Hello, still trying

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Hello All, thought I would say hi. It's great to have found Wrong Planet I thought no-one would understand.

I feel like I have been alone my whole life and I ache for companionship. It hurts in my chest and I am so lonely I don't know what to do.

I had friends at school and at uni. I was always the odd one, people thought I was different, and I didn't feel like I was relating but it was something. At these places there were lots of people around. I even had a girlfriend - wow - and I cared for her. But she got frustrated that I never wanted to do anything else to take it to the next level or something : I had no idea how to do anything like that.

Ever since I left uni things have fallen apart - I still know some people but speak to them once a year maybe, they don't call me. I have joined every club going, did salsa for 3 years or so, but never really got friendly with anyone - never met them outside the club and after all this time I think well what was the point of it. I went there to meet people and it didn't work. I don't know why I am friendly - or think I am.

Same at work, I have been sitting next to these guys for 5 years and don't really know them - they know each other and go out (without me) ... I think they are all in Brussels this weekend > but not me. It's not like they hate me but I don't know what it's just not working for me we chat but they don't call me or invite me out.

I have tried so hard so crushingly hard my whole life to do good be good be friendly and I have got nowhere.

Am I kidding myself that I tried ? Did I try too hard ? Should I not even bother ? I don't know.

I don't know if I have Asperger's. My family abused me my whole life (emotionally/mentally) and I fought them since I was small, I stood up to them and said no, it is you who are wrong. The family since exploded, my dad died (he was the only kind one), my mum has been alcoholic for 25 years (she is frightening and dangerous), my sister became like my mum, and my brother I don't know. Maybe I am the luckiest of them because I want to change. I don't know if abuse causes Asperger's or just similar symptoms.

I try, I alway try.

S

Hey. Sounds familiar - all except for the abuse. Have you tested for Asperger's? I don't think that abuse is a factor, but I know that with the lack of control that I have over my anger, I could likely be an abuser. Since AS is genetic, there could have been some predisposition which triggered things in your family.

Hey Calandale

I haven't tested for Asperger's - I wouldn't know how or what the point would be anyway > I wouldn't want to spend my days at NHS outpatient centres or investigated by men in white coats wondering whether I am scoring over the threshold.

I have had all these problems my whole life and never found any explanation for it and I have asked everyone, but hearing what Aspies and Autistics say about their experiences resonated with me for the first time and now I can look back and see all sorts of things that seem like Aspie behaviour ... like I just remembered today that I used to give my project manager estimates in seconds > "that will take me 95 seconds to do".

I thought it would be a good idea to see if I can learn something from the experiences of Aspies.

S

There are some decent online tests. Some that are just larks, but some which are pretty comprehensive. I found them useful, as they showed me how a slew of seemingly unrelated issues all fall under one strange umbrella. I'm not sure that there is any real value to being 'certified', but it is sometimes helpful to see the connection between what may have just seemed quirks.

Hi

Actually I did one the other day - It was the Wired AQ Test. I scored 28, control group gets 16.4 ... mmmm

S

Hi rideforever & welcome to WP

I can relate to a lot of what you've said.

The friend thing is one I just can't get my head around. I have had "friends" during my life, but the number of times I've been invited to anything away from where I normally interact with them (school, work etc) I can probably count on one hand. I just don't get it - they seem as friendly to me as anyone else; they're not rude; I try to be friendly; but I never get called. I've stopped worrying now, because I've decided that the social interaction thing is too stressful for me anyway. I hope that made sense.

I hope you'll make friends here on WP - there are lots of people here who'll be able to relate to your concerns.

Once again, welcome

i can relater as well, if you need a friend, im here...

i know what its like, but remember that the sentence 'they have a problem with me' means that they have the problem

if you ever need to talk just e-mail ,

Hi!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Welcome,

Nope, none of the above, we are just gifted. The rest of that stuff happens randomly. I do not have mch faith in labels, but I do relate to this place, they are only blips on my screen, but funny blips, sometimes deep, but mostly silly.

Welcome to the playground.