Is it just me?

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Good morning, all. I am trying to determine if I might have aspergers, something else, or if it's just me.

I was born three months premature, could see until age nine but am now totally blind, have never been very social, and have always been awkward.

Briefly, let me unpack some of that.

My earliest memory is knowing that my life was about to change (going blind, I expect). I remember knowing that I understood things, but I remember that I didn't understand it. It is as if my subconscious mind knew things that my conscious mind couldn't access.

I have always said things that are awkward or out-of-place even as a child. In coming back from Disney World, there was a huge rain storm, and I said to the cashier at the convenience store, "We just came from Florida. We're not used to all this rain." That might not sound that awkward in writing, but of course all of these little awkward moments come from the moment in time, and the fact that I was an eight-year-old kid, at least in that example.

I spent a lot of time in doctor office waiting rooms as a child, and I have always found it very easy to get lost in my own thoughts. Maybe because of not having anything else to do, I'm not sure.

I have always been curious, and find myself asking a thousand questions before someone can finish their explanation. My wife always tells me I could find out what I want to know if I wait a minute or two, and sure enough, the answer to my question is found in the next few sentences of a book, etc.

My brain has always processed things more slowly. I speak English and Spanish (Spanish as a second language), and find myself freezing up (most often in Spanish), because I can't process everything. I struggle with figuring out how to articulate what I want to say, though, in any case, no matter the language.

I am always that person who says things at the wrong time, in a slightly awkward way that makes people laugh. I am glad I can make people laugh, but I wish I knew why.

I sometimes get overly excited, which can appear strange to others.

I'll resist the temptation to go on and on, and I hope this helps shed some light on what I am trying to figure out. Dont' hesitate to ask any additional questions, because I am happy to help explain more. I have always been more comfortable in writing, and never kno what to say when talking to therapists, etc. They'll ask what brings me in an I always want to say, "Everything!"

I always walk around frowning and feel constant tension and anxiety, even at home, and I am very jumpy. I really wish I could stop these two things. I have always been horrible at casual conversation. Conversations trail off with me, unless I'm talking about the weather, my job, etc. I have never cared nor understood pop culture, and I have a hard time remembering plots, characters, even famous people and events. I remember being in around seventh or eighth grade and having to look up what WW II was, because I just knew it was this huge world event that was really tragic. It is as if there is too much information and I don't know where to start in processing it.

Anyway, thanks for any help and I hope you all have a great day!

Hi, welcome to WP. I'm totally blind also.

None of the characteristics you mentioned, in and of themselves, sound like any sort of disorder in particular, except perhaps the anxiety? Maybe if you described some of them in more detail on threads made just for them, people could respond to them? Also, you might find some of the online screening tests mentioned in some of the sticky threads interesting, as they put your strengths and weaknesses right in front of you, in a new way.

Hey constantlycurious16 welcome.

Welcome! You may have Asperger's. Do you have trouble making friends? Any sensory sensitivities?

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Good afternoon,

Thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate your validating my thoughts about anxiety. Yes, I have noticed that I have always suffered from massive anxiety in almost every situation, whether alone at home or at work, or in a crowd. I tend to think blindness has nothing to do with it, which makes me ever more determined to concur it.

I have recently found meditation and focusing on the present moment to be especially useful. It has also changed the way people react to me.

For example, I wanted to buy a bag of chips last night at a local store, and realized I was using my blindness as a way of masking my general anxiety about asking for help, walking around in the store, etc. Blindness, in and of itself, has nothing to do with my anxiety, but I have come to understand that I blame many things on that, when in reality it is just me. Which actually is extremely helpful, because it lets me know how to improve myself to be more comfortable with who I am.

Thanks again for your reply. Where do I find these screening tests with on sticky threads?

Hi, welcome to WP. I'm totally blind also.

None of the characteristics you mentioned, in and of themselves, sound like any sort of disorder in particular, except perhaps the anxiety? Maybe if you described some of them in more detail on threads made just for them, people could respond to them? Also, you might find some of the online screening tests mentioned in some of the sticky threads interesting, as they put your strengths and weaknesses right in front of you, in a new way.

Thanks for your message. Definite trouble making friends because I am always awkward and find myself getting lost in my thoughts. No texture or other sensitivities.

I took a mindfulness meditation class and also found it helpful for my generalized anxiety. As for asking for help, maybe if you could come up with some positive thoughts around the topic? We all help each other, and that's a healthy part of being human. I've come across some very helpful grocery employees, and lots of other people also.

There's a sticky thread about scientific tests toward the top of the General Autism Discussion forum:
viewtopic.php?t=113459

Not all the links on page 1 still work, I remember that. The Aspie Quiz link is still valid. One of the tests goes to OKCupid, and you have to sign up after taking the test, so I didn't do that one. Toward the end of the thread, people updated some of the links.

Here are a couple, to make it easier:
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
http://www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest
http://aspietests.org/eq/index.php