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Hello,
Just joined today. I'm a 32 year old mum, have been diagnosed with various mental health conditions over the years. My eldest son was diagnosed with ASD last year, and I'm unsure if I see some signs in my two youngest children. I didn't really think about myself possibly having ASD until very recently, but the more I think about it, the more it seems to make sense and answers so many questions. I have asked for an assessment, and have an appointment with a new psychiatrist this coming Monday, however I'm not sure if this has anything to do with being referred for an assessment as I was being referred anyway.
Anyway, I just thought it would be good to talk to others. I don't have any friends in real life and I'm not very sociable, so I mostly talk to people online.
I hope everyone is well.

I just found this forum today. I have a son who was diagnosed about 8 years ago and as we went through everything with all the doctors, the elimination diets, the supplements, and now meds, it didn't really register on me that I was probably on the spectrum as well. The closest I've come to a formal diagnosis was one of my son's doctors saying "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." And another giving me a quick verbal quiz about my career, my ability to concentrate for extended periods of time, etc. and just nodding with a "knowing" look. But recent life changes including a cross-country move starting over and struggling to adapt in a new environment and now a significant career change have caused me to do some self-reflection and the more I read up on it, the more I realize I am a high-functioning aspie.

I am now living in an area where there are limited resources for getting a formal diagnosis and/or in-person support network so that's why I'm now in this online forum.

I'm curious to hear how your assessment goes - what it entails if you don't mind sharing. I'm old enough that I'm not sure if it is necessary for me to have a formal diagnosis, but I'm curious to learn more about the process either way.

Thanks
C

Hey MoonAndStars welcome.

Hi,
No, of course I don't mind
I haven't a clue what happens at the moment. I went with my eldest for his, but it'll be different I guess. They asked many, many questions. One of which was about ASD in the family, and I have thought that his dad showed signs and so thought perhaps it ran on that side of the family. It didn't cross my mind that I may have it too. Partly because I was convinced his dad had it, and partly because I have had a long list of mental health issues which have always been put down to PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and I was misdiagnosed with bipolar and BPD almost five years ago. I've always known that was wrong, so I have for the most part, assumed the other things have always been the root cause. But I forgot that actually, I've also had these problems since I can remember, before anything happened that could've explained these away. It got me wondering anyway, and so I started reading more into adult ASD and also the difference with females.
When you mention your ability to concentrate for extended periods, are you able to focus on thing you're not interested in? I'm curious because I can concentrate brilliantly with things I'm interested in, but not at all with things I'm not. I don't feel it's a normal 'I'm not interested, but I will make the effort to engage anyway', because I literally cannot focus on it at all. Even if someone's trying to have a conversation with me, I'm aware that it's polite to engage, but I just can't. It's like I can see the words leaving their mouths but they're disappearing in front of my eyes and I have no recollection of what they've said. The same with reading, too. This is a right pain in the backside, especially in that I'm trying to do my GCSE maths (I didn't stay at school because I was bullied and couldn't cope with it) and I hate maths. It just doesn't make any sense to me. English I'm well above average, especially considering my lack of education (I was assessed and found to be working at level 2 and A level), but I enjoy English. Maths I am working at entry level 3 (below level 1) and at level 1. I have to re-read everything over and over with maths and it quite literally puts me into a rage.
And that would be another thing - I don't seem to process emotions in a way that society would deem 'normal'. I can be very inappropriate, have laughed at funerals, have wondered why people were sad etc. (I remember asking my mum why she was sad that her mother had passed away, I actually said something like "why are you so sad, she's just died that's all"). I can't handle how I feel, it's all or nothing. I'm never just a little cross, to me I feel like the world is against me and I want to explode. If I'm excited about something, or happy, it's almost like I've had an overdose of caffeine. I suppose that's partly why I ended up with a bipolar diagnosis.
How do you manage socialising? Being social actually makes me want to throw a tantrum. It has to be on my terms, and even when it is I still find it incredibly difficult. I have no friends, I have never been good at making friends and I don't tend to keep friendships for very long. I don't like to commit myself and I have a limit to how long I can interact with people for. I've always found whenever I've spent time with anyone, I've constantly been sat waiting for the time to go home. I don't know how to be with people. I know what's expected of me most of the time but I find people unpredictable and I also don't feel I can live up to what they expect. This is something I really want to change.
I have a long list of things I've noted down that I think indicate to ASD. I've gone on enough for one post though I think! Sorry :/

Last edited by MoonAndStars on 05 Jul 2015, 4:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you

Hi, MoonAndStars, and JustC - welcome to Wrong Planet! This is a good place, I'm sure you'll both get plenty of friendly support.

