My story

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I had no friends at all before college. I didn't understand why people were calling me quiet when they never spoke to me. I couldn't stand anyone in my class and how they treated me like a baby. I kept my mouth shut completely, only answering questions with a simple answer such as yes or no and otherwise not speaking whatsoever which I guess built up and eventually just made me crash with anxiety and depression.

It began one lunch sitting in the class room listening to others talking. I suddenly felt extremely dizzy like I'd lose my balance and I didn't know what to do so I told the teacher I was sick and went home. It didn't get better and I felt awful about it, I was scared I'd get so dizzy I wouldn't be able to stand and it drove me mad. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with me of course. It lasted for months and I missed many school days because of it. It then changed into a breathing problem, I felt I could never catch my breath and it also scared the hell out of me even more than the dizziness did and generally ruined my life 24/7.

Eventually after many doctor visits I was referred to a physiotherapist and was prescribed with antidepressants. After a while of taking them my life improved incredibly and I even learned some social skills that I didn't realize I was lacking such as making eye contact with people when speaking to them and answering questions with a little more detail than yes or no. I looked forward to starting college as the people there wouldn't know me and treat me normally, at least at first perhaps giving me time to make a friend that wouldn't.

I had started college and guy came up to me and spoke to me and to my surprise, spoke to me like I was normal which made it a lot easier to reply to even though I said very little it just so happened that he liked gaming like me and persisted in asking questions. Eventually I was able to open up and had a genuine friend that I can speak to normally, (or at least normal in my view :/) The problem was he had many other friends and I only had him. I became kind of obsessed with him and tried to get him to go out constantly which annoyed him, though I didn't realize until I asked my parents why he was getting angry and they explained it to me. We're now pretty good friends and there are no issues though I only see him about once a year now that college is finished and speak to him online about once a week.

After college finished I started a few temporary jobs that all ended. Some weren't bad but I never made any friends there, I needed someone that was willing to make the first steps as I didn't know how. Last year I managed to get an apprenticeship in web development. It was hard but I was doing my best and it was going well though again I had no friends there. Then suddenly my boss took me into a room and told me that I wasn't motivated, didn't ask enough questions etc. I was upset and shocked by this but nevertheless began asking more questions about my work. The next week I was told that I asked too many questions and they didn't have time to deal with me! I was then sacked on the spot. Before leaving the building I advised him that he not promote a job as an apprenticeship if he was not prepared to teach someone about the job to which he remarked "Yeah but come on!" to which I had no idea what he was referring to.

I pondered the reason for his behaviour for some time but I still haven't come to any conclusion other than they simply did not like me. My next step was to apply for another college course in IT which was supposed to start last September. It didn't and they said it would instead start in January. Again it didn't, now they say it will start this September. In the mean time I've been applying for jobs and getting denied. I stopped claiming unemployment benefits as they asked me to work in a charity shop which I felt was degrading and felt like slave labour.

Anyway that's where I am now, I joined this site a few days ago. I have had a little look through some of the threads and seen a lot of you in similar situations. You all seem to be very kind and accept one another's views on things I look forward to hearing more about how you all have coped living on this wrong planet.

Welcome to WP! I'm glad you've had a good first impression of this forum.

Hey asp159 welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi, welcome! Do you still have problems with dizziness or feeling off balance when you stand? The reason I ask is because I have neurally mediated hypotension, I don't know if this is common in others with Asperger's or if this is something unique to me. It is caused by a miscommunication between the brain and the heart, so that when I stand for longer than a minute, my blood pressure plummets. So I have to avoid standing still. I am the opposite of most of the world, my blood pressure is always too low. I am actually on medication to raise my blood pressure. I'm just mentioning this so you are aware that there could be something else causing the dizziness other than the stress of being around people who expect you to speak when you don't feel like saying much.

If you have what I have, neurally mediated hypotension, there is a test for it called the tilt table test, where they strap you on a special bed (so you can't fall) and they gradually tilt the bed to higher and higher angles while they are monitoring your blood pressure. If you have NMH your blood pressure will drop. My doctor did not have the equipment to do this, so he tested my blood pressure while I sat and then had me stand still a couple minutes and tested it again. I used to think I was stupid because I could not handle a cashier's job where you have to stand all day and check out people's groceries. I would get very confused and give people the wrong change etc. I now know it's because my brain was not getting enough oxygen.

In 1995 (I am a bit older than you) the movie Apollo 13 came out. It was the true story of a mission to the moon that failed because something went wrong with the oxygen system and the crew was running out of oxygen so they had to try to get back to earth. (They did eventually make it back). At one point one of the astronauts taped a note on a critical button on the instrument panel that said, "do not push" because he knew in a low oxygen state of mind he would get confused and if he pushed that button, they would all die. That was a real eye opening moment for me as to the effects of low oxygen on the brain. I now avoid standing still like the plague. I can walk, I can run, but I can't stand still. I've only passed out once from standing still, that was in grade school. Since then, I know what the symptoms are and I sit down before I pass out. Still I will have that confused feeling for hours if I stand still for more than a minute.

This does not help my social life, because I can't stand and talk to people. Many conversations take place while people are standing. Because of the Asperger's I already am terrible at conversation, but if it's a standing conversation I can't even pretend to engage, I have to either find a nearby place to sit, or walk away.