How to relate and communicate with aspies

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I have an aspie in my family: male, over 40, married with 2 kids. I have just been hurt very badly in a confrontation with this person. I need help!
The issue is his stubbornness and doctrinaire position on the use of his mother tongue exclusively in his household. He will not allow any other language to be used by his wife or children even to guests who do not speak his language.
How can I continue a relationship with the family if I cannot converse with them in the only language we have in common, English?

Well, to reply to the thread topic, everyone is different. Get to know the person and figure out what they like and what interests them, and talk about that with them. Then you can gradually bring in conversational topics about what interests you. I don't know how to interact with NTs very well because all of them are so different; same with Aspies.
But to reply to the content of your message, what is his native language (just curious)? Would it be possible for you to learn some of it? I know that some people find learning languages arduous, but I'd attempt to learn the language, but that's just me, a teenager going on trilingual. I love languages.

Hello Sueh

You probably won't like my answer.

In my opinion, whether he is an Aspie or not doesn't really matter. Since that person is not your husband and I am guessing you are a guest in his house (or am I wrong?), there is just not much you can do about it. I agree that his attitude about the language is too rigid, but it is his house and therefore he is entitled to his opinion, it is his decision. Best you can do is ask for a compromise for the time being, tell him that you are willing to learn his language (if you are willing of course) but that it will take time, and ask him if you could use english for the words that you can't say in his language yet (which he may disagree with).

If this doesn't works then I guess what you can do is go outside to talk with the ones you want to have a conversation with

I just don't think there is much you can do, I'm sorry, but maybe others will have good ideas/advices.

Shadi

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Welcome aboard the WP, Sueh.

Hi Sueh, welcome to WP

I've had a similar problem in the past but from the other perspective; my husband is Swedish and when his parents come over to stay, they converse in Swedish about 90% of the time (they can speak English too). To begin with, I thought they were being quite rude until I realised that it's easier for them to speak in their first language as that's what they do all the time at home and they often just forget which language they're talking in.

When they were speaking Swedish I felt even more ostracized from the conversation than usual (I'm not good at following it when more than one person is speaking) and I began to think that they were doing it on purpose as they didn't want me to be part of the conversation. This may be what the guy in your house is feeling. I way to get around it may be to try small snippets of talk in the English but make sure you always translate for him and speak mostly in his mother tongue. That way he still feels like he's being included in everything. I know from personal experience though that it can make you quite physically tired having people around you speaking a language you don't understand.

For the record, I've been learning Swedish for the past year or so and am now around a conversational level, although I do still get pretty tired when the in-laws come over as I really have to concentrate.

You could suggest he try learning English too with one of those book/cd packs. If he's against all of this, then maybe as Shadi2 says you will just have top respect his wishes.

Thanks to all who have replied to my question. I read all your responses and considered them carefully. Some were very useful, eg learning at least some of the other person's language (it is Swedish, by the way and I understand a bit but not enough to make sentences). I managed to learn German so I could speak to my in-laws, but that was a long time ago.He does speak, read and write English very well, but has taken a dislike to the language.

Someone suggested that I should only meet his wife and children at my house or outside their home, where we can speak English together and maybe they can also teach me Swedish. I think this is what will have to happen.

Thanks so much for considering my inquiry, and answering sincerely. I appreciate that very much.
Sueh

You're welcome Sueh and good luck with learning the Swedish! If you need to practice pm me (I can always do with practice too).

You're welcome Sueh

Hopefully he will agree to a compromise, if not then like you said you can invite his wife at your house when you want to talk with her until you know his language enough. Maybe if you try really hard to show him you are willing to learn his language it will put you on "his good side" and he may be more willing to compromise a little.

I wish you very good luck with this issue.

Shadi

This sounds like one of those situations in which there is no answer other than to just avoid the person in question. Since he is family and you want to relate to the other family members, there is still no simple answer other than to hope that he will ease up on his demands at some time or another. But considering how strongly Aspies stand by their beliefs, this does not seem too likely anytime soon. There is one very good web page that I found some time ago about relating to people with Aspergers that I just love. I tried to post this comment last night but since I am so new here with few posts, my post got rejected because it contained that web address. So the best I can do is to tell you how to find it using Google. Other people may like this too. It is on wikihow and the title is "How to Relate to Someone who Has Asperger's Syndrome". Just feed that title into Google and it will be the first link it gives you... at least as of right now. Good luck.

Welcome!