Thank you

Hi,
No, of course I don't mind
I haven't a clue what happens at the moment. I went with my eldest for his, but it'll be different I guess. They asked many, many questions. One of which was about ASD in the family, and I have thought that his dad showed signs and so thought perhaps it ran on that side of the family. It didn't cross my mind that I may have it too. Partly because I was convinced his dad had it, and partly because I have had a long list of mental health issues which have always been put down to PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and I was misdiagnosed with bipolar and BPD almost five years ago. I've always known that was wrong, so I have for the most part, assumed the other things have always been the root cause. But I forgot that actually, I've also had these problems since I can remember, before anything happened that could've explained these away. It got me wondering anyway, and so I started reading more into adult ASD and also the difference with females.
When you mention your ability to concentrate for extended periods, are you able to focus on thing you're not interested in? I'm curious because I can concentrate brilliantly with things I'm interested in, but not at all with things I'm not. I don't feel it's a normal 'I'm not interested, but I will make the effort to engage anyway', because I literally cannot focus on it at all. Even if someone's trying to have a conversation with me, I'm aware that it's polite to engage, but I just can't. It's like I can see the words leaving their mouths but they're disappearing in front of my eyes and I have no recollection of what they've said. The same with reading, too. This is a right pain in the backside, especially in that I'm trying to do my GCSE maths (I didn't stay at school because I was bullied and couldn't cope with it) and I hate maths. It just doesn't make any sense to me. English I'm well above average, especially considering my lack of education (I was assessed and found to be working at level 2 and A level), but I enjoy English. Maths I am working at entry level 3 (below level 1) and at level 1. I have to re-read everything over and over with maths and it quite literally puts me into a rage.
And that would be another thing - I don't seem to process emotions in a way that society would deem 'normal'. I can be very inappropriate, have laughed at funerals, have wondered why people were sad etc. (I remember asking my mum why she was sad that her mother had passed away, I actually said something like "why are you so sad, she's just died that's all"). I can't handle how I feel, it's all or nothing. I'm never just a little cross, to me I feel like the world is against me and I want to explode. If I'm excited about something, or happy, it's almost like I've had an overdose of caffeine. I suppose that's partly why I ended up with a bipolar diagnosis.
How do you manage socialising? Being social actually makes me want to throw a tantrum. It has to be on my terms, and even when it is I still find it incredibly difficult. I have no friends, I have never been good at making friends and I don't tend to keep friendships for very long. I don't like to commit myself and I have a limit to how long I can interact with people for. I've always found whenever I've spent time with anyone, I've constantly been sat waiting for the time to go home. I don't know how to be with people. I know what's expected of me most of the time but I find people unpredictable and I also don't feel I can live up to what they expect. This is something I really want to change.
I have a long list of things I've noted down that I think indicate to ASD. I've gone on enough for one post though I think! Sorry :/[/quote]

Funny I was the same way as far as assuming my son's father was the one that was on the spectrum. I also have a brother that fits the criteria. I guess b/c so much of the information I was given relates to men and their symptoms I didn't see how it related to me.

Yes I am that way as far as inability to focus. I can do it somewhat (on something that doesn't interest me) when absolutely necessary (work related for example), but if I am under stress or especially in an argument, I have the same problem you mention where I am aware they are talking, but it is like I can't process what they are saying - I can't pay attention enough to engage in the conversation. I hear snippets and then get sidetracked trying to dissect the meaning of a few things I catch and then when I try to respond to those things I anger whoever I'm talking to as they say I'm not hearing a word they say and I'm just zeroing in on minutia that doesn't really matter to the larger argument. Sometimes my bf now asks me to repeat back what he says if I seem stressed or checked out to make sure I actually heard and processed it b/c he's figured out that lots of times I am not really able to pay attention to what he's saying and I can't repeat it back even a minute later and understandably it frustrates him.

I have similar highs and lows as far as emotions like you mentioned. As for socializing - when I was young I read books and watched movies/TV to learn how to socialize and mimicked traits of characters I liked. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized that wasn't what everyone else did (and didn't lead to healthy relationships either). I also always had small groups of friends based on specific activities that often didn't require much conversation (like people I'd go running with) and when we did talk - all anyone talked about was the activity we shared an interest in - no small talk. When it comes to normal socializing, I find that if I can be in charge of something, that helps put me at ease - in fact it's hard for me to be at a social event and not have a task to keep me occupied (like I offer to help serve food/drinks or whatever I can find that will give me a logical excuse to interact). While these tricks have worked for me - it doesn't mean I have many friends - it's just some of the coping skills I've learned over the years to not feel so awkward.

