So, my whole life I've known I'm pretty different from most people, but I never had any idea why.
Throughout my whole school years I was known for being very intelligent, but quiet, weird, and unsociable.
Kids also made fun of me for walking funny and being clumsy.
I also "chose" to write left handed for some reason, and I was in speech therapy for a couple years because I had a lisp (which is still somewhat noticeable when I sing sometimes).
I was especially good at maths and science (physics specifically) as well as spelling and grammar, but I often did poorly overall in English class because I couldn't write an essay to save my life. Most of the time it was because I had absolutely no interest in the given topic, or because the task required imagining you were someone else or writing a debate piece from a view contrary to my own, neither of which I was able to do at all. Even in the extremely rare case that I did get a writing topic I was interested in, I've always had trouble putting my thoughts into words and it could take me hours just to come up with two or three paragraphs.
People have always thought I'm quiet because I'm shy, but that's not the case. I just generally don't like interacting with people face to face, and I often have trouble responding to inquiries which usually leads to long, awkward silences. I've been told that trying to get answers out of me is like pulling teeth (whatever that's supposed to mean), or playing 20 Questions. I strongly prefer to be alone most of the time, and animals fill most of what little need I feel for interaction.
Anyway, somewhat recently my father was trying to have a conversation with me, and he got frustrated (as usual). He ended up saying something like "you almost seem autistic with how you take everything so literally". That really surprised me, mainly because I didn't know anything about autism and therefore had never considered the possibility that I might have some form of it.
So I went and did some reading online, and also took some quizzes.
Here are my scores on a couple of them.
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 179 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 14 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
AQ: 50
I talked to my oldest sister a bit later, and she told me she's thought I have Asperger's ever since she saw a woman on America's Next Top Model who had it.
Another couple random things I couldn't figure out where else to fit in are that I really, really hate being touched (by human skin anyway), and I easily get overwhelmed by sights, sounds, and smells (especially when going into a store I've never been in) which usually causes me a panic attack.
I have had a job for a few years now, but I only got it because my employer is very desperate for employees and will take pretty much anyone. It doesn't pay well and I've tried applying for other jobs, but I do pretty terrible at job interviews.
I am hoping to see a psychiatrist somewhat soon to discuss all of this, as well as the depression/anxiety/OCD issues I've been having since I was a young child.
Also, I have some sort of unspecified connective tissue disorder that causes my joints to be injured easily, and I've had chronic pain for about as long as I can remember.
23 Sep 2014, 2:36 am
