I've been having a very difficult time the last few months.

Post Reply New Topic

Hi. I actually signed up on WP a while back but life got difficult and didn't have a chance to become active out here until now.

All my life I was always the one that initially got along with people but could never maintain a lasting friendship. I know my intentions were always good, but I think I just annoyed people a lot so they drifted away. I probably didn't pick up of body language or other cues that would let NTs know it was time to shut up or leave or whatever.

I have been bullied off and on pretty harshly since 5th grade. I never wanted anyone to feel as bad as that made me feel, so I really wanted to be very supportive and helpful to others having a hard time with whatever was causing them pain. For years I tried to figure out why I was having so much trouble making friends. I became full of depression and anxiety, then last year I was diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 50.

At first I was ecstatic to finally have the answer. It was like finally having the puzzle frame that held all the other pieces together. In the last few months the reality of how this condition has affected my life has been setting in. Not only why certain bad things happened to me, but also what I may have said or done to make things worse. Of course I didn't do any of this intentionally, but it was taken wrong nonetheless. So after the initial joy of finally knowing what was going wrong all these years I am faced with having to start my entire life over at 51.

A long time ago my family stopped communicating with me. Even though I have informed them of my diagnosis and tried to explain how that affects relationships - even apologizing for things and asking for some sort of communication - they have not responded. The clinical psychologist who diagnosed me things it's very likely Asperger's is rampant in my family so maybe that's part of the problem. Even people who where friends stopped or dramatically limited their contact with me when I told them of my diagnosis. One woman casually suggested I find a group home as if she were suggesting something as mundane as trying a new brand of bread. I didn't react to her suggestion right away because I was stunned and it didn't really sink in for a few days. Now I don't know how to talk to her anymore. We really got along well and even considered being roommates until I told her about my diagnosis.

Anyway, at 51 I'm not going to hold my breath any longer waiting for my blood family to talk to me. I really doubt it will ever happen, so I need to start over. It's so daunting. I have other health issues that limit my energy, so I can only do a little each day. I don't know where to begin. I do no have any ties to where I am now. The town I am in is too small to find a therapist familiar with what to do with a mature adult dealing with this diagnosis and needing to start with a clean slate including learning how to interact with others in a productive way.

I am overwhelmed and thoroughly confused, lost.

Sorry for such a long post.

Welcome, OldManDax.

You're not alone here. There are older Aspies here and most of us didn't get the benefit of a diagnosis (or even know there was such a thing as Asperger's) until late in life.

There's a relief in knowing what you have, yes, but then reality sets in and you wonder "what now?". I seem to vary between relief of knowing and frustration that I wasted so much of my life not knowing.

Do you drive? You might be able to find a therapist who understands Asperger's if you can get to a larger city. There's an organization called GRASP (grasp.org) which has regional groups which meet once a month. There's a listing of cities where there are meetings on that site.

Here's a thread started by a fellow older Aspie: *Blows on the Mic* "Hello, Is This Thing On?". And within that, someone gives a link to a thread on the Getting to know each other section.

Anyway, welcome.

I do drive. Denver is about 2 hours away, and there is a GRASP group there. Problem is the GRASP site won't let me "apply for membership" unless I do it using Twitter, Yahoo, or Gmail. Why I should be forced to start an account with another site just so I can see anything about the Denver group is beyond me. Maybe a general Google search will show another way to get the info.

I have thought of a therapist even if it's quite a drive to get there, and it's a good idea. My problem at the moment is that I am only in my current/temporary city for 4 more months. By the time I get in to see someone, we have several "getting to know you" sessions, it will be time to start up with yet another therapist.

I don't even know where I will be living then. I've decided to use these few months in Limboland to try meeting people again knowing what I now know about AS (keeping in mind what behaviors I have that annoy people of course!). I'm going to places that are more generally accepting of folks who are more than one standard deviation from the norm. For example, the Unitarian-Universalists. Anyway, if my first real attempt to meet people after the diagnosis is a flop and I totally annoy everyone in town, I will just move as planned anyway. *heh*

Thank you OnPorpoise.

Old Aspie here, three months younger than OnPorpoise.

One of my coping mechanisms is using my "court jester" persona. People laugh (either at me or with me). I meow in the hallways of my job. Then, if I want to discuss meteorology or something, people will listen, in anticipation of me doing or saying something funny.

I'm sorry you're not in contact with your blood relatives. I've come close to that myself--but my mother is old now, and I can't just abandon her. I still think about chucking it all, though.

I was diagnosed with autism when very young--when autism was a very serious disorder only. I was also diagnosed with "brain-damage" when I was 5. I acquired speech at age 5. Afterwards, I presented an "Aspergian" clinical picture. I learned about Asperger's in the 1990s, and "diagnosed" myself then. I haven't sought a Asperger's diagnosis because of the expense of it.

Are you "annoying" because you like to discuss your special interests? At least, here, you could discuss them, at least to a certain extent on the Forum itself, and with people who share your special interest via Private Messages.

Hey OldManDax welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Meteorology! Yay! I'm originally from NE KS so weather is a big deal there and I got the bug early on.

I'm still deciphering the "annoying" part, but I think I've figured out a couple of the biggies. Part of it was that I was trying so hard to fit in I may have come across as fake, which is accurate considering most of the things NTs like to do or find interesting isn't even on my radar because it is usually boring to me. Also, I go into great detail and or go off on many tangents most people can't follow. I am learning to stay on topic. It helps a lot.

Thanks RoadRatt!

Thanks AnonymousAnonymous.

I like your tag line. I think being an Aspie is pretty awesome. We have a different perspective on things which often helps solve problems or invent cool things. The problem for me is trying to communicate that to others. Because it took so long for me to be diagnosed it has caused a lot of personal pain, but it is mostly pretty cool. Maybe NTs should stop thinking of us as disabled and weird and get to know us. The few people who hung in there with me think I'm interesting and funny.

welcome to the club OldManDax