neighbors for a cup of coffee or do you stay in and watch a movie. I can't do both. If I go to the Zoo I can't do anything different that day. My mind just shuts down when to much acitivity comes my way. Do you feel this the same way?

I was also very afraid for my diagnosis. I was afraid they would say something even worse or something totally different. You never know. They have the power to change everything for you. I hope you will be treated respectfully and will be diagnosed professionally. Good luck!

It's always smart to make a letter with questions or things of interest you maybe want to tell. That's smart, not weird although most doctors or specialists look at me like I am crazy when I do it

Please share the results when you have them.