I think my daughter is in denial.

Post Reply New Topic

My youngest daughter came over to visit today. I had her do an aspie quiz for me. She got most the behavior questions right except for socialization. She gives me a lot more credit for socializing than there is in reality. Yes, when I was in school I would talk to classmates. Yes, I talk to people when I do errands. I talk to the neighbors occasionally. But, I don't have any actual friends right now. I have never been able to bridge the gap between seeing someone at school or work to seeing them outside of that setting. Anyway, I walked my dog and when I came back she was gone, then I went to get groceries I came back and she was here watching a make up video, this is where the denial comes in. She took one look at me and guessed I was stressed and she said okay I am going to turn this off for you because it's torture. She is right and then she went home.

I don't know that I have Asperger's. I score high on all the online tests, but I am not sure they are very or at all accurate. A lot of times the answer is none of the above or it's like yes I have that behavior, but it could be because of neglect or abuse that happened when I was a kid. And I am INTP on the Myer's Briggs thing and T's are almost always going to have social problems I think and introverts well being social isn't exactly in the wheelhouse. There is also the theory that INT's both the P's and J's are the prototypical Asperger's personality. So, there is also that possibility that I have the personality traits without actually having the neurological make up of someone who actually has it. I don't know if I want to be tested at this point. I just know I have gotten a lot of grief in my life for my weirdness and I don't know how much it matters if I have an actual disorder or if I am as many people say eccentric.

Hey steelysunshine welcome.

I am the one that has trouble reading people. My daughter has no problems in that area. She read that I was stressed by looking at me. I can't really tell how stressed people are by looking at them. She was denying earlier that about how social I am. She was insisting that I like being social and I have no problems talking to people or getting to know people despite the fact I haven't had any close friends for about 15 years now. She insists that I love visiting with her and her boyfriend even though I have only been to her house once in 3 months and they are only 2 blocks away. She comes here to visit me. I am not going to argue with her though, I am glad she thinks I am normal. Maybe a bit weird, but normal.

OK. I think I have a clue what you are talking now.
So it bothers you that she thinks you are more social than you are.
Is it really a problem?
Why do you want her to think you are less social than she thinks you are?

Is it because you want to be diagnosed?

Close ones are often the worst diagnosers. Her perspective is biased because she was raised by you and she is used to your social style. She seen you all the time when she was growing up so she considers whatever you do is a norm, deep in her subconscious. Even if she is way more social than you she still thinks there is nothing wrong with you because you act according to the "norm" she keeps deep in her brain. She doesn't pretend you are neurotypical. She is actually convinced that whatever you do is typical.

If you want someone to confirm or dismiss your supposed diagnosis go to a professional.

Hi steelysunshine. My name is Bluebell91. I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 17. I'm 24 now. Maybe your daughter doesn't want to accept that you have Aspergers or some diagnosis as this will change her impression of you. She has probably always seen you as a kind caring parent, who is strong and can sort out any problem. She doesn't want to accept that you have weaknesses or problems. She doesn't want you to change in her mind. She depends on you.

In saying that, being diagnosed was the best thing that ever happened to me. If I ever have children, I will tell them young so they see it as something acceptable and not odd. They will have a very high chance of having it themselves anyway, as me and my partner are both diagnosed. I want to be a role model for them and so should you. If you know in your heart and soul that something is not right, if you believe you have it, go to a psychologist and find out. Speculating with online tests causes a lot of anxiety, believe me. A concrete diagnosis will serve you better. I know the right thing will happen eventually.

Anyway, if you want to read some of my own experiences, I have started a blog. I want to share what I've experienced in the hopes of helping someone out there. The link is:

https://wordpress.com/posts/technicolou ... dpress.com

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Personally, I am still traumatized by learning I was on the spectrum seven years ago. As for how this is related to the topic, it's because I'm still in denial.