Hello, hello, from the US West Coast

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Hi all,

This site has come up in a lot of my autism-related searches but I've always been hesitant to register before since I don't have an official diagnosis of ASD. I'm going to be meeting with a psychologist in a few weeks for an evaluation though (although he won't be doing neuropsychological testing, to my knowledge, beyond having me take an AG Questionnaire and the RAADS survey so maybe I also need to pursue that? I'm unsure), and it's been on my mind a lot lately, so I thought getting to know others who share similar experiences might be beneficial. To say I've got anxiety about this upcoming eval is an understatement.

Anyway, hi. I'm 30 years old, on the US West Coast and work as an attorney content manager/editor by day for a legal marketing firm. By night, I'm a wannabe fiction novelist who hopefully won't be aspiring in perpetuity. In my free time, I enjoy learning foreign languages (trying to tackle Chinese right now, which, being tonal, is proving a much more difficult task than I'd anticipated...since distinguishing tones is hard for me), trying to wrap my head around computer programming, and figure skating (I'm clumsy as all get-out, but have been skating for 23 years, so it's gotten a bit more intuitive and routine over time). I'm also on Twitter pretty actively, but I wasn't sure how acceptable it was to post my username here. If it is, I'd love to follow anyone here who might be on it too.

In terms of ASD, I've always felt like there was some disconnect between how other people socialized and formed relationships and how I tried to (usually unsuccessfully). It's only been in the past few years that I've managed to form anything even close to a long-term friendship, and I still find it difficult to socialize in groups. I've actually found more acceptance in the LGBT* community (I'm gay and probably also fall somewhere on the transgender spectrum, identifying as non-binary), maybe because they tend not to mind my quirky mannerisms as much? Not really sure. I'm sometimes hypersensitive to touch, noises and certain lights (when it gets really bad, sounds turn my eyes colors, which usually hurts). I tend to overshare when answering yes/no questions, and have difficulty regulating my speaking voice (usually when it happens, I'm speaking too softly, and then feel like I go mute/throat goes tight when anyone asks me to speak up). And I think some of the things I do to calm myself down (or in response to overwhelm) might be considered stimming. That said, I'm constantly second-guessing myself when it comes to whether or not I'm actually autistic. I have my good days, then others where dealing with work, socializing, and even my significant other are challenges. Usually when I tell people I think I might be autistic, I get the "you don't seem autistic to me" or "if you are, you must be really high-functioning to be able to hold down a job, etc." lines. So I'm just not really sure, but I struggle enough to want to get evaluated (a challenge in and of itself to even find someone qualified to evaluate an adult for ASD, I've found) in the hopes that I'll learn more about myself and coping strategies for overwhelm in the process. We'll see.

In the interest of not rambling on for another 6+ paragraphs, I'll end here and just say I'm looking forward to getting to know more people on this forum, and hopefully during the process learn more about myself as a result. Thanks for reading.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

welcome to you!

i'm new to wrong planet as well. i have yet to be officially diagnosed, but after being on this beautiful mudball 37 years, and no doctor, therapist, priest, guru, woman, job, hobby, success, failure et al could point me in the proper direction. i figured i was just... odd. and doomed to a life of a wanderer.

i too very soon will cross paths with a professional who is qualified to make that distinction officially. until then, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks, and constantly asks for grapes then well...

Got any grapes?

i read a bit of your post. and i am a bit envious. you have a job! jobs drive us bugsh*t!

Anyhow, welcome!

Welcome!

Welcome to the site!

Thanks all.

nowonmai1999: That's kind of what I feel about my own autistic experiences, although I do constantly feel doubt because of how many times people say I don't "seem" autistic. Then again, my boyfriend, who knows me pretty well, says if I don't have some variant of autism, my thought processes are completely unique in his experience (I get stuck in loops and have to do things certain ways, even when there are more efficient methods of completing them...which I guess sounds a bit more like OCD, although it won't kill me to do things other ways; I just tend not to realize there IS another way until someone brings it up to me...and then get all uncomfortable having to try something new that I tend to revert back to the way I was doing it before).

