Hmm .. not sure where to start.

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Hmm ... not sure where to start with my introduction. What does the instructions say? Oh! Hi there!

I'm an adult male in my early 40s and I have just started to see a therapist to help with the high level of stress I'm currently in. Toward the end of our second session, the therapist became rather convinced that I have Asperger's. I was taken aback at first as this suspected diagnosis came out of the left field. Upon further reflection during the last few days, I have started to think that he might be on to something. Yes, majority of the available online tests doesn't put me on the spectrum (two negatives, one neutral, and one positive), but those kind of online test are not very reliable due to its self-reporting nature. I have spent most of my time since our last session doing research online trying to figure myself out. At least I managed to stop myself from going onto Amazon and buying every single book on the subject (my initial instinct). It looks like I do display many traits associated with Asperger's, but at the same time there are some traits that I think that I'm missing. So I'm a little confused. It doesn't help that I am hyper vigilant about observing my own behaviors right now. Have I always done that little quirk or am I only doing it now because I just read about it? I hope that I can figure myself out before my next session, because I definitely got a one-track mind and can be rather impatient at times.

I guess that would have to do as an initial introduction. I will probably post a few follow-up posts to this one later. Feel free to ask any questions you may or may not have.

Is it too personal to ask what brought on the high level of stress that resulted in your needing to go to a therapist?

Hey Swiper welcome.

Hmm ... why this high level of stress.

1. Work related issues. I'm in the military and it worked fine for the last decade or so. Three years ago I got a special assignment to a joint command with a dysfunctional leadership. I have to deal with ever changing rules and policies, most of them not making sense or going against what I'm used to in the regular military. Six months they reshuffled all the offices and I ended up working directly underneath the top leadership of this dysfunctional organization and doing work that beneath my rank, experience, and expertise. I was also put in a tiny office space that is way too loud, way too cold, and way too bright for comfort (it is located directly next to the main server room). I don't really know how they managed to squeeze three full sets of fluorescent lights fixtures into a room that would normally only require one set. I would like to turn the lights out, but I can't do that because somebody else work in the same office. This assignment has also taken me away from my wife and child for the last three years as they couldn't come with me. I was hoping to be able to return to them at the end of the year, but now I'm being told that I will be sent on a foreign assignment for at least a year.

2. Family related issues. Physical and emotional intimacy between my wife and I died out years ago. We are basically roommates who happened to have a child together. She doesn't not like physical touch, have a bunch of phobias, body self-esteem issues, and appears to have no desire to fix it. This is very hard on me, because physical touch is something I need and desire very much. I'm very much a "touchy-feely" person and that's the only way I can feel that I'm loved. It doesn't help the relationship that I have always had difficulties communicating my feelings and opinions to her as I have always felt that she doesn't respect them. It doesn't help the relationship that I have been gone for about five years during the last ten years. My child has a rare brain disorder that causes her to have a seizures and because of work I cannot be there for her. I have already missed more than half of her life because of work and it looks that it will be at least another year before we can be reunited.

3. Lack of social interaction. I do live a very isolated life and I'm not happy with that. I can easily interact with people online, but I have a very difficult time with getting to know people in real life. I basically only have one single friend whom I can rely on in a time of crisis and I will be moving away from her at the end of year. I try to become more social by signing up for meetups and other forms of social interactions event, but I rarely go to them. The few times I actually go to an event I usually end up quiet in the peripheral areas of the meeting. I do converse when other people start interacting with me, but I just have a really hard time initiating a conversation and letting it take its natural flow. I basically don't know how to socialize. I'm really unhappy that I will be losing my only friend at the end of the year.

4. Career & Education. I do not see myself progressing much further in my current career. I was doing fine for a long time, but now it has become much more difficult. To progress I will have to take on important leadership positions and be able to take care and mentor subordinates. I just don't see myself being able to do that. I'm also unsatisfied with the progress of my education. I'm slowly working on a master degree program, but I'm having a hard time finding classes that I can take with my university. They offer very few classes in my field online and I probably should either change university or change my field. Unfortunately, I have a difficult time making that happen. I just don't want to deal with the hassle of finding a different university or finding a different field of study. It makes me too anxious.

I do have even more issues, but this will have to be a start.

I just did the Aspie-Quiz.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 111 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 100 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank y'all.

I had another therapy session this morning. My therapist is now even more convinced about the diagnosis, but he will still talk with some of my family members for formalities sake. It probably made it easier for him that I was blatantly stimming for the whole two hours session. Man! Those swivel chairs are addicting.

Welcome to Wrong Planet

You don't have to have all the traits to be an Aspie just a large percentage of them.

You ought to find out from him why he is convinced you have an Asperger's brain. If you have doubts he ought to know about them.

Not only do I now believe that I have Aspergers, but I also believe that EVERY MALE in my family also have Aspergers. Grandfather, father, brother, myself, and my nephews. All of them are displaying obvious traits. Both my wife and my sister said that they are inclined to agree with my observation.

I got my official diagnosis put on paper today.

"Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (without accompanying intellectual impairment; with language impairment) and Other Specified Anxiety Disorder (anxiety that does not meet the full criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder)."

HIIIIIIII

Welcome to WP Swiper