It would appear the time has come. Whether I'm an Aspie with a capital "A" or simply an introvert who has felt misunderstood in an extrovert world, I'm no longer a solitary voice.
I've made the decision to join the forum and send a post a few times, but each time its become redundant as yet another person gives voice to the words I was about to share. Or alternatively, I've read a post that jarrs and retreated in shock.
The tension between wanting to hold onto my originality and wanting to identify with those who share my personality traits is obviously a good place to be in. My creativity levels have soared in the past few days.
Acceptance is key to healing. I'm not using that last word in the superficial New Age Metaphysical sense. I'm using it as the best configuration of letters to describe the journey of recovery that begins with the breaking of denial.
Am I suggesting that we have a disease from which we need to recover? Not at all. I am suggesting that we have all been hurt and angry with a society that hasn't been able to understand or accept us, until now. And it is that from which we need to recover.
I don't believe my intense interests are a problem. Nor is my need for periods of solitude or my preference for one on one intimacy a problem. What is a problem is not accepting myself or feeling accepted by others because of that. When I feel that lack of acceptance - very often self-inflicted - I become angry and frustrated. Those are not positive emotions. And sometimes, I express that frustration by becoming judgemental of others as a defense. I don't want to do that anymore.
I understand that as a minority starts to come into its own, the pendulum sometimes swings a bit too far in the opposite direction before it finds its own healthy balance. This might be a necessary. But I don't want to create another Animal Farm. Evolution, not revolution, is my motto.
This poem came to me yesterday:
Pendulous Thoughts
If two pendulums
Were to make a pendulie
Could a pendulus
Make it right again?
I'm starting to see the context in which I wrote it. The two sides of the pendulum are probably AS and NT. If we all pulled in one direction, the world would tip over. We need each other. There are probably less Aspies because our contribution is concentrated in its power. We need more NTs to create the balance. But without them, and without us, there is an imbalance. Equal. Not an easy word for the average AS to embrace, but embrace it we must.
If you don't understand this post, you're probably not AS, and if you do, then you probably knew all of this already. And so, as I mentioned when I started, it is redundant already. But "hello" nevertheless.