Hello there I'm Daniel.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's and A.D.D about two weeks ago. initially I was struck with disbelief, I am often verry social, I've held grand parties, lectured at conferences in front of hundreds of people and generally get along well with my peers. Although my moodswings can lead me from near isolation for a week to talking to and hanging out with several people. This was one of the reasons I originally was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1. I understand and immensely enjoy sarcasm and irony (my apologies) and I get subtle hints wich I have come to understand many "aspies" struggle with. After beeing confronted with my lack of excecutive skills, lack of certain emotions pretaining to intrinsic motivation and my major malfunction, my time distortion, I came to reluctantly accept it.
This time distortion means I do not experiance linear time as most people. The order in wich things occur to me is jumbled about, so I cannot remember what order things happened in. I oftimes find myself making breakfast at 2 am in the morning. This also causes me to go in to an irresponsive state as if I'm catatonic. This is sometimes triggered by stress, but can occur without warning. From looking at my watch I appear sometimes to have been gone for several hours, often finding myself standing or sitting in the same position I was in prior to the falling in to this stupor. Sometimes time for me can speed up, drag along slowly and in extreme cases come to a complete hault. What frigthens me and makes me fear for my sanity is that I sometimes have memories of things that have not yet occured. such as walking in to a hotell, knowing everybody by name, where the bathrooms are, where my room is and how it looks.
I'm a graphic designer Illustrator and artist. I've had about 30 jobs in everything from health care, sales, logistics to I.T.
Unfortunately after my recent divorce I've lost my job and am now living with my parents. I'm trying to make the best of things, but I'm struggeling with depression and general lack of motivation. I blame myself for loosing everything and betraying people I love, wich is why I call myself Judas.
23 May 2015, 6:29 am
