Diagnosed yesterday

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I signed up here a few months ago when I realized I was probably autistic. Yesterday I got diagnosed ASD Level 1, plus they threw in ADHD and a half dozen depression/anxiety disorders.

Reading the diagnosis and treatment plan is like looking at another world. Over there, I get weekly therapy, I can get medication to control anxiety, I can have some kind of structure in my life. I can ask for workplace accommodations to avoid unnecessarily debilitating situations.

And yet, here I am sitting in a hotel room, about to go to work at a job site. Anxiety surging to the point where my skin is tingling.

It's not like I didn't hate my life before-I would never have even discovered I was autistic if my life had been going well. It's just that now I can envision a life that's not horrible-at least, not all the time. But I really can't see any way to cross the chasm between where I am now and that other life described in the Treatment Plan of that diagnosis.

I'm in the process of being diagnosed. I honestly don't know what to say to you because I'm not sure how I'm going to feel if I do get diagnosed. I think I'm going to feel relieved and awful at the same time.

And if I'm not diagnosed, I'll feel hopeless.

All I can say is take it one step at a time. Worrying too much about the future is not productive. Focus on what you need to do now. Maybe the next step will become more obvious once you start.

Yup, that's pretty much how I feel, and why I keep cancelling appointments.

Seeing as you just started with your therapy, it may take some time. If you continue to feel unhappy at your job, you should figure out exactly what the problem is so that you can solve it. In the worst case scenario, maybe it isn't the job for you; if that's the case, I'd advise you NOT to quit until you can find another job.

The problem is, I'm not even really in therapy. I'm on the road, living out of hotels, with no real idea even what state I'll be in two weeks from today.

Until a few months ago, I didn't have the slightest idea why sometimes I hated my job and sometimes I really liked it. Now I have pretty good idea of that, and I can envision a job that would not make me absolutely miserable.

And I cannot quit, because I have to keep working to pay off the people who have suckered me into borrowing money from them. I have been looking for a new job on and off for over a year. But I had stopped recently, because I wanted to see the results of the diagnostic before taking any major action.

It's not like any of this has changed since last week. I guess I was hoping the diagnosis would provide some kind of revelation, even though of course I knew it wouldn't. It was just...reading through the recommended workplace accommodations that I can't have, and treatment plans that I cannot execute...it just really made me hate my life even more than before, although I do feel better about myself than before.

I guess I should probably be doing less wistful whining and more working on my resume.

I think what you are feeling is normal. Probably a lot of people think only of the diagnosis, then when diagnosed, feel lost, because it's not an instant fix. Your problems will not go away overnight.

What you now have is an answer. Now that you know the cause, you need to research, and work with others towards a solution. It's going to be hard work, but you can do it if it's what you want.

Try to relax and envision your next step. The resume sounds like a good starting point to me

This might be the first time anyone has said that to me lol.

^ Ha, well, it's normal to me, so who knows? Not exactly normal myself lol.

Remember: no one is normal. Everyone is unique and different in their own ways.

^ Haha, that sounds exactly like something one of my therapists would say. Maybe you should be a therapist!

Butterfly

I can feel your pain.

It is great seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but you still have to make the journey.

I hope you have a good support network. If not hopefully we can help.

Hey black0441 welcome.

Well thanks, I appreciate the kind words. I feel a lot better than I did this morning.

I am still somewhat disappointed that getting the diagnosis did not magically fix all my problems