I've always been stressed since 3rd grade. I feel i can't do what i want, because anytime i just let myself being the way i'm someone recognise me and make fun of me.
Even tough I'm way above my childhood sometimes the abuse i went through come back in memories and i'm nowhere to escape.
My family care less about me, i even feel i'm just someone they somehow still able to walk through instead of kicking me out of the apartment i currently live in yet.
I'm not looking for excuses for being a "waste" as i don't have a job, i used to have a job i worked for almost a year but i had to stop because mentally i went crazy. I had nightmares, shame on the way i have to earn my money in order to get from 1 to 2, but i figured out working this way will lead nowhere.
i'm not living in any developed country and average payment here usually enough to struggle from a month to another, being an asperger doesn't help me to get above average salary and help me to stand up and chase my dreams.
What can i do? Should i posses myself into a zombie and accept every sh***y job, just to fit in the crowd? I feel, i have depression and i can't pretend being normal, people will use me and take advantage of my illness.
Most people can't even imagine outside the US or the "highly developed" world about how hard someone has to struggle in order just to maintain live where i came from.
I can't blame being Asperger to have a harder time finding a job with normal salary.
I'm not bad enough to accept anything they give me in order to accept, or being complete mental dependent person.
Sometimes i feel like i'm inside a bottle, and i see the life through the glass.
I even ask myself, if im a human? A human has the needs to be in a community, have friends, have someone in life. I'm just feel like a single player guy that somehow live inside a human's body.
18 Jul 2016, 2:26 pm
