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Hello all!

I was diagnosed 2 years ago at age 30. I found WrongPlanet while researching how to rebuild self-esteem and self-confidence. I am a late in life student. I have dabbled in pretty much everything and still don't have a sound career path. I have succeeded in obtaining a useless bachelors degree in general studies. I found medical laboratory science and was seeking a bachelors in that area, but it was cut short due to harassment by the other students in my class causing me to have a melt down during a test. After the incident my school (who had documentation of my diagnosis) did little to resolve the issue and I couldn't bare to return, so I left to focus on work.

Fast forward 6 months. I am now back in school seeking an associates degree as a medical laboratory technician (same thing, just lower pay scale). I recently left my job as an ER scribe to be an EMT (I have been a volunteer EMT for 1.5 years). However, my lack of experience seemed to frustrate my preceptor and he talked to me like I am a child causing me to go into shut down mode.

I know this is a lot to take in but back to what brings me here. Since the school incident, my confidence has been shot. I used to be the "fake it til you make it queen" (thanks acting classes!) but I'm so fragile now. I can't seem to take any criticism and I seem to have lost me ability to pick myself up and carry on after a blow to the ego. I decided to leave the EMT job (still in the training stage) and I'm considering giving up on volunteer EMT (since I clearly lack the skills I once had) and firefighting - though that is my dream job. I sadly live in an area where things are like 10 years behind and our city department has never had a female firefighter. I just don't know that I have the mental ability to stand up to the good ole' boys club and function under such scrutiny. There was a time that I did.I miss that part of me. For a lack of something better - it seems I've lost my muchness and have no idea where to find it.

I like lab science and at one time I thought it would be an awesome career, but now I'm not sure.

I really do feel like a loser being my age with no idea what I want/can do as a career. My husband is supportive of my new approach (not working and doing a million hobbies -but focusing just on school) but I still have guilt.

I'm just lost. I know you aren't supposed to give up on your dreams and all of that happy positive stuff, but there has to be a time when you realize somethings aren't realistic in your present state.

Anywho, that was a lot of rambling. Hope to find something here.

Thanks,
Wendi

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

The internet is a good place for muchness. I bet if you dig around you might find EMT work with smarter management and more autonomy. I sort of know where you're coming from, for two or three years now I've been considering a move from software development & I.T. to training & working ski patrol or as a registered backcountry guide. I got into technology when I figured out school was untenable. I love engineering but that's not gonna stop this country developing some of the most insane economic practices in history.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Hey Wendi welcome.