C

Hello guys, I am very new to this forum and I found this site from my friend. He suggested me that this site is really useful for my research work. I just completed my graduation in psychology and currently doing a research work about reasons for autism and how to cure it. I know this is not easy, but I am still interested to do it, because this paper is part of my job. I think I will more info related autism and other diseases from this site. And also I looking for some tips to manage my stress, I am so tensed to work load in my office. Thank you!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Funny I was the same way as far as assuming my son's father was the one that was on the spectrum. I also have a brother that fits the criteria. I guess b/c so much of the information I was given relates to men and their symptoms I didn't see how it related to me.

Yes I am that way as far as inability to focus. I can do it somewhat (on something that doesn't interest me) when absolutely necessary (work related for example), but if I am under stress or especially in an argument, I have the same problem you mention where I am aware they are talking, but it is like I can't process what they are saying - I can't pay attention enough to engage in the conversation. I hear snippets and then get sidetracked trying to dissect the meaning of a few things I catch and then when I try to respond to those things I anger whoever I'm talking to as they say I'm not hearing a word they say and I'm just zeroing in on minutia that doesn't really matter to the larger argument. Sometimes my bf now asks me to repeat back what he says if I seem stressed or checked out to make sure I actually heard and processed it b/c he's figured out that lots of times I am not really able to pay attention to what he's saying and I can't repeat it back even a minute later and understandably it frustrates him.

I have similar highs and lows as far as emotions like you mentioned. As for socializing - when I was young I read books and watched movies/TV to learn how to socialize and mimicked traits of characters I liked. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized that wasn't what everyone else did (and didn't lead to healthy relationships either). I also always had small groups of friends based on specific activities that often didn't require much conversation (like people I'd go running with) and when we did talk - all anyone talked about was the activity we shared an interest in - no small talk. When it comes to normal socializing, I find that if I can be in charge of something, that helps put me at ease - in fact it's hard for me to be at a social event and not have a task to keep me occupied (like I offer to help serve food/drinks or whatever I can find that will give me a logical excuse to interact). While these tricks have worked for me - it doesn't mean I have many friends - it's just some of the coping skills I've learned over the years to not feel so awkward.

C[/quote]
Hey
I can relate to pretty much all you're saying. And the TV character thing, I used to do the same. In fact, I did that right up till my twenties! I don't care quite as much now though, I do but I don't. I care less I suppose, about what other people think. If they don't like me the way I am then they don't have to speak to me.
I can't really explain that well. I like to make a good impression with some people, like official people (kids teachers etc.) so they don't think I'm incapable, but others I'm not as bothered about now. Some things I still do to make myself more presentable out of habit, like wearing makeup for example. I don't particularly enjoy wearing it and I definitely can't be bothered, but I don't like what I look like without it, and I assume others will think the same so I wear it anyway. I never bother with my hair though. It gets washed and left. No point really, my three year old chews it and back combs it anyway!
I hate small talk, I don't see the point? Yes, we can see the weather is nice today... why do we need to clarify that? I'd much rather have a proper conversation, but it needs to be something I find interesting or I can't engage no matter how hard I try. I really DO try, but I always end up saying "I heard the first three words you said, couldn't tell you the rest though".
You asked if I would let you know how the assessment went? Well, I went to see the new psychiatrist Monday. He had got my referral for assessment and asked me many, many questions. My husband came with me, for support and also to help me answer things I may have got stuck with (I tend to go blank when I'm stressed or anxious). We had an argument on the way there because he was convinced he knew the quickest way to get there, but I knew that was wrong and we were going to be late if we didn't go the way I said. So I wasn't too pleased with being late! It was only literally a minute or two late, but late is late.
Anyway, I printed out nine pages of things I felt indicated Asperger's, and answered all his questions. In a nutshell he said he didn't want to diagnose me on paper because he felt it would be better left up to me to disclose to people, but he said it was very clear to him that I have high functioning Asperger's. So, a verbal diagnosis. However, he is going to post a report of the appointment and what was spoken about, outcome etc. so I will have written proof should I need it at any point.
It was confusing to me because I know they do things differently in different areas in the UK, but all I wanted was a definite answer either way and I have that. It was a relief. I cried when we left! It felt like I had answers after years of trying to figure out why I'm like the way I am and why nothing seems to have ever worked, medication etc. I had my appointment with my therapist the next day so I told her what happened and I'm glad because it means we can work on things I struggle with, knowing now why I struggle with them.

