Wife of an Aspie

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Hi there, I am not ASD myself but my husband is. I am here because I need to learn how to communicate with him better.

I am starting to realise that due to the way I grew up, I rely very heavily on expressing myself through non-verbal communication, especially in public. I am trying to improve on how I communicate with him, but I am often baffled by how he interprets things I have said. I do not know how to communicate with him discreetly in public without both of us becoming frustrated. Communicating with him in public is the most difficult because I because I tend to be very cautious of what I say in public and how I present myself, compared to when it is just me and him alone.

So I am here, because I want to understand him better and how he sees the world, I also would like advice on styles of communication that someone with high functioning ASD might prefer. When I ask him, he always tells me that he doesn't know.

Be direct as possible with. Also, let him know things in advance, so that he doesn't get overwhelmed. "I'd like to go out sometime next week to dinner with you." It shouldn't be too difficult. I think NT women in particular are so used to just assuming other people know what their intentions are, hence the plethora of jokes "I think you know." line comes in. Honestly as someone who is high functioning, NT women can be so annoying with that, No offense. I can actually pick up on non-verbal cues, but they just make me mad when the person isn't direct. I mean, if I were dating a girl and I knew she was upset and kept telling me everything was fine, I would tell her "Okay, well don't complain to me later when I tried to help." So, anyway be direct. Don't assume he knows how you feel, unless you flat out tell him. If you're upset, tell him you're upset and why, don't assume he knows. Just practice not assuming.

Welcome to WP! Hope you get the insight you need.

Hey Calstorm welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Perhaps you could teach him specific non verbal "words"--sort of like learning the very basics of a foreign language?

Some Aspies are quite capable of learning new things if we have enough time and a very patient teacher.

I couldn't play catch with my father because it took too long for me to learn--though I eventually learned to catch a ball in my 30s.