New and lost...don't know what to do

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Hello, I am new here. I do not know what to do now that I have discovered others like me. I am a 47 year old male who has wandered through life, so far, thinking I do not fit in nor do I belong here. I am not diagnosed but am quite positive that I am what is termed high-functioning Aspergers. Now that I know what it is that makes me the way I am I have no idea what to do about it. I have good days and bad and lately, for the past 6 weeks or so, most days have been bad. I did not realize that I was spiraling down until a week ago and yet could not take the steps to pull myself out of it. Sadly it took losing someone I love, someone who has the capability to help me and had the desire to do so. Such is my life...pushing away those I love, those who want to be there for me because I do not want to let anyone see the real me. I am excellent at hiding my true self. When I mentioned my thought that I was sure I had Asperger's most people who responded said that I seemed normal. I'm sure I do, I have worked very, very hard to fit in. Even though it is very uncomfortable, most times I can look people in the eyes or pretend to. As a child, teenager and young adult I could not look people in the eyes. I could not strike up a conversation with someone I knew let alone someone I did not know. I have many other "Aspie" traits which I have learned to deal with and yet many which I don't even recognize, but am beginning to. My question is, where do I go from here....what do I do next?

Good morning, and nice to meet you!

It can be very enlightening and even therapeutic to hang out on this forum and put your true self out there on the various discussions. Part of this being therapeutic is to finally be allowed to be your true self without judgment or needing to pretend to be "normal". There will be many "a-ha!" moments where you suddenly recognize that you are not alone, and that many others feel the same as you do. It is a great grounding experience.

I hope you enjoy yourself here, and please feel free to jump into any of the discussions which interest you.

I agree with Molly. Reading the discussions on these forums and getting involved in them has been a great thing for me to help me understand my autism better and what I can do to navigate the real world more successfully. I was amazed how good it felt to just be me with no pretense. I was also amazed at how much I use scripts in real life to respond to people without revealing myself.

There is also the possibility of an autism group, if there is one in your area. It might be good to meet other people who are on the same spectrum. Although, it's a wide spectrum, so don't be discouraged if people aren't exactly like you. There are probably things you have in common, though. There is an autism group in my area, but I've never gone to it. Strangers are a big 'no thanks' for me.

Whatever you can do to gain a better understanding of yourself is a good thing.

As Molly and jimmyboy have said, being on WP and gradually getting involved in various discussions is very therapeutic in itself. No one here will judge you, you're among your own kind.

Joining a social group in your local area might also be a good idea, although it rather depends on the group. One that is less structured would probably be best, easier to relax in. I'm involved in one that is run by the members themselves; essentially it's a group of friends who help each other cope with a world that doesn't always understand us.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

You can study up on autism and identify what applies to you.
Then you can make adaptations to make your life easier.

For instance, a lot of Aspies have issues with noise--I just got a silent clock for my office. No ticking!

Hey BMXDad welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thanks everyone! I so need to learn more about this and why I am the way I am!

Welcome. Hopefully you can gain some direction and support here.