Thank you for sharing about your visit. I can relate to the crying part - a couple of months ago when things were not going well with my bf and I was trying to understand why he was so upset (seriously I couldn't comprehend what was upsetting him no matter how many times we talked about it) I stayed up almost all night reading about AS symptoms (I had already taken self-tests about a year before but had tabled it since anyone I tried to talk to about it indicated I was too high-functioning and seemingly too social for it to be possible). The more I read, the more I felt sure the articles were talking about someone exactly like me and at some point in the middle of the night I just started crying uncontrollably. I had always known I wasn't like other people, but everything I read that night seemed to indicate there was very little hope for me to ever have a healthy relationship (I have struggled with relationships - divorced and now have a long-term relationship that should be great but for my meltdowns, insecurities, etc.).

I remember having an overly emotional reaction when my son was diagnosed - like it was a relief to know what was wrong after all the years struggling to figure out - but also very upsetting and worrying about how this would affect his whole life and happiness. The main thing we achieved with him was understanding that he wasn't just being defiant to get his way - he really was wired differently. But at this stage in my life - I'm not sure getting a proper diagnosis to support my trying to explain to people that I'm wired differently would have any effect whatsoever. Since I've learned enough coping skills to muddle through so far in life - I'm not sure if the diagnosis would actually impact anything. What I need to do is find someone (therapist) who can help me navigate relationships. Ultimately I've figured out coping skills well enough to get through all the necessities - but the one area I'm still like a small child and at is my relationship.

I hope the diagnosis helps you to find some peace and useful tools with your therapist. I have enjoyed talking with you in this forum and would be happy to continue to compare notes/experiences if you'd like.

I too can have trouble with understanding other people and why they're feeling what they feel, or why they're reacting a certain way. If I've not been in that situation myself then it's difficult to apply the whole 'put yourself in their shoes' thing. My husband usually tries to find an example that I've experienced myself so I can understand. I remember saying to my mum when I was a kid I couldn't understand why she was sad about her mum dying. I was very blunt with her and must have sounded pretty heartless. It's not meant in that way though. I can be so unsympathetic sometimes! But it's never through lack of wanting to be sympathetic, if you know what I mean.
I don't know about yourself, but once I started reading about this and applying it to myself it felt more a relief that something made sense after so many years of being given a diagnosis of this and that, but it never feeling as if it made any sense. I think many people must try to make themselves fit into whatever the latest thing is the psychiatrist has said because you just want to find a way to move forward and fix things. But to me, this isn't something that needs to be fixed because it was never broken in the first place, it was just different. It's good to know where you stand, and it can help in finding a good therapist that can help you find ways of managing things that seemed unmanageable at first. Like being offered prescription after prescription never ever helped me, it didn't enable me to do anything or cope any better. It made me resent the professionals more and I lost trust in them because I knew I didn't have bipolar, but they didn't seem to listen to me. It's like banging your head against a brick wall until you read something and it all just falls into place, and your life then makes every bit of sense.
I remember taking online tests and scoring pretty high but brushing it off because I just assumed it was my son's dad who was that genetic link and having been diagnosed with various things over the years I thought surely they'd have realised by now if I did have Asperger's especially since my son's diagnosis. I didn't realise at first how difficult and less frequently adults, especially adult females, are diagnosed. It's scary how frequently it's missed.
Have you looked into private therapists in your area? I Googled them and found a long list of therapists, looked at all their profiles online and then decided on who I thought best qualified going on the specific things they dealt with and what experience they had, and also it had to be someone with the right face, as weird as that may sound. I had one last year I saw for nine months ish, but although he was pleasant enough I couldn't be very open with him as I felt I couldn't trust him because he was a he. And also he would always start by asking how my week had gone but instead of focussing on what I was there for, we ended up talking about the previous week so it was almost like paying a friend £40 an hour to have a chat about current events. It really wasn't helpful. My current one however, I have seen her three times so far and she seems really good. I feel quite comfortable and for the first time ever am able to do relaxation which wasn't something I could ever get into or take seriously before. She also seems to understand many of the problems I have, and can relate with her own experiences which is nice because I know she's not just saying it if you see what I mean. Could be worth looking into
Have you read any blogs at all? That could be helpful too perhaps? My husband read one recently written by a guy whose wife has Asperger's and he said it was really helpful because he could relate well to the husband and it helped him to see things from my point of view as well. Maybe your partner could find some blogs written from the partner's perspective? There are also some good books around too.
It's been nice talking to you and I'd like to continue

