Hello I'm Janelle

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I'm a highly functional person on the autism spectrum. I am in a person-skills line of work (that I would never have considered before I sought therapeutic help) and in a loving relationship. I know what it's like to live in my heart and not in my head, but it took awhile to be comfortable with that and I still am not 100% okay with it.

I am rapidly approaching middle age (ok, so I am only 30) and I am losing faith that I will ever find myself. Partly because I have been coping with this "difference in personality" by copying what other people do all my life, or absorbing their thoughts, inclinations and behavior. I think it kind of stinks that in order to muster up a so-called life, I have to stop living as ME.

I'm joining this community to hopefully find some sense of community with other people who wish to belong somewhere and have lots of interesting things and some not too interesting things on their mind like me.

I bear tidings of great joy. Many of us will tell you that it was in our 30s that we started to settle into ourselves. I'm so comfortable in who I am in my 50s; it's practically criminal. You have just begun.

I am editing to add; my 30s was a rather turbulent decade for me and I think it's precisely because it was then that I was reckoning with who I am and working it out hard.

Last edited by MountainLaurel on 23 Jan 2012, 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome.

hiya we could always use more esoterica here on WP

Welcome to WP!

Janelle, how old were you when you discovered you had Aspergers, and have you got an official diagnosis? What type of therapeutic help did you receive and how did it help you? I'm turning 40 in a week and just now discovered what Aspergers is and that I'm very likely to have it. My next step is to get the diagnosis. Although I'm not sure what to do after that, I hope that coming to this forum and participating in these discussions will eventually lead me to the answers I'm looking for. Like mountainlaurel, the 30's was very turbulent for me. I hope finding out who I really am will start to turn things a more positive direction for me.

Despite my age, I still find myself mimicking others to try and fit in. I feel that thinking in the black and white, logically, and literally (not getting jokes), and not really understanding human communication too well are all part of who I am, and that it's almost genetic or hard-wired. I don't think I could ever change these things about me, but only learn to adapt. For example, I like yourself, work in a social skills line of work, but I'm considering switching to something with less sensory overload. I'm terrified of the idea of disclosing to my workplace and becoming labeled and treated and thought of differently. I'm so full of questions and comments that I'm afraid of flooding the forums here, so I've been just kind of hanging back here and still trying to figure out how to go about all this.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Age really has no bearing on how one is coping it seems! Clearly whether or not someone has received help is a big milestone for us all. What does it mean to be formally diagnosed? The difficulty with conversation, relating, eye contact, deep voice, lack of executive function and inability to filter expression and language has been a hinder for me all my life. I have not been self-diagnosed, if that's what you mean. I

It's okay if our thoughts never really cross or if we sit on islands and never intersect and if what you think about this has nothing at all to do with the matter at hand. That's just the way it is.

Hi Janelle, I went all creepy-stalker and looked up your intro because I saw a recent post of yours and you looked familiar despite only making a few posts, so I wondered who you were. Aaaanyway...I found the below reply interesting:

And wondered, now it's a couple of years later, do you agree? (I certainly do.) How is this "finding yourself" process going for you?

To put things in perspective, I'm turning 35 in January. A couple years ago I was attached to my family, living on my own in a one-bedroom apartment in a long-term long-distance relationship with a guy, fully employed in school nutrition and miserable. I was very lonely. Today, I'm excited to be working with kids, curious about dating other types of people, apart from my family, more free to tell people what's on my mind, and feel more connected to my anger and desire. I feel in conflict with people most of the time these days whereas two years ago I was totally avoidant. I am still quite lonely, and doing things to address that by starting and ending relationships. I joined a rowing team for 1.5 years and recently left it. While I've always been averse to joining groups, I have an even harder time leaving them gently when I stop enjoying the activity. So in fact, when I say I recently left it, I contest that recognizing when something isn't right is a form of finding myself, too.

I'm pretty excited to receive this "fan mail" and can't quite settle on a wise anecdote or happy story for you. Thank you for writing, very much so.

Which of the two scenarios do you prefer? I'm curious because I think I'm kind of the opposite. I'm avoiding people more and more, whereas before I was diagnosed I just kept trying to make it work. I'm still not sure which method is the right one for me.

I don't know.
If I hear a loud door slam in my apartment complex, for example, I feel worse avoiding popping my head out than when I pop my head out and see who made the noise. I live around mostly men and im scared to upset them so im silent in those instances. I call that confrontational still.

If someone doesnt return my phone call for awhile, it's more important to confront them on the issue. I don't put up with ppl treating me like that anymore. I let them know it hurts me so if they continue to do it I feel vindicated to drop the friendship.

Welcome. I'm just starting to mature at 59, though fighting it every inch of the way.

Welcome. I'm just starting to mature at 59, though fighting it every inch of the way.