Hi everyone

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I am not even sure where to start. I guess I will just type and see where it goes. I have recently came to the realization that I may have Aspergers while doing my own research concerning my daughter. Although she has not been given a formal diagnosis of autism she has been diagnosed with Global Developmental delay until this upcoming November when she is going to be given a full evaluation. (3 days- 3 hours each). I happened to stumble across a test online. I wanted to test the accuracy of these "questionnaires". I stared blankly at the results and did not know what to think of them. I was neither shocked, happy or upset. My score was 158 AS and 52 NT. I asked my husband to take it for himself and he scored 76 AS and 124 NT. I did not tell him anything about the test I had taken earlier and decided to lock myself in the house for 4 days while reading everything I could in regards to adults living with Aspergers.

A little about myself. As a child I was considered gifted and placed in an accelerated classroom setting. I was reading college level literature in the 4th grade even though this has never reflected in my writing skills. I was never great at making friends and mostly kept to myself. I would stay in my room and read for hours on end. I watched shows that most children my age showed absolutely no interest in; mostly anything pertaining to medical. I was considered a daydreamer. I collected bugs and rocks. I thought nothing of it but my parents thought I was a little strange. I loved to draw and was able to use that to shut down from the outside world. I felt safe. I loved every genre of music and could find beauty in all of them. I could continue to list quite a few things about my childhood but I would probably be here all day.

As an adult I struggle with the intimacy that comes with a relationship between husband and wife. I struggle as a mother. I love my family but do not show it in a traditional way. I am not a hugger. I do not say I love you first without being prompted. I know my children need me at times but it is hard for me to know when and what I need to do. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who steps in to save the day. I am obsessed with schedules and constantly look at the time. I do not like analog clocks and have to have a digital in every room to be able to time everything to the minute. I used to set my watch in school, as a teen, to match the school bell to the second. I would reset it for every class.

I keep my feet off of the floor when sitting because I do not like the feeling. I do this in restaurants even though I am trying to get better about this. I constantly tap my fingers or play with my hair. I pace back and forth in a room when I get anxious. When I am on the phone I have never been able to sit still. I am out of breath by the end of the conversation because I go from one room to the other and back until the conversation is over.

Planning a weekend getaway is a nightmare. Especially when there are more people than my immediate family involved. I have been known to leave in the middle of the night on more than one occasion. If we are traveling more than 20 miles my husband and I take separate vehicles so that I am able to leave if the need arises. I have been trying to get better about this lately. Especially after reading some of the things I have.

I understand that this post is all over the place and for that I apologize. There are so many things racing through my head. I am not sure if things are starting to make sense to me or not. Really not sure what to feel or think about any of this.

I have made myself an appointment, per the request of my husband, to speak with someone next Monday. We are going for a full evaluation. Whatever the outcome I am aware that there may be something different about me and I am willing to face it head on for the sake of my husband and daughters.

If you have gotten this far I thank you.

Last edited by sweetpea0899 on 07 Oct 2014, 7:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hey sweetpea0899 welcome.

staying in your room and reading all day, huh. did that same thing as a child, mostly medical textbooks and shows as well, pathology has been my most persistent interest. didn't get to know many kids my age as a result, can get along better with most adults than people my age.

i also don't have a particular genre of music i like as for me, every one is great and can make me want to listen again and again, and i freeze whenever i'm asked what type of music i like, i name individual songs/pieces.

welcome to the club sweetpea.

The Squid welcomes you to the forums! Your childhood reminds us of our own. (Except we don't like bugs.) We hope your visit with the doctor proves enlightening, and we hope it doesn't overwhelm you. It appears you've already accomplished many things aspies here struggle with, so whatever the outcome, don't let it get you down. Anyway, welcome again to the WrongPlanet forums.

I would go through my parents encyclopedias as a child. Medicine was my particular interest at the time. It seemed like I could not get enough of it. Library time was also a favorite of mine. I definitely got along better with adults. I remember a teacher of mine taking me under her wing. She actually became friends with my parents outside of school and would take me along to places she would go. We shared a common interest in music and plays.

Interesting in regards to music. It has never dawned on me about freezing up when asked what my favorite music is. I have just gotten used to saying a little bit of everything. I do name particular songs and very rarely an actual artist. Interesting.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!