Reasons why I think I could be on the spectrum
Feel free to skip if you get bored
In no particular order
1. I'm writing this list (very high)
2. Complete lack of innate social abilities, I act by a set of rules (learned by doing stupid s**t) so I don't do anything stupid.
In conversations I can mentally keep up with what everyone's talking about but when I comes time for me to speak I'm blank.
3. I'm very curious, very young I was always reading encyclopedias. Learning gave me more dopamine than anything else. I was always trying to find patterns that would explain the underlying structure of whatever it is I was looking at. Math is my thing. I've always been fascinated by numbers and their role in reality. I remember in 8th grade math our teacher let us watch a crime drama about numbers (Numb3rs) and I felt like a badass cause that was one of my favorite shows. I'm an engineering-physics student and outside of class (avg 1 hour a day) I've listened to a few great courses on audible, online lectures and I'm working my way through the road to reality (physics book). I'm still focused on reality.
5. (Let me start by saying I wasn't bullied, we're all horrible to each other, and this is child's play compared to what I used to say) A few people have said I have Aspergers. At 14 or so a friend said it in regards to my social skills. A few other friends heard it and thought it was funny. But most importantly was my highschool girlfriend who said it a few times. I asked her about it recently and she misunderstood the question "Did you actually think I could be autistic" with "please talk to me about your life". Her conclusion was she didn't think I was but didn't rule it out. "So I mean anything is possible but I never thought the jokes had any validity. Sure, sometimes you acted like a child or didn't express your feelings or something like that, but tons of teenage boys are like that and it was always part of your charm. It's what made you you, what made you likable to me? So no, would be my answer. Again, it's possible, but you always had the ability to be mature and whatnot. You could carry on a conversation, you were brilliant. I think my parents scared you some, so you were always pretty quiet around them. But you definitely could be real with me, so I wouldn't say so" "There were signs, I guess. Sometimes you got a little one-track minded or closed off, but I'd stay it's normal for the age. I did know you pretty well, I'd think"
4. I speak perfectly fine, I used to mumble (my dad always told me to stop mumbling), I do it way less now but every once in a while I'll mumble (thank you) to the dining hall swiper and realize after the fact that I just looked like an idiot. It can increase in socially stressful situations unless I focus really hard on not doing anything stupid. My voice might be a little flat.
6. I don't really have a normal range of emotions, they're either driven by a combination of my body and logic. If I'm really tired (body) that would affect my mood, or if I've procrastinated so much that I need to do school work for my future(logic). Anything that doesn't affect my future or my body is inconsequential.
7. I do some weird thing sometimes. I notice almost none of them when I'm on auto-pilot, like I'll crunch my hands together or make a fist if I have an empty hand.
8. I'm was home over summer break and my family was standing around the island in our kitchen talking, and I couldn't handle how loud they were, I plugged my ears and told them to stop yelling, apparently that's weird.
9. I've taken a few tests, and some (especially the aspie quiz) hit me dead on.
I could also just be a high hypochondriac, what do you guys think?
P.S if you noticed 4 and 5 are switched you're a savage
03 Nov 2015, 3:38 am
