Hi I'm new here

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Hi everyone I'm pretty new here. Been reading the forums for quite a while now and well decided it was time to take a brave leap forward and become a member.

I don't have ASD but someone very close to me does. I just need to try to make some sense of his inner landscape and maybe this online community can in some small way help that process and then just maybe, my tears may stop

What about this person is so troubling to you? Please be as specific as possible, and maybe I can explain their side a little bit. I have been diagnosed with Aspergers, and it helps ME to hear NT perspectives on why we can be so upsetting to them! So I will be glad to try to help explain us a little.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Nice of you to come see us, larastheme.

Don't cry for us! We're a happy bunch. See... look at the pretty colours.

(Whoops. I must stop being so frivolous.)

But genuinely, we are what we are. The huge consensus here is that we'd be very unhappy to lose our Aspieness. We put up with the awkward bits - the rest is just so... us!

Trying to be specific doesn't come easy or naturally talking about this but I will try. Those in between moments when all seems " normal " is both wonderful and almost magical and then there are those " other " times when I feel like an outsider in his life.

At times I know he can't tolerate me around him and has asked me to leave more than once. He says he really doesn't want me to leave it's just that my being around all the time causes him to be distressed and not at ease with himself.

I am now beginning to feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells, his fragile state and annoyance with my seemingly personna is becoming increasingly stressful for me.

He wont talk and I withdraw because I am afraid I just can't respond in a way which is conducive or helpful. It really is quite a mess right now.

Thanks for your welcome Tim_Tex

Hello and welcome to WrongPlanet. Hope you like it here.

I'd just like to reinforce what has already been said here in that you should try not to get yourself down too much. Things will improve. If you can be a bit more specific as to your circumstances here that will all help.

Whereabouts are you in Britain, if I may ask?

Please do continue and be as frivolous as you like

And so we are all " what we are " and while I celebrate the uniqueness of our individual human-ness and especially the beautiful minds of all who are so seemingly different I am so desperately trying to just understand.

Thanks for your kind and reassuring words Tequila and well I'm not too far away from you, just across the border so to speak

Different coloured rose sort of thing?

Well, being serious for a moment (that's all you get of me being serious), stop trying.

In conversation with a friend of many years, just recently, she says that though she's a teacher, has taught ASD kids, has been on courses, has read books, and everything else you can think of, she does not understand us.

The curious bit is that I've known her for 30 years, I only found out about me last year, I only told her last week, and yet her response was "Oh! Yes. So you are".

You know he's AS. You can forget about "understanding" it ( I don't understand me. I don't think anyone here has more than the odd clue about themselves. We like it that way. Not boring. ). Just enjoy him for what he is (when he lets you, that is ).

You got it

Seems like I need to understand that I can't understand. Which is all well and good except when he tries to push me out of the door ( not literally of course )

Like what you say about enjoying him for what he is, which I have been doing and in which I know he also "enjoys me" ( in those other moments ) the big Q for me and its a pretty bitter pill to swallow is: Maybe he would be better off if I did walk out of the door and the truth is he sure does make it appear that way.

Hi!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Hi laurastheme, I'm sorry for your predicament, but don't despair! I understand that your situation is difficult. From what I gather, a relationship between an NT female and AS male is really hard, due to NT females needing more emotional connection and reassurance than an AS male (or let's face it...many NT males) know how to provide. As an AS female, I guess I'm lucky because I and my NT husband do well. It's hard for me to relate to your suffering because I don't share an NT female's need for a lot of emotional intimacy, whatever the heck that may be. My advice is to ask yourself these questions: Is he a decent person? Do you have fun when you are together just hanging out? Are you sexually compatible? Is his temperment stable (no rages, physical or emotional aggression, etc)? If you answer yes to all, then please try to stop understanding him (he surely can't understand you either) and start ENJOYING him! This will no doubt help him relax around you. He may be feeling so put off my your frustration that he just wants you to leave so that maybe YOU'LL be happy (he probably already is and can't understand why you're not). I know I've often wished that others would just go away and leave me in peace and stop trying to (incorrectly) analyze me and my motives. If you're really crazy about him, then just let him be himself and get yourself involved in other things in life so that you guys will have other things to talk about and do together besides sitting around trying to "understand" each other! Sorry if this sounds too blunt, but that's my AS talking ! Good luck!!

Welcome to Wrong Planet

You can like me, hate me, but if you try to change me, you are wasting your time and annoying me.