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Hi everyone. I just came across this website, and haven't gotten to look through it all yet, but I knew I had to become a member right away. I am the legal guardian of my 9 year old nephew. He's in the process of being evaluated by a psychiatrist, so we don't have the diagnosis quite yet, but the doctor is already leaning toward Asperger's.

I have so many questions, I don't really know where to begin. I want to do everything I can to help him. I think my main concern at this moment is to find out what it's like for those who have Asperger's. I'm mostly worried for him because kids can be so cruel, and they're starting to notice that he's a bit different. He's the sweetest boy in the world, and it pains me to think what lies ahead for him. Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I can best meet his needs, and help him with his social skills?

I'll save the rest of my questions for later. I look forward to learning more about this condition, and I truly appreciate any guidance I can get from all of you. Thank you.

Hello, welcome to WP!

I'm 16 with AS, and the kind of treatment he'll get from peers will vary depending on how Aspie he is. I'm mildly Aspie so I'm able to fit in nicely while still being the oddball everybody likes. Feel free to ask me questions!

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Thank you KBABZ and Tim for the welcome!

Ryan is mildly Aspie. His biggest hurdle at the moment is his speech. I think his brain works faster than his words came come out so he sometimes starts to stutter a bit trying to get it all out. He also tends to add "uh" after many words. He'll say No-uh, or like-uh. One time he'll say everything smoothly, the next it's like you have to pull it out of him because he'll start to slow down what he's saying. That's the most obvious thing kids notice. He does receive speech services, but the problem is he most times can't hear himself adding that "uh" after words, so it makes it that much harder for him to correct.

He's been with me for 1 1/2 years. Last year I kept him at his school to ease the transition of being taken away from his parents. He was going through enough trauma at the time. But this year he's at the elementary school where I work, so that's a definite benefit. It's a large school (over 600), and most of the kids know me or recognize me. I'm the one the kids like, fortunately, because I tend to be goofy or funny with them, and I'll be out at recess playing kickball or jumprope with them. I'm not a teacher, just a classroom aide. At his old school, he was picked on a lot, and didn't have many friends. At my school the kids know I'm his aunt, so he hasn't been picked on once, thankfully. It's his fresh start, and so far, so good. He tends to be a loner, so I'm trying to work on that as much as possible for his sake. My house is the one all the kids in the neighborhood gravitate toward (I have a 12 year old daughter they're friends with) so with the summer approaching, there will be kids here all the time. I made it a point to get the boys his age who attend our school to come over to play to get to know him, so he does have a few good friends that help him with his socialization. Still he's very literal, and says things that can be hurtful to them at times, without meaning to be that way. When I observe that I usually pull him aside away from them and try to explain how a comment could offend them.

He loves Legos and builds things all the time. He's always drawing blueprints for his latest inventions. Legos, dinosaurs and sharks are his big obsessions, but mostly Legos. He lives, breathes and sleeps them. I have to run right now, but I'll check back later on.

Thank you!

Lego? Wish I had a jumbo bucket of that stuff. Although my ambitions tend to be bigger than the bucket... anyway, a nice tip is that Spectrumites (it's a term I made up to regard to anyone on the Spectrum) often move at their own pace, and forging them faster than that can have you running into problems. It's good that you yourself are popular with the other kids as this can help with the bullying problem, as bullying is the main crucial factor that can stuff up an Aspie's view on life.

Often, when explaining about an offensive comment, such as "Yes, are are fat" as an example, you should use a logical argument that goes deeper than the "How would you feel if someone said that to you?" comment (which is canceled out by logic anyway, he'll think "But I'm not fat, so I won't be offended". Some prior notification to peers about his inadvertent offending comments can also be useful. Also, you could ask him if his thoughts stutter as well (most likely not) and then ask if he wants to speak as well as his thoughts do (give time on this one, he may not have thought about it).

Also, you (as does everyone else) get an award for spelling my username right. (ironically enough my first name is Tim, so technically you thanked my twice!)