And yes, I've been mostly lucky with jobs. I might not be making as much as other people with a law degree (then again, maybe I am for someone not practicing...I'm unsure), but I'm proud that I've managed to find work I enjoy. The most difficult part of working for me is being in an office setting. If it gets even a little bit too loud or if my routine gets switched up (I edit written content for websites and manage a remote team of freelance writers), it really throws me off. I'm pretty much the only one I know who will go home and cry or rock and then have to explain my distress to my partner by saying "I got interrupted four times today and just need some time to unwind, OK?". Oy. I'm very detail oriented by have a difficult time seeing the forest in the trees, as the popular expression among my law professors tends to go (probably why law school itself was so miserable an experience for me ).

I'm excited I found this place though. Looks to be a great resource for all things autism...and then some.

well i think its cool that you are working. i work contract gigs, but its been awful slow for me.

anyhow, I have never had a job in an office setting. But I have had to work around humanoids from since i was 16. I didn't like it then... making hamburgers, pizzas, delivering pizzas, janitor, farm labor, movie construction labor, food service.. no matter what kind of work I did, or at which time in my life, i was the kind of employee that just figured doing a good job was enough. *read* I was awful at interaction.

I can only imagine what a high & mighty office in California is like.

I still am awful at interpersonal interaction in social and work situations... BUT... now that I am aware of it... and I can look back in my life and say oooooooooohhhh thats what those days & hiccups were all about!! !

I can see now when I was honestly operating on AS mode, and how NTs were responding to me. AS can make a person an easy target... did me anyhow.

but now... thank goodness, i'm more understanding of myself, and therefore much more forgiving of myself. I am OK with who I am and like the Greek Saying "know thyself," for me at least means, A person cannot like what a person does not know.

though i am 90% sure of my AS status, (my beloved, who works as a therapist with autistic folks made the suggestion i seek a professional opinion) I like who I am regardless, and I think these traits are pretty cool, when not forcing me into a corner. And I know what to look for.

hope this made sense

greetings from southern California!

nowonmai1999: It totally made sense. What's interesting is that I find myself more aware of how the way I response or reaction isn't neurotypical than I was as a kid, and I'm painfully aware that other people (especially at work) will probably see it as odd. It causes a lot of stress for me, in all honesty. I commute about 100 miles roundtrip every day to work, and often rely on the kindness of coworkers who do the same to get a ride with on the way home so I can avoid taking the train (a stressor in the afternoon when people are going up to the baseball stadium to watch a game and are drinking and just generally really loud and inconsiderate of commuters). The problem happens when it's just me and another coworker one-on-one because I have a really difficult time holding a coherent conversation. I want to flap my hands or just ignore them and read on the way home, but I realize neither is consider polite. When there's more than one person, I can let them chat together, just adding a few sentences when they go silent to make it sound like I'm participating more fully.

Either way, socializing is emotionally exhausting for me. I absolutely get more work done when I'm able to work from home (which happens on occasion, though not as often as I'd like). I think one of the few reasons I'm able to work full-time is that my work is generally very detail-oriented, and I already loved writing and editing prior to deciding to do it as a career. Of course, my aspiration is to one day publish a novel and then use the money earned from that to write the next one.


Kiprobalhato: Thanks and hello from the Bay Area!

socializing is a kick in the arze for me in work situations or otherwise.

but i can talk to the people i am close to (like my sweetheart) for literally hours.

i perform music for a living, and not rock & roll. unfortunately i HAVE to schmooze, and have probably lost a lot of business not knowing how to play that game. i was always hoping that if my music spoke for itself, then i wouldn't have to say much to people. but nooooooooo...

for instance, some goon with minimal skills at playing music can easily run me out of business due to their political savy & silver tongue. gross in a way. and quite the sacrilege.

i know its just small talk. but i don't see the point.

what is your book about?