Good Evening from New York City!

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Hello everyone,
I'm Chris. I'm 27, I'm gay, I'm a full-time graphic designer in advertising, and I'm on the verge of finding a new clarity in my life.

Growing up, I always knew I was different. I was always the weird artist who was respected for his gifts but demonized for being odd. Discovering I was gay and dealing with that answered a question, but there were so many more. Unfortunately, while I discovered what homosexuality was fairly early, I never really understood autism.

There was a cognitive dissonance that never was addressed - on one side, being told I was a normal kid, on the other side being tormented for being different, and in my head trying to navigate the contradictions that caused me to not understand who I was.

I was always awful at math, but I was average or excelled in other classes. I also never really acted out in class. I kept to myself and paid attention or tuned out and drew pictures on my notes. So aside from being dubbed a "space cadet" by teachers, there weren't a ton of flags raised, especially in comparison to my younger brother, who, while possessing social skills I would endlessly envy, was incredibly disruptive in school and did anything he could to stir the pot.

It took me moving in with a friend of 15 years to realize how "different" he was. He triggered the ah-hah moment that led me to realizing why we're such good friends in the first place.

I researched - watching videos, reading articles and personal accounts, coming here and reading people's posts, and I discovered - Oh man, I MIGHT be on the spectrum.

I never knew that my excited jumping and hand flapping episodes were a symptom. I never knew that my obsessive interest in my favorite bands and buildings and maps and, as a child, cartoons was a symptom. I never knew being presented with a trigger that sends me off into an impassioned one way conversation when I'm otherwise shy and listless, was a symptom. I never knew that my inability to follow conversations was a symptom. I never knew that my clumsiness and sensitivity to overwhelming sensory inputs was a symptom. I never knew that my ability to draw the NYC skyline entirely from memory was a symptom. I never understood why I simultaneously felt proud and ashamed of my talents.

I spoke to some family members about my discovery and learned that my parents didn't understand that autism wasn't reserved for children who needed constant guidance in school. I also learned that my grandmother has apparently had me diagnosed in her mind since I was a young child, a fact I learned during the week of my grandfather's death, when my steady hand and logical head was evidently an appreciated dynamic in an otherwise very emotionally charged time.

So now a few years have passed without an official diagnosis, and the weight of these questions has grown heavier and heavier, and i've reached the tipping point of needing to find out the truth.

Last week I saw a psychologist and told him everything. He told me that in addition to my ADHD (diagnosed 4 years ago) it's likely that I'm on the spectrum with co-morbidity of social anxiety and obsessive behaviors. He suggests I come back for neurological testing, and I intend to.

In the meantime, I suddenly feel encouraged to open up to others - I want to be part of a community that will help me leave shame behind. I'm here to share the journey of my discovery with those who have shared and continue to share theirs, and most importantly of all, I'm here because I'm (most likely) on the autism spectrum, and I can't wait to join the conversation with all of you.

- Chris
Btw, here's one of my memory drawings of the city, depicted 5 years-ish in the future, with notable new buildings completed.

Thank you for your detailed intro Chris, welcome to WP! May your stay on our unique planet be long, fruitful and happy!

I'm gay too and my interests are research, writing (both fiction and non fiction - write a weekly blog), cryptic crosswords, scrabble, painting, and also running. I always knew too that I was different but the reason for this eluded me for many years until my eventual diagnosis by a psychiatrist - many previous ones during my school life etc being mystified.

I have learned much as the pieces fell into place and use my experiences to help others where possible.

I stim too - an action described as "flying" during my school years.

Awesomely cool drawing!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

There is an LGBT forum here on WP for members who are LGBT.

Hey Chris welcome.

Thanks, everyone

im late to the hi party i see haha


so uh....late hi!

your not the only gay guy on this website haha, i am too, also theres a section near the bottom for those kind of questions

i love new york city! i went there on holiday for a week about 2 years back (literally....two years ago this week actually) it was the best.

Welcome! Congratulations on figuring out who you are. That drawing is amazing!