I have an 8 year old Aspie who hits!

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My 8 year old Aspie boy has been expelled from 2 afterschool daycares for hitting. Anyone have any advice? He is very much into violence and I have to constantly screen things he watches and games he plays. Help!

Ut oh, I was the same way, he is probably just having breakdowns, but breakdowns at daycare centers are common... so not really much in the way of advice.

Can you figure out what the kids he's been hitting have in common with each other? There is probably something that they did or said that your son interpreted as intended to hurt or humiliate him, and that triggered his violent response. Telling an 8-year old Aspie (which I was too, 32 years ago) that what he did was "bad" is not going to do any good, because social rules are not meaningful to him. If anything, that could make him more aggressive, because he probably sees no good reason for others to have a say about his actions. Being wrong about something (e.g. about what other people mean with what they say and do, about what 2 x 89 is, or about anything else), that is very meaningful to him. So if you can identify what it was that he misinterpreted, and why he interpreted it the way he did, and you explain this to him, he will see he was incorrect and he will not want to make the same mistake again.

I do agree that there is something going on that is causing these outbursts.

But, as an option an after school martial arts program might be good. They work with self-disicipline, focus and self-control. Additionally, they have structered out lets for hitting others called sparring (with pads on for protection). But, check the programs out personnelly, (not all are the same). Let them know it about your son, and ask if they can help.

I work for an after school martial arts program and have seen aggresive children become less aggressive with time.

Also, if your son has some coordination problems, martial arts can help with that. My son is 8 also, being tested (but I am certain through research), that he is an aspie. The martial arts have helped him with coordination. Plus it is a sport. He is afraid of balls coming at him, so soccer, football, baseball, and softball are out of the question. He is afraid of his bike since he fell off of it. Having an outlet for him helps. But, when he has these out bursts instead of punishing him try playing 100 questions. Get him talking. Kids are cruell at this age. They find someone who is not the same and pray on that. It can be something as simple as comments that is not perseved the same way as an aspie.

Finding a program that has someone that is understanding is also a plus, so they can keep a special eye on your child.

Hope that helps.

try structuring his day as much as possible,
at least he only hits, my 6 year old bites (because he is a dinosaur)

Maybe he`s frustrated for some reason, maybe he is haveing a hard time fitting inn and the only way too interact is by violence. Try talking too him about why he`s hitting.

Doesn't that make you a dinosaur too.... :runs and hides:.

I have no specific advice about your son.

However, I'd like to recommend that you post this topic in the parenting forum - there are lots of parents of kids from all over the spectrum who post there and have experience with ASPie behavioral issues.

I have 4 children, S (16) and T2 (13) have AS, T1 (14) and A (6) don't really. I laid down a no hitting rule a LONG time ago for all of them, but especially for T2. He had meltdowns EVERYDAY for at least half an hour until he was 5 yrs. At preschool the teachers had my written permission to physically restrain him if necessary as did the kindergarten teacher. Fortunately, he didn't need it by kindergarten. He used to try to hit me all the time. One day I punched him back,(not hard) in the shoulder, and he never did it again. He also learned very early that his melt downs got no response and those are now very mild and few as well. He still occasionally looks like he may be considering hitting me or a sibling but he knows that he will lose his favorite things as punishment.
The last time he went raise his hand to me (a month ago) , I looked him right in the face and asked him what would happen if he hit me he first said, "you'll cry" and then said, "No, really you would punch me back and cry about it later." I really don't like being so strict with him but he has turned out to be a wonderful teenager. I know that AS makes it harder for them alot of the time but they can learn that their actions have consequences. You don't see alot of AS adults going around hitting people all the time. They have learned other ways to vent.

I have my diploma in early childhood education (preschool) and I know that all perspective is lost when it is your child that is the issue. Good Luck!

Hi!
How do you know your boy is aspie?

Welcome!

Hello stranger!

I'm pretty sure that as time goes on, you may grow out of this problem.

I started in Tae Kwon Do in second grade. It has done wonders for me, and in more than just physical ways. I highly recommend it.

If you don't mind me asking...how old are you now? My son is 8 he started in Kindergarten and is kinda discouraged right now. How has it helped you in other ways?

My 6 yr old Aspie was kicked out of daycare at age 4. Hes in Kindergarten now and is getting an aid to assist him. Hes been hitting a lot lately at school. Right now he has a watch that he loves, wears it to bed and everything. He says hes a secret agent. I just tell him before school to not hit anyone or I'll take the watch away when he gets home. It has worked for 2 days so far.