Thank you for this advice! I'm very guilty of asking him how he would feel if someone said such-and-such to him, and each time he would say that he wouldn't be offended. So I greatly appreciate your giving me a glimpse into how his mind operates with that situation. It makes sense, and I never thought of it in that way. I will definitely change my approach there.

As for his speech, he doesn't hear himself saying "uh" after the words, but I never asked if his thoughts stutter when he does. Usually when he starts to stutter and the words get "stuck", if I tell him to start over, he'll repeat what he was saying without the stuttering. I'll ask him the next time he does that.

Thanks for the insight about him working at his own pace with forming friendships. You are so right. He does pretty well when it's just one friend over, but when there's more than one, his interactions with the other kids only last for so long, and then he goes off on his own. When that happens I'll ask him if everything's ok, and he'll tell me he doesn't want to do what the other kids are playing. Then he'll go into his room and start building something. I let him be, and then when I see the kids are doing something different, I'll let him know, and sometimes he'll want to rejoin them, other times he won't. I won't push him.

I haven't said anything to his friends yet, because I haven't told him yet about the AS. I want to wait until we have the actual diagnosis, which will be soon. He has most of the classic symptoms, and as I research this, it almost seems like a relief to know what it is so that I can adapt to what's best for him. The not knowing has been difficult, and it's like my concerns have been validated, if that makes any sense. He's had a rough childhood, so there were always the excuses given that his uniqueness and different ways of thinking were stress-related.

I'm sorry if I'm being a bother. This is all new to me, and I want to learn what I can to keep him happy and his self esteem up. He's such a different child now from when he first came to live with us, and I couldn't be prouder of him for all the progress he's made. I've been learning to keep him to a specific routine, because anything out of the ordinary distracts him. As long as he's happy, I'm happy and not as worried.

Thanks again!

I'm sorry, but I forgot to ask a question. Ryan asks about 14,000 (exaggerated) what if questions a day. "What would you do if?.....", "What would happen if?".....". He comes up with a hundred different scenarios of things. Then if I don't answer them the way he thinks I should, he tells me I'm not understanding him and he'll say it again, until he finally tells me what he thinks, and then he moves on to the next question. Any advice on how I should handle the hundreds of questions? He doesn't like it much when I give the "wrong" answer, and then he'll go into a detailed explanation as to why I'm wrong. I'll tell you, he has this incredible higher order thinking going on in his head. It wouldn't surprise me if he ends up a great inventor one day with all the ideas he comes up with.

Not sure if I can answer the ones on the questions! Maybe at the end you could say kindly that you'd like a brief version of why you're 'wrong'? (and I'm assuming he doesn't do this with things like "What's for dinner?").

One thing about routine my parents have cleverly snuck in is the same meal each night of the week. For example, on Wednesdays we have pasta, Fridays Fish and Chips, Saturdays I have Pizza, Sundays we have Potato Wedges and Sausages, and on Monday and Thursday we usually have Potatoes with Coleslaw and some sort of meat like hamburger or fish sticks or meatball or something. This can be a neat little thing to introduce, and a good thing is you can restrict it to just Ryan and customize your whenever you feel!

Also, in explained why he says the offending remarks, don't say "He says things he doesn't mean sometimes because he has AS", just say "He says things he doesn't mean sometimes" in a 'Just a heads-up' sort of way.

EDIT: Also, you may find that his opinion on himself will be a 'I dunno', especially broad ones like "What are you offended by?" unless he has some prior experience that he can remember. On a side note, I also say "I don't know... it's because..." and say the answer! It's one of my quirks!

Hi! Welcome!

I hope you enjoy posting!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

It's funny you mention the meal thing for dinner. Ryan is a very fussy eater, so I'm limited in what he'll eat. At first I thought it was because he was only used to eating those particular things and nothing else. I would make something he'd like, but also make him taste a bite of what we were having. He had such intense reactions to tasting even the smallest bite, that I had to stop doing that. I just found out that AS is probably the reason. I will try your suggestion. You have such great ideas.

Thanks also for the welcome larsenjw!

I just thought I'd let you know, my name is Jason.

Welcome aboard!

