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Hi!

I'm going to admit that I've been stocking this site for several years without ever making myself an account :p And its been a good couple of weeks since I made an account and I've still only been stocking so far :p

I don't know whether I have asperger's or not, and I don't necessarily think its particularly important. I guess maybe that's because I'm lucky to have had parents who told me at least twice a day that it's okay to be different as long as you're a good person and treat other people with kindness and respect. And I'm also lucky that I can do pretty much whatever I need to do as far as life skills and social situations go, even when I'm tired or a bit confused. I am pretty bad at understanding jokes (I think I get maybe 40 percent that people tell), I do take things pretty literally a lot of times, and being in new or large social groups certainly stresses me out (I just go to the bathroom and turn off the lights and stand in the corner for a couple of minutes sometimes before I go back in to a party or whatever other social gathering). But I'm pretty good at hiding my awkward (more so now than I was in high school or college), although I think I still come off as "eccentric" (that's the nice word people start to use once you kind of become an adult :p), especially once you've known me for a little while. I'm going to give you an example:

The other day, I was at a conference and I passed one of the guys that I work with on the way to the classroom. He said "Loser says what!" and I said "Good morning!" And he laughed and walked away. I actually didn't hear what he said in this case. But a lot of times, even when I do hear what was said, people say things that just don't make a whole lot of sense. I have to think about it for a couple of minutes before I understand. So, in the meantime, I just smile and say whatever else would be the polite thing. Since it was morning, "good morning!" worked. Since I'm used to not understanding, I didn't ask or anything. Later, the same guy came up to me and said "couldn't get you this morning." And I told him I didn't hear him and he told me what he said. It's supposed to catch people off guard- they don't quite understand what you say and so they say "What?", but since you said "Loser says what." that makes them the loser. And then you get to laugh at them. So, it really was rather complicated, but if I hadn't told him I hadn't heard, I could have just smiled the second time he talked to me too and then he would never have known that I didn't understand what had happened (and I might not have ever figured it out either).

I've sort of figured I might have asperger's since I was 14 or 15. And other people have said it to me too. My sister thinks I do, one of my friends has mentioned it, and my Mom told my sister she thought I did, but she never said it to me. But I never really cared. I sort of just figured that I was who I was regardless of what you wanted to call it. And then in the past two or so years I ran into two different situations that made me think that maybe I'd like to find out whether I actually have asperger's or not.

A couple of summers ago, I was a camp counselor for a group of teens 14-17 years old. Just by coincidence, it turned out there were a couple of girls in my tent with aspergers. I did really well with them: I think better than any of the other counselors in our group. One of the girls had brought her entire Harry Potter collection with her as sort of a safety blanket (I myself had refrained from bringing all seven but did have two of the books in my suitcase as well). And I knew that talking to her about Harry Potter would make her feel more comfortable, so I did. And the other girl had a few problems getting along with a friend of hers, and I helped the two of them sort it out. Then one night, the conversation in the cabin turned to aspergers. One of the girls was much more confident than the other and she told everybody she had aspergers and did a very good job of explaining what it was. The other girl just sat on the bed and didn't say anything. I wished that I could have said "Yeah, actually I have asperger's too. It makes it hard to blankety blank but I still really like blahdey blah." I was the counselor- all those girls liked and respected me, even the "cool" ones. And I would have liked to be able to be an example of somebody who was okay with who they were even though they were different. It was okay, because the one girl did a beautiful job on her own. But, solidarity, you know? So anyways, that situation made me think that I'd really like to be involved somehow in empowering kids with autism or working on rights of people with autism. I could do that whether I have it or not. Nothing wrong with being an ally I don't think. But if I want to, I feel like I should know where I fit into the equation myself.

The second reason it occurred to me that it might be useful to have a diagnosis is that while I am competent in professional social situations and I know how to make good friendships, I have absolutely no idea how to start a romantic relationship. I'm 25, you know? It seems like it should be time. I'm really pretty terrified of the idea and had never tried at all until last year when I had a pretty huge crush on a girl (I'm mostly gay) who I was in a master's program with. But I did a really terrible job of communicating this to her. The most frustrating part was that she was doing some things that I think indicated she was at least interested in me in some way. But I couldn't tell if she liked me, and I couldn't figure out how to respond to her, or how to talk to her about it. She kissed me on the neck one night and I patted her on the head. She kissed me again and I patted her arm. And it didn't even occur to me until an hour later that this was anything more than a typical goodbye greeting. And then it was too late. She sat in the car with her head on my should for an hour one day and I didn't know what to do about it. And when I finally tried to talk to her about it, I made her cry. And so it went for about a year, and then I moved (to West Africa). But it occurs to me that possibly a similar situation could come up some day, and it would be nice to have a little bit of competence. Maybe if I had a diagnosis, I could take a class on how to do romantic relationships or something? Does that exist? I dunno, I'd like to have that some day.

So anyways, that's a really long way of saying... "Hello. I don't know if I have aspergers. Do you think I might? And do you think that it would be worthwhile to look into getting a diagnosis?" Thanks so much for "listening" to all that.

Also, while I'm here, I'm going to say that I love the humor of some of you on this site And the honesty.

Besides the parts about asperger's (it's not that that's the biggest thing about me. I just talked a lot about it because...well this is a site for people with ASD and I've never really had a chance to talk to people with ASD about this before), but anyways, besides all that, I'm a Peace Corps volunteer in West Africa and I'm working on my master's degree in Natural Resource Management. I really like contra dancing, birds, capoeira, Harry Potter, and generally being outside in the woods.

Welcome to WP! Thank you for sharing your story. It's cool that you volunteer for the Peace Corps. I look forward to getting to know you better on the forums.

Hey Louehni welcome.

hi, louehni. welcome. i envy your peace corps experience. my uncle was a forest ranger manager. do you want to do something like that?

Thank you! I'm looking forward to getting to know you all as well!

Cathylynn- I think I'd like to do research on biodiversity. If you ever want to hear about the application process or what peace corps is like, just ask. People with lots of different backgrounds, ages, skill sets, etc are volunteers.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi, I'm new here myself. I just joined today.
I live in Washington State.
Your story is interesting and I would love to learn more about the natural environment where you are currently living.

Hello, welcome to here