Hi my name is Chris and I live in Cincinnati. I was diagnosed with Aspergers eight years ago and was briefly on Wrong Planet back then. I actually met my second wife Lisa on Wrong Planet and she eventually moved from Staten Island, NY to Ohio to be with me. Problems later developed because we had nothing in common and I never found a way to bond with her autistic son. That is all another matter. The reason I am writing is a cautionary tale and to shatter a misnomer common in the autistic community, those with Aspergers can feel deep, affirming love for someone of the opposite sex, even those who are NT's. The three years I was with my first wife in late Nineties was undoubtedly the happiest period of my life. I felt an incredible connection with her on so many levels with her on so many leves, intellectual, spiritual, romantic, and sexual. The highlight of it all was a 23 day honeymoon to Ireland and London in 1998. All the time, lurking in the background, was my Asperger related obsessive interest in the keyboard sampler the mellotron. For the last 23 years I have been obsessed with it, and have acquired 1500 recordings that feature it. I felt compelled at the time to purchase the cd with the instrument on it no regard to the consequences. I heard my ex wife tell me on various occassions she was actually jealous of the tron. During all this we still continued loving each other and planning a family. She actually became pregnant but suffered a miscarriage. To make a long story short, things unravelled in July, 1999 just a year into the marriage. I admit I did wrong when I took her credit card and spent $150.00 on it. Because of sleeping issues I ended up in the day treatment program at a local hospital. At the same time, I was taking Master's Degree classes in Library Science at Northern Kentucky University through UK. I applied for a fellowship at a local college library through the UK program and ended up not getting it after striking out at three interviews. The final day my wife came into the hospital and was with me in a counselling session. The counsellor named Paul advised my wife to divorce me and not make any effort to save our marriage after hearing of our so called marital troubles. All the way home my ex wife was hysterical and I reached a point where all of the noise and commotion caused me to have a Asperger related melt down. I said things I should never have said, calling her a bad word and stating I never loved her. The culmination was I made a motion to strike her. She threw me out of the car and I had to walk the four blocks back to where we lived in Cheviot. She was crying hysterically, demanding I leave. I called my dad and he came to pick me up. Other than one time I came back to pick up some things and a brief appearance at the divorce hearing I never saw her again. Like a little chils, I did some terrible things in retaliation selling my wedding ring at a pawn shop for money for cigarettes (I told her about it) and declaring bankruptcy on a new car she had cosigned with me where they came after her for the balance of the loan ruinig her credit. THose things I would never consider doing today. I tried to contact her once five years later. She was directing a play at a local nursing home and I was planning to attend. She sent me back a nasty reply telling me she did not want to see me accusing me of never loving her and saying I was psychotic. Subsequently she married again and has two children, the oldest who probably has Aspergers or severe Autism based on photographic evidence. I just want her to know that I loved her very deeply and that the Aspergers was behind a lot what happened. After our break up, my life went into a downward spiral which lasted for fifteen years. I closed myself off emotionally and let the obsessive behavior take over my life. I went through two relationships with the opposite sex, both failures because we had nothing in common and no love was there. Today, I am finally recovering from everything, working at a full time job with friends and trying to embrace the world of people again. I very much want to meet a woman on the spectrum with whom I have some things in common. In my time left, I want to try and recapture as much as I have lost, including a daughter if possible. I also want to write a book about my relationship with my first wife, I need a collaborator who is familiar with autism to help with this. I want my first wife to be fully involved in it, I want a balanced account of what happened and some answers as to why she so apubtly threw me out of her life as she did and completely disregard the wedding vows we took. My basic message is this, if you are involved in a serious, loving relationship with somebody, make sure to do nothing through your Asperger related interests and addictions to jeopradize that relationship. Believe me, you might regret it for the rest of your life if you lose everything. THanks for the time and sorry for going on so long.
23 May 2015, 11:44 am