I was looking up professional listings for the therapists in my area. I'm relatively new to the area I live in now - we moved here January 2014 - so I'm having to rely on their professional profiles online to try to pick one. I found one I thought would be a good fit - but she doesn't take my insurance coverage (I'm in the US). I'm having trouble settling on another one of the ones that are on that group of listings. Each of them has something that just makes me uncomfortable - either they seem to be focused on children with Autism (and say nothing about dealing with adults) or they go to the trouble of mentioning their religious beliefs and their importance to them as a therapist which where I'm from is a red flag (even though it's considered somewhat normal where I live now).

I think my bf thinks I'm looking for excuses to not see someone - but I feel that in order for it to be useful - it needs to be someone I feel comfortable with so it doesn't set me back more. I already have a pretty big defensive shell around me - I don't need a therapist that makes me withdraw even more into myself. I did find a couples group therapy (not for AS - just in general) that I thought might be useful for us - it might help me to hear other couples talk about their issues and then I can understand what "normal" couple concerns are. I'd like to give that a try.

I have some time on Monday - I think I'll start calling around to offices listed on my insurance site (does not have the in-depth bios that I found elsewhere but at least all listed on the insurance site mean I'd be covered) and just ask some questions to see if I can find someone who has any experience with AS adults. I signed up for the state Autism network and all I've been getting is invites to children's activities and some creepy spam (I guess trolls think we're vulnerable b/c we're different?? I'm sorry but I have no profile on that site (just an anonymous username) so for some creepy guy to say he read my profile and wants to connect - are you kidding me???). Anyway, the support groups in my area don't seem to be focused on adults on the spectrum. I did find one therapist that also has an AS adult support group - it is 5 hours drive north in an area that is heavy with tech/science industry. I wonder if she would do skype therapy sessions?

I understand where you're coming from. At the end of the day, if you're not comfortable with them, then they're not going to be able to help you because you will always hold back. And to be honest, you do need someone with experience with adults on the spectrum. Having said that, it may be that they've listed experience with children on the spectrum because it will be more common for them. It may be worth emailing some of them just to ask questions and find out more. You may find one that does have experience, it may be that their online profiles aren't up to date and they may have since gained experience of adults. Or, you could email them to ask if they know of any other therapist who does have experience.
I don't think you're avoiding being seen, I just think like myself, you need to feel secure with who you choose to see because it is a big deal opening up to a complete stranger! It pays to be picky, it really does. I wish I had stopped the sessions I had last year sooner because that was a lot of money wasted on the wrong person. I learnt my lesson, I had an NHS therapist about a month ago who just didn't understand. Kept saying he did, but kept telling me what HE thought and really it just felt like he was making assumptions and not really listening. He also would put me on the spot and I'd feel unable to speak. It was just really uncomfortable, so I stopped seeing him after five sessions. Also because he was NHS, it meant I could only have a maximum of 20 sessions which are just not enough. He was making me choose between issues to focus on just one thing and that was just impossible for me to do. I'm glad I stopped those sessions much sooner and didn't let it drag out as I had done before.
Keep looking, and ask as many therapists as many questions as you want and need to, because they have to be right for you.
To be honest if a therapist focussed on their religious beliefs I wouldn't go with them. I just don't think they'd be helpful to someone who didn't share the same beliefs. And personally I would be far too tempted to get into religion/science debates with them. I'm not sure why they're a red flag where you are? I'm curious about that. But I know why they would be for me personally.
I think it's definitely worth asking about Skype, I know some here do that (I'm in the Uk, I forget whether I've said that already). Or they're happy to email as well. I've found they're usually very accommodating, some will also do home visits if you're happy to pay for their petrol, if you can't go to them so maybe that's another thing you could ask if they're too far for you to travel? Obviously if they're hours away it wouldn't be realistic, but if you find it difficult to travel in general then it may be worth asking.

I lived mostly in the western US before - where if you mention religion in the context of your career/workplace it often means you're a bit of a fanatic (everyone else generally avoids discussing it as part of work). Now I live in the Gulf Coast region where I'm finding it's quite the opposite and apparently therapists feel it's not only normal to mention their religious affiliation (which I know is not uncommon with Drs. for the benefit of some patients), but also to make a personal statement about their commitment to their religion and how it guides them in their carrying out their work as a therapist.

Sorry this is so short - I have to head off to work.