I've been lurking this forum for a few days now, and have posted some snippets here and there when I felt they were relevant. I have not introduced myself, though, and I see that this is the place to do it.
I'm just going by R for now. I am 25, male, and I suspect that I am on the Autism Spectrum though have never received a formal evaluation. I was a gifted child and even though I did some strange things they could always be attributed to that. My peers told me I was weird because of some of the highly detailed and specific knowledge I had about things like trains and automobile engines. I liked to talk at length about very technical things as early as 8. I wanted to share my expertise with others and didn't understand why they didn't want to listen. It took me a long time before I realized that most people do not think the way I do. I think because I was always good with language (read: language, not communication) I flew under the radar. I started reading about ASD at the recommendation of a trusted friend. The more I read, the less weird I felt. Coming on to these forums and reading some of the responses I have gotten has been a very refreshing experience.
I always knew I wasn't the things people said I was. What are some examples of things you have heard that seem at odds with your beliefs about yourself? Does it still bother you, or is self-knowledge sufficient to dismiss these accusations?
I would also like some feedback regarding timeline/progression/improvement of symptoms. From what I've gathered, I exhibited many classic symptoms in very early development save for language deficit. However, it almost seems as if many symptoms "disappeared" (save for the desire to stim) until about age 12 when I had my first meltdown after a big move. Almost suddenly I was failing classes and had no desire to be social. All I wanted to do was play online billiards or stare off into space. I made it through high school with a lot of pushing from my parents, but I dropped out of University because I found it far too demanding. I feel really bad that I couldn't do anything for myself to make the transition easier. I often beat myself up for quitting school. Lately, it seems like I am much more willing to give up when things become too difficult. I became homeless for a while and I was so confused because my reality was not what everyone had told me it was. My parents think many of my actions are intentional when in fact they are pervasive and repetitive. I'm beginning to recognize patterns in the things that I keep messing up over and over again. Growing up I was accused of making things up. Can anyone else relate to this?
I'm living with my parents again and reading through this Autism material has been eye opening for all of us. I will be receiving a formal evaluation on the 11th of this month and I am kind of excited. It seems strange to get excited over a disorder, but I feel like I'm finally going to get the validation I never got when I was younger. I already feel like I am more open to changing the way I do some things if it will improve my future. Also, I no longer find it necessary to hide my desire to stim when I'm in public. What a relief.
Lastly, I want to relay a positive experience I had for about 4 years of my adult life. From 18 to 22 I worked in a small bicycle shop with 6 other employees. I found that I was very willing to learn this new thing even though I had been fairly rigid in my interests growing up. I learned the gram weights of every individual bicycle component I could, regardless of whether or not we carried it in my store. I got to where I could accurately guess the weights of high-end bicycles by analyzing the components. I was so good at this my boss said I belonged in a freak show. I don't know how I feel about his assessment. The bicycle shop allowed me to have the extremely one-sided technical conversations I so longed to have with people while at the same time being relevant (in that I was getting something done). I don't work there anymore, but I recall those years being very good even though I didn't always get along with my coworkers. I often assumed they could read my mind and we bumped heads many times. Has anyone else had a similar experience, and can you relate any information that would allow me to find something like this again? I don't even know if I am still interested in bicycles, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that. After all I demonstrated a willingness to learn something new as an adult.
I look forward to any and all replies. Thanks for being awesome.
-R
Last edited by bovinepugilist on 02 Jun 2015, 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
02 Jun 2015, 10:40 am