Hello, we will be happy to answer any questions you may have. I didn't know I had asperger's until I was 19 and you are very correct that children can be cruel towards people with this condition. Bullying is a sad epidemic in the world, especially against people with AS since we tend to have trouble coping with criticism. Let your nephew know that he will always be loved no matter what, that is what matters. When times are tough for people with aspergers it helps a great deal to know other people care. Good luck.

Welcome Lorie,

You must learn complex new knowledge, In what year were Lego invented, by whom, what country, where is the lego park, and how are the competitions going? There are some great books, try ebay. Next comes your personal Lego collection. You do not have enough, and some are cooler than others.

Lego programable robots would put you one step ahead. When marketed, Lego thought younger teen boys were the market, but from the warentee cards, they found mostly male, from the twenties, most common, up to the fifties, and a fair amount of women.

Lego is a cool and somewhat understandable obsession. Shared obsessions run deep. He may connect well with other children through Lego, but you are his most important connection for a while to come. It is not a massive amount of learning for you, and the cost is not high to really connect. A little Goggle, a little ebay shopping, and you are Aunt Cool. Being a girl and older you will need help with your Lego robot.

I ran this on a little girl when her parents were breaking up, life was upsetting, she spent a lot of time at Grandma's, and of course it made her unhappy. I scored a collection of Barbie, Mermaid, about ten in all from a thrift store. They were like new. Her Aunt is my little girl, I visit once a month, and I left my doll collection. She was about four. When she discoved them she asked who's dolls? She had been somewhat moppy, withdrawn, but suddenly she was asking Grandma all sorts of questions.

I was sold out, in a sneaky way, Grandma let her play with my dolls, but only on the bed, and she had to put them back like they were so I would not find out. I could tell someone had been playing with my dolls. I said nothing, and when I was around she left them alone, but her and Grandma shared smiles. This went on for six months. The parents, a couple of loud, bad, noisey, children fully parted, life settled down, got happy again, and the little one came and told me that I was a doll neglecter, never played with them, never gave them names, and she had taken them away so they would be happy. They were hers now, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Trying to keep the peace I offered to trade all my rights if she would run the Fox and Hound movie for me, and tell me the story. After that we danced, she loves to waltz, and she calls me Prince Philip. Dancing with me is safe if your feet do not go beneath my belt, if they are on the floor watch out. For a while I was very cool, Then her Mom met another guy, and he stole her away from me. He played with her every day, let her use his computer, and they became best friends. Now she calls him Daddy, and has a little brother all her own.

For a while she treated me as an ex, withdrew, did not demand that I dance with her, even said she did not remember me. I reintroduced myself, we started over, we used to date, but she is like married now, new relationship between us. Now we are friends again, and she lets me color in her books, but only a tree, and then she fixes it.

The first and formost thing is they are kids, no matter what else is going on, it is kid first. Before getting any ideas about how his speech might offend some imaginary person, watch twenty hours of South Park. Those potty mouth little brats are normal. It is all about standards, stay current.

We can do one thing very well, and two very badly, we got born with Serial Ports, deal with it! You Parralell Port Bi-Directional wired types are so general, yes you can do many things at once, but none of them as well as one thing done with total focus. It is all about standards, ours ar obsessively high. Why be less than perfect? Would you half cook half of dinner?

UbbyUbbyUbby is our resident Dinosaur expert. He got his Masters in Palentology self taught, he is seven, and can be found in the Kids' Crater. He is Australian, his Mum, Smelena is someone you should meet.

I hold Patents, which I write and process myself. I have posted several things about the thought and paper process. There is no age requirement, it is pure concept, if you are the first to come up with the idea, and get past the Patent Examiners, you get it. Inventors are rarer than aspies, about one in 10,000.

It cannot be taught, Inventors are born that way. It is impossible to turn one into a normal human. There is a invention project starting up now, launching new products. The first product is a system of teaching mathematics, in a boardgame format. Toys and games are big business. He can not become a full member of The Inventor's Guild till his first Patent issues, but apprentice will do for now.

Welcome new member Lorie.