Introduction Early Retired (On Sabbatical) Gay Male

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Hi. I quit my job last year after it changed dramatically and the death of my final parent. I almost immediately relocated 1700 miles away to a city where I knew nobody (the last 13 years of my 25 year run with the last employer were at a relocated site 2000 miles from the "land of my people" and I never made any effort to put down any roots so it was no big deal leaving and there is maybe one person there I would call a friend (and a casual one at that). I have been here over 6 months and live like a hermit.

I spend some of my spare time on introspection and trying to figure out why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do. Quite accidentally I stumbled onto autism and AS. Not knowing anything about it really. When I took some online quizzes and read about the characteristics I as floored to realize this probably applied to me. Mid 50's and it was never once suggested to me by those around me nor did it enter my field of consciousness. I wrote off my social awkwardness to growing up gay and in the closet in the deep south in a family that imagined eternal damnation for people like me and a desire to get them help to come out of the "lifestyle" (I have one gay mid 30's cousin who, recently, went through "conversion therapy" and is now married?).

I have trouble making decisions and committing to plans without second, third and fourth guessing myself almost immediately. After quitting my job I tried to do a logical process to select a city to move to and came up with a short list of about 10 places and then basically froze because of analysis paralysis. I finally chucked all my old furniture, packed what I could fit into 10 boxes, shipped them general delivery to one of the cities on the list, and hit the road. I got a cheap apartment and some cheap furniture and haven't done much to improve my life since I got here. I do go to the gym several days a week and am in generally good health. My days are spent on the sofa watching YouTube and Netflix.

I also spend time looking at my past through an autism filter now. So much makes so much sense now. I wish I had known or suspected this sooner. I hope to spend more time here learning about autism and learning how I can improve my life. I desperately don't want to be a hermit (I think!) and also would like the option to return to work. (It is amazing how well suited my previous job was to accommodating AS. I had total control over all human interaction and had very little of it.) Before quitting I imagined a full menu of possibilities for future work but I think I need to learn more about how AS affects this because I don't want to jump into anything that is going to severely elevate my anxiety level.

If you got this far, thanks for reading! It may be the most I have ever "put out there" about myself in my whole life.

Hi RV Winkle!

Some of what you write could be describe me ... analysis paralysis ... as a therapist once put it, I feel the need for an "instruction manual" for lots of things, social and domestic and in work, and if I think it's missing I need to write it (conceptually anyway). Takes up a lot of time.

Hope you find WP useful. I'm fairly new here too.

Hey RV Winkle welcome.

Hi, Welcome! My sympathies on the loss of your last parent. I definitely get analysis paralysis too. I'm amazed that you could just pack up your stuff into ten boxes and move away. I envy that. I keep way too much junk. I get the analysis paralysis while trying to tidy up the house, thus the place is always a mess. I think you will find a lot of good reading here that may help you to better understand yourself. Lots of good people to chat with too. Are you going to need to be job hunting soon, or do you have enough funds to tied you over for a while?

Sounds great! I would love to be a hermit, but my observation is that as we age, we decrease. Decrease in strength, in ambition, in abilities, etc. So I am trying to expand as much as I can now, knowing that when I get older, my world will be smaller. I tried to take a sabbatical in Jan, but got bored and knew that someday I wouldn't be able to work, so I went back while I can.

Hi! Nice to meet you and welcome! I'm the smiley sunshine kitty here!

Hey RV

I'm in the same boat you are. I'm a 53 y/o gay man who 'retired' from my career because I couldn't cope with the changes anymore and moved to the mountains of WA state. I'm very sound sensitive so this move worked really well for me... love the quiet. I also love the solitude and the fact that there are fewer demands placed on me to conform. I'm finding that this is a double edged sword though. Without the need to conform I'm loosing my abilities to socialize effectively. I've had a few small jobs here that haven't worked out because I'm starting to have trouble following cues again.

I hope you enjoy the rest you get from your move. I'd love to chat more if you feel like it.