Is life more difficult for Aspie women?

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Is life more difficult for Aspie women than for Aspie men?

Hello everyone just joined!

I have found from experience, that a woman who is socially 'incapacitated' has a much harder time than a man who has the same problem. Examples can be seen throughout society; it is not very acceptable for a woman to be direct, intelligent, rational, focused, obsessed/dedicated etc. Men find such qualities intimidating from a woman, and cannot compete with her as they do other men, so they ignore her and she is isolated from society (social groups).
NT women depend upon their social grace (that all-important yet confusing thing called body-language) and ability to manipulate to attract mates. I mean, I’m totally left in the dust.

A study found that on average, with every 15% increase in IQ, a man’s chances that he would marry increased by 35%.
For a woman, her chances of marriage and partnership decreased by 40% for every 15% increase!

I am a woman with high-functioning autism/Asperger's and I have found all of this to be very true!

What are your experiences?

I disagree!

There are far more single aspie men out there than women, it is much harder to get a date for a guy than a woman even for NTs.

for instance look at this thread: http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... 90&start=0

this womans problem is the exact opposite of the problems most aspie guys face

and Hi to you!

Yes and no... I think it's true that intelligent women (AS or not) are discriminated against, but this is becoming less pronounced as society "evolves."

But, since it's still very acceptable for a woman to live off her husband (as opposed to the reverse) or even to remain dependent on her parents, I think there's less pressure on women to find a job and have to deal with the NT world. Not to say that there's NO pressure, but it's not nearly as bad as it is for men. If I had to work to support a family I would just be crushed by the stress of it. And often for men, the inability to support a family means never having one. But a woman can still get away with being the homemaker/ mother, and have a family that way.

Women are expected to be empathetic and friendly -- I am neither. I've always been seen by others (especially women) as aloof and weird. Again, I am neither. I long for a connection to other women, but most times, am sickened by their constant gossip, inane interests, and drama queen moments. I always got along better with guys, am lucky to be married to a wonderful man for seventeen years.

Men may have more difficulty meeting and maintaining relationships with the opposite sex (I know -- my favorite brother is an Aspie, handsome, smart, but totally unable to deal with most NT women and their expectations, thus his singleness), but it's just not acceptable for a women to be "mysterious," a loner...Much more acceptable for men to be perceived this way.

We all have it hard, male or female.

We just have a different set of issues. Yes, we get discriminated against. If I write an email and hand it to a guy to send out the same email, I will get yelled at because it's harsh, abrasive, demanding and he will be rewarded because it's logical and clear. I've tested this out numerous times and always get the same results. (As a result, I reject all comments on this from higher ups, present my findings and threaten them with a lawsuit. They always back down.)

I'm always perceived as completely unemotional and hard. But, this is always by women. I don't have problems with men, I have problems with women. They want me to act a certain way and I tell them I only sleep with my husband so his opinion is the only one I care about when it comes to that. Shuts them up but good. If they go off and gossip, I could care less. They don't live with me and frankly, I don't care what their shallow opinions are about anything. (And yes, I do keep my jobs and have friends.)

As to men, I never had an issue with them even though I couldn't have been a joy to date. In fact, that's probably the understatement of the year. I was a dating disaster. Still, I managed to date and get married. The men who liked me were intellectuals themselves so they probably liked the fact that I was one as well.

As far as the stay at home thing, that wasn't my experience and still isn't. I didn't have or want kids and I would never be able to have enough interest in a residence to be a housekeeper, so that could have plenty to do with that part. In the corporations where I've worked, very few men had stay at home wives and they were looked at as oddball, control freaks with wives who had problems. It's that way in the corporation where I work now. It doesn't go well for them in the places where I've been employed. It's okay while the kids are really young, but then it's a major aberration.

I also haven't seen the thing with supporting a family. I never knew people who did this except short term. I didn't know that people still did this except for an odd few. That also gets plenty of talk in the places I work or women who think some man is going to support them. They're basically viewed as leeches, so not a very good thing. My husband hasn't seen this either. Maybe it's just in our fields. I don't know. We have all sorts of levels of jobs here and I still don't see it. Anyway, that's been our experience with it, so not many Aspie stay at homes married to guys here I guess. Hard to say.

I think the biggest problem for women Aspies is the inability to read men. It can be dangerous and make you predator and stalker bait. That is a huge issue. I would think having people think you should care about the house and take care of children would be a huge issue because that is still the perception out there (in addition to the expectation that you'll go back to work). I can see that being very hard on an Aspie woman. In addition there is a much higher expectation on women to socialize as has been said. It's ridiculous what women expect women to do as far as socializing. I won't do it and I'm sure they all blab about it. Maybe if they did something interesting I might be tempted. Anyway, I don't see the guys complain about that one.

Those are the biggest differences I see. Aspie guys have their own issues. Basically, none of us gets out of this with no problems. I think their issues are just as bad, they just come up in different things.

i dont disagree that life is hard for aspie woman, i suppose woman get discriminated against in the workplace because of there sex sometimes, but so do men! (c how many tips a woman gets vs a man?)

when it comes to dating i think men are in a different world, a average guy very rarely gets "hit on" by woman. I would consider my self average looking and i have never been "hit on" by a woman not even once. A guy is expected to take the initiative which is a very difficult thing to do for an aspie. Getting a girlfriend for a aspie guy is harder than getting a job (and a good job at that).

1. Life is hard no matter who you are

2. Life is harder if you are intelligent because you must eventually come to the unfortunate conclusion that you live amongst monkeys

3. Life is harder if you are an aspie because society ain't made foe us

4. It would be easy for me to say buck it up' but my life is a mess and I have no answers

5. could aspies be happy married to asoies? Could we keep it within the tribe?

Why is it whenever the men vs women thing gets mentioned, people jump stright to comparing dating?

There is more to life than dating. I like like is just as hard for males and females.

Yeah, but it may be harder in different ways. Guys who have a lot of trouble with taking the initiative in forming a connection will be concerned about finding someone. I think it's a natural thing to bring up, just as is the fact that gals are expected to be far too submissive.

Hale-Bopp-

I think you hit the nail on the head as to why some guys think they have it so much worse than Aspie women--not being able to have that intimate relationship they want causes such pain, that they get incredibly defensive.

As a result, that subset doesn't see what AS women have to deal with in the rest of life. We do get nailed for not being "feminine" enough, regardless of what field we're in, and to be told there's something fundamentally wrong with you all of your life has a psychological effect.

I know what it's like not having a relationship and wanting one, because I don't fit the "norm." I may look female until someone talks to me, and realizes I am not really "female." I don't like being dominated, and I'm not interested in being someone's housekeeper/nanny, and I don't ever pick up that someone is interested in me until someone points it out, and I've been around for 46 years.

Wow, I don't get that whole sex role thing.

But Nutbag's right. Everyone has it tough, and no-one has a monopoly on grief. We just get in spades in different ways.

Metta, Rjaye

I am not saying that Women are usually docile, but I know that they are generally kinder than males and I'm not sure but they may be prone to bad things happening to them with their ability to control.