Hi everyone,
My name is Alex (I'm female), 22, from North Yorkshire.
I decided to register on here because for a long time now I've had a feeling of being somewhat "different" to the majority of other people I come into contact with. I wasn't really able to put my finger on exactly what was "different" about me until recently. Up until that point I had put it down to being depressed, and having various other mental health problems, coupled with my introversion and awkwardness. However none of that seemed to really give a satisfactory explanation as to why I feel alienated from other people.
Therefore I came to suspect I am on the Autistic spectrum, I possibly have Aspergers syndrome or some mild variant of it.
The reasons I suspect I have this are as follows (I will try to be concise here)
1 - I have always had a very narrow interest range and obsessive interest range. For instance, I know a lot about particular subjects and can remember facts relating to the particular interest very vividly. I could talk about them for hours with other people, and I think I fail to notice when it is not appropriate to do so. I enjoy the process of learning and repetition and find it comforting.
2 - I've always found it very difficult to understand "how to act" socially. I have only managed to (barely) function socially in my life thus far because I have a sense of humour that seems to endear people, plus I'm quick witted and intelligent; coupled with the fact that I have spent a long time studying social convention by watching other people. In other words, I had to learn how to interact socially through repetition rather than instinct.
3 - I find it difficult to empathise "appropriately". For instance, if a friend told me they had lost their job, I wouldn't feel sad for them, but I'd understand that I have to act like I am sympathetic in order for them to understand that I am trying to relate to them and support them. I find this process very tiring and confusing.
4 - I have accelerated language abilities and a high IQ. I have always been very adept at reading, writing, and learning languages, but my process of maturation was very slow. I performed poorly at school as I was easily bored, easily distracted, and simply wasn't interested in those subjects at that time. I wasn't interested in partaking in a learning process that seemed to be so robotic and yet arbitrary. I always learn better on my own through reading books, magazines, and online. Consequently I have not followed the academic trajectory I was expected to.
5 - I can be quite abrupt and "insensitive" or "tactless" without actually meaning to. People have thought I am "cold" or "aloof" and other times "friendly" and "relaxed" in none of these situations would I have described myself as feeling what I was interpreted as feeling. This also makes me confused and leads me again to the conclusion that social convention is entirely arbitrary and therefore frustrating.
6 - I am very sensitive to external stimuli. I don't like loud noises, crowds, cars, buses etc, I feel like the outside world is very often too much for me to process.
Sorry for the amount I wrote here, I just felt like I wanted to vent.
06 Jan 2015, 11:14 am
