Hi, a surprising twist in my PhD research!

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Hi,

As the title suggests, I find myself here in a surprising twist at the beginning of my PhD research. Won't go into too much detail on the PhD as it is massively complex, but it involves writing a personal narrative reflecting my relationship to medicine/doctors/psychiatrists.

I've had nearly 40 years of confusion over why it is I am consistently told "you're weird" and asked "what is wrong with you?" Today I attended a follow up at a specialist therapy institution to decide if I would continue with treatment. There was some dispute over what "trauma" actually is and if my near photographic/videographic memory of events might not be trauma but might instead just be "my own unique brain" (!)

I was there after a crisis and during an investigation into some of my son's symptoms: night terrors, auditory sensitivity and yet paradoxically appearing deaf when he "zones out", extreme naivety and openness, having meltdowns over things that are "illogical" to him, etc.

Discussing all this with my wife we realised that both my father and her parents had similar symptoms throughout their lives. I was shocked to discover (partly due to the perpetuating of autism "myths") that many of my own issues narrated in the PhD can easily be explained by Aspergers. I told the (very kind) lady today that the psychiatrist who saw me 15 years before noted my "flat affect" and "monotonous tone". I tried to ask about this persistent issue I had with anger at seemingly illogical facets of society (often tiny details) but she dismissed this (and other issues) with "if you have anger then that's your responsibility and you should deal with it." I was actually trying to be really open about something quite embarrassing that I had grown to understand as not "normative".

Anyway, I asked if Aspergers would be a problematic issue with trauma treatment (centrally about my sister's death) and she said no. I decided to postpone anything else until well into my PhD as I am a little overwhelmed with the thought of travel right now (especially sleeping in a strange place/building/room) for Uni enrolment.

Welcome! Glad that you've finally discovered who you are.

Hey PrinceAspien welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Your experience sounds similar to mine in some ways, though I never sought an advanced degree. If you can find someone who specializes in treating trauma in autistic patients, they can be remarkably helpful; most psych practitioners try to help people return to a 'baseline' that assumes one was neurotypical before trauma, something I never realized until I myself was diagnosed. Such training is unfortunately rare, but hopefully the 'specialist therapy institution' can put you in touch with someone who is at least understanding and respectful of the nature of your mind. In any case, welcome to our planet!

thanks Quiet Water!

What really held me back was this therapist's insistence that treatment would require "family therapy" before any individual work could begin. This really would not go down well with my wife at all (understatement) and now I regret telling her we were getting my son tested for auditory issues.

Knowing my weakness now though, I handled things differently when trying to explain why I would pause at the moment and retain the right to take them up on the offer later; I have learned from painful experience that "radical" honesty and transparency are not the best option most of the time in all situations (something I am now looking at in my PhD).

welcome