Ah the terrible two's.
A disclaimer, I am Inventor. I belong here.
In the good old days, I am very old, children were kept in a pen in the back of the cave.
It was dark and quite. They were fed, the dirt floor scraped clean, all loose rocks removed.
Children wearing clothes is just some modern fad, they do not like it. I have seen children in outfits that are admired by Masochists into bondage.
All twos suffer from sense overload, the inner and outer worlds colliding, it is a cry to shut that thing off!
Taking them out in a world of moving color and noise makes it worse.
In later times such a child would be kept in the root cellar. Silent, cool, dark, with someone coming to bring them food and drink, clean the floor, and go away.
I know, Children's Protective is on to me now.
Two sheets of plywood in a corner make an eight by eight playpen, line it with plastic, carpet, then an absorbant blanket, a floor diaper. Cover all windows with blackout curtins, leave one small night light on the other side of the room. 7 1/2 watt is bright, adjust output with tin foil. Foam blocks make toys and pillows, small cardboard boxes, one large enough to climb in and curl up, toss in a kid size blanket. Put in one clean well fed naked small child, leave and close the door. If there is noise from outside, a white noise machine helps.
At feeding times do not let the hall light come in, keep the light level low. The same for bathing, tepid water, low light. Keep a collection of floor diapers and washable foam blocks all the same texture. At bed time a diaper, washed, then washed without soap, soft, no smell, loose. Or perhaps just a waterproof liner and a soft sheet. Put the load on the washer, not the child.
Leave the child alone most of the time, be soft spoken and motherly when you come to feed, clean, put to bed. It is sense depravation, the outside world goes away, and the inner world gets all the action, growing a brain is not easy. Usually the child will quit sreaming, as it did so to drowned out bad stimulie, lack of external input frees the brain. When the child gets caught up, it will want more, perhaps to play in the room rather than the pen, ask.
I raise puppies in a cardboard box in a puppy pen. First they stay in the box, then look out, later leave the box for short periods, then spend more time in the pen, but go back to the dark box to rest. They will always chose the dark box for sleeping. Noise, bright lights, and they react badly. I speak softly when I come with food water, and to clean. They hide in the box, but watch. In time they come sniff my hand as I bring food, then run back to the box.
About the time they are chewing on my sleeve, having accepted me as part of their world, I take them, one or better two. And holding them warm against my body, go sit in the grass, at sundown. I let them go, but they stay in my lap. They sniff the grass, touch it, then one will step on it, and maybe walk a few steps as the other watches, and when it seems safe, joins the first. They stay close to me. After a bit I take them back to the pen, and the safe box.
I take them out for longer and longer times, but can tell when it is time, too much input, take me back to my box. This move between new and secure goes on till pups as a group are allowed to wander about and self direct, but then it is back to the pen before dark. Now I can put a door on the pen and they can wander in and out. It is their place, something familier, reassuring, and smaller than they remember.
I sit on the ground and a litter of puppies comes to touch me, talk to me, and all is well. I lead them around the house, playing the part of hunt leader, looking around corners, under the stairs, cars, and back to the back yard and the familier. We are building a map of the world, and an identity/purpose. When they are ready they learn about other dogs. They tune their ears and noses, learn the important sounds and smells. They are ready for a trip out, best done with an older dog, where we go somewhere and hunt for something. Checking out a strange place. The world has rabbits, birds, and it is with curious wonder, and safe with older pack members, that pups explore and become comfortable with strange places, smells, sounds.
Now they want to learn, to go out more, and are happy. When I stop they do, watch, learn what I am doing. If I find a box turtle I talk to it like it was a pup, pet it, and the pup comes over to watch. These are safe sounds, if it is a snake I go pick up the pup, hold it safe, and we go look at the snake together, by my actions it knows danger, and safe distance.
Once their base is developed they are self learners. They know best when to sleep under the house, and when to go explore. I raise some happy and well adjusted dogs that like and understand people.
If I took a box pup, dressed it in a tight costume, took it away from everything it knew, to a place of bright lights, strange noises, for an endless time, the howling would never stop. It would take a week in the box to recover, and it would never trust fully.
AS children are a bit more animal, they can turn out well if given security, safety, and low pressure to grow in. We are not slow, we are awesome and wonderful, and that takes a bit more time to develop. Your child does not need a car and a job, it needs a dark safe place to come out of when it is ready.
Do it wrong and some get stuck in the terrible two's forever, they are your eardrums, think about it.
I do not care what Aunt Murytle said, two is too young for the Army. Hiding under my bed is a common theme around here, as are closets. Treat them gently, give them the time to do it at their own pace, for everything else is damaging. Do not be pushy, maintain personal space and security, language develops at it's own pace, and slower if there are other issues, like someone trying to make you. Social interaction, looking others in the eye comes naturally, a few years late, but mess with it and it can become a lifetime thing.
Your child will adjust to life, at it's own pace. They are a rare breed and take a bit of extra care. They are more mainstream nowadays. You have a long road before you, a slow start will make for a better journey. All you can do for the first five years is keep them fed, clean, secure. They will do the rest themselves. We need time alone, to much input jams the works.
My historical background, how others have dealt with the problen, comes from the Victorian Period, look at the pictures of the children, little boys in baby dresses, light and soft, nothing underneath, their hair down to their shoulders, kept in the nursury, most showing displeasure at being taken out to photograph. They are five or six. Back in their nursury the windows were draped, the dress came off, and they played in silence. The worst was they became Lord Densmore, First Secretary of the Navy, in later years.
25 Mar 2007, 9:37 pm
I hope I can shield my Sam from all the stupid people who don't like non comformers.
