Living abroad and feeling very alone

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Hello!

My name is Sara. I'm 25 and teaching English in Japan. I like reading and video games, singing and learning to play the guitar.

In recent months, I’ve been seriously considering the idea that I may be on the autistic spectrum, specifically that I have might have Asperger's. I had questioned it in the past, but always written it off pretty quickly. "You're not THAT different." "Oh come ON, you're just extremely introverted." "You're just not a people person..."

I never really seemed to fit the list of traits and symptoms. But then I saw that women often have quite different traits than men on the spectrum and can mask their symptoms and "blend in", often missing being diagnosed as kids. After reading the traits for women with Asperger's...the puzzle piece finally fits.

Something that happened really recently has me really freaked out:
My family recently visited me in Japan. During one of our outings, I had a sensory overload MELTDOWN. The heat from the sun and the brightness of it was too much. The sweat trickling down my back was too much. The taste of WATER was too much. I couldn’t handle all the sounds around me, even after shoving earplugs so deep into my ears it hurt. I lashed out and snapped at my family and even (quietly) at strangers who were too loud. I didn’t want anyone touching me to comfort me. I had nervous twitches and had to keep tapping my fingers repetitively against my leg as I sped walked back to the hostel. When I got there, I grabbed my mother’s noise cancelling headphones, curled up in the fetal position and held pressed the headphones to my ears over the earplugs. Even that wasn’t enough. Even the sound of my breathing was too much to handle. It felt like something was crawling under my skin. A few times, the sensation became too much and I had to flail my arms as hard as I could to get the feeling to stop. Eventually I could sit up, and then began rocking back and forth and back and forth. Throughout it all, I was mostly nonverbal. I became mute....

As someone who lives on control…this was a terrifying experience. Ever since that episode, my senses seem even more heightened and sensitive than usual....

I finally told my counselor a few days ago and she said, "I can't give you an official diagnosis since it's not my speciality, but based on previous clients of mine with Asperger's and things I've witnessed with you...you need to get tested. I think there's a very very high possibility you’re on the spectrum."

All in all, I'm just feeling really scared, vulnerable, and very very alone. Seems I’ll have to wait until I visit home to get an official diagnosis unless I can find a doctor here that both specializes in it and speaks English. And even then, I'm scared silly that I won't be taken seriously and that a doctor won't be able to see through my mask.


Thanks for reading my novel of a post

Sara

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP, Sara!

Welcome!

I really envy you.

Hey Sara welcome.

Welcome Sara!

That does sound like a scary experience. Was that the first time you'd ever experienced anything like that?

Perhaps do a little research to see if there are any ASD specialists near you in Japan. Otherwise, it might be better to wait until you get home if you feel you can wait awhile (communication might be easier). Take a list of symptoms and traits before your appointment so you can be prepared, and stand your ground if they get dismissive. Hopefully that won't happen to you, though.

In the meantime, be sure to ask any question you have here on WP.

Thank you so much for your reply, Myriad.

I've always had issues with sensory overload, but that's the worst I've ever had it, I think. I can't remember ever feeling that out of control. Unfortunately, ever since that episode, my senses are going crazy, even more than usual. :/

I've actually started keeping a notebook and carrying it around with me to write things down. I keep having these breakthroughs where I'll remember something from my childhood and have an "Ah HA!" moment. haha. I just really, really hope I can find a doctor who will take me seriously and tell me honestly if I'm on the spectrum. It would change everything about how I view myself. Mostly for the better

Thank you! I'm so happy to have people to talk to about this!! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my super long post.

You're welcome Sara. Your post wasn't too much to read for me -- I've written ones even longer than that so don't worry.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your sensory issues. Keeping a notebook is good idea! I've been doing that too lately as I'm seeking a diagnosis as well. If you have a list of symptoms to help support your case, along with telling them about the meltdown you had recently (and your counselor's advice), I think the doctor should take you seriously. Maybe try consulting the DSM-5 as that might help prompt you about other symptoms you have.

I appreciate your appreciation, too. I hope by being here and reading about others' experiences you'll start to feel a little less alone.