Hello please read this!

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Not entirely sure how to start this - here goes.

I'm a un diagnosed 27 year old male, I work in construction. My little sister, has Asperger's syndrome she was diagnosed at a young age, she's recently turned 18. Over the years this has made me come to realize after always hearing my mother talk about it and certain traits my sister has I started to wonder myself if I to have traits. My mother would tell me I was a lot like my younger sister when I was a kid in some ways. Which I thought was interesting. I have been threw a lot in my life and the battle hasn't stopped yet, al thought it has slowed down inside my head. by the time I was 17 I had clinical depression without even realizing it.

10 Years later of intense mental battling I am on the right track with my life, hence i'm starting to notice certain traits of this condition, I'm not a fan of my girlfriend touching me it makes me feel uncomfortable, I find it hard to understand and feel her emotions and why she feeling a certain why, I come off very cold at times and uncaring but deep down i do but cant express it at the time, I have had this same problem with basically any serious realationship iv been in. I don't understand why they are so upset or basically whats the big deal ? my attitude can be just get on with it and block it out. I can imagine how it must feel but i find it hard to feel the emotion. But then ill watch a sad movie and ill get upset if something sad happens or if i see animals being hurt it really gets to me. I don't like certain textures, cant stand creams, sunscreen etc, i don't like kissing my girls friend on the lips as it makes my lips wet and gives me a uncomfortable feeling, so I'm forever wiping my mouth after we kiss, I'm quite logical at times, i pick up on other peoples behaviours quickly, i cant stand small talk only enjoy talking to people i feel comfortable with and i feel understand me which isn't many, other wise i dont talk or try to. Iv worried about dying my whole life, i worry about getting cancer, losing my mum, the world ending, I have battled full on depression and got threw it on my own without any medication or help. It has left me with really bad memory loss i cant remember what i did 2 days ago sometimes, things iv said, i forget my feelings, and forget what I'm driving forward for also because of it.

I'm thinking i should go and get diagnosed for the condition althought i dont feel like theres anything wrong with me but its nice to know why i am the way i am instead of worrying and wondering why i feel like this and why i dont care etc, its hard being in a relationship and these things are going on it makes you question a lot,

any feed back would be nice I'm still lost with it all at the moment

^^^hi Nick I believe you're in the right place right here on WP

Are there people on here who can provide some clarity to all this id love to hear feed back and thoughts, i tried to keep it short and sweet, or similar situations

I am not sure I grok what you mean by "clarity" but in terms of similar situations that you mentioned, I think you'll find many here who went through similar life pathways. in my case, my mother I am sure was on the autism spectrum, and I also am pretty sure my paternal relations are on the schizoid spectrum. I have both in me. I wasn't dx'ed until my early 40s, early in life various shrinks said I was schizoid/schizotypal, then later on adjudged to have "autistic traits." as a young adult dx'ed as ADHD inattentive subtype, then finally AS a while later. people have judged me to be in the "uncanny valley" due to my lack of receptive/transmissive body language, as well as odd vocal prosody. I can tell when people are feeling emotions for the most part, and I try at-one-ment and rapport but I am very clumsy at it and it comes off as just weird. my male siblings have a variable degree of social impairment, but my sister is mostly NT. I had dysthymia for many years which came to a peak in my late 30s, which is when I got the ADHD dx, given frontal lobe stimulants which made me feel mostly hot-headed and nasty, until finally I was given Strattera which made me feel "normal" for the first time in my life. but my cheap-@$$ medical insurance stopped covering it after a few months so I had to quit cold-turkey. I found that vigorous daily exercise and modified diet gives me some of the benefits of Strattera, however.
in terms of sensitivity to touch, I don't have that, but I don't like certain textures of things- for example, I can't handle suntan lotion on my skin, it makes me feel greasy and hot and "plugged up." I am a somewhat atypical aspie in that I am mostly illogical and intuitive. I like small talk and do it much better than big talk, my mind does much better with bite-sized cognitions. I am absent-minded and accident-prone with mediocre proprioception, this is a lifelong condition. I have to write down "my brains on paper" to keep me on track. I had one relationship, it was with somebody else on WP who basically swept me off my feet as I am hopeless at establishing any relationship with anybody for any reason. she quickly grew tired of/irritated with me and found satisfaction elsewhere. it was like I was always having to "walk on eggshells" because I never knew what would offend her. it is like that between me and people in general, also life-long. I definitely do feel defective but I am the way god made me, i'm defective for a reason/s that I am confident that in the fullness of time I will have revealed to me, when I am able to understand better.
it is my humble opinion that more information/data is never a bad thing, so Nick, if I was you i'd pursue the Dx, with a Dx you will have more information with which to guide your life.

I'm not sure about clarity either, but I can relate to some of what you spoke of. I imagine most people here can. It's not just a you thing.

I know what you mean about the dx talk. There is something to be said for gaining understanding about what is going on in your head, life, reality... I was diagnosed as an adult and while it's easy for me to say now to think the dx is not so important to me, it really was back then. It kinda put a thumbtack in the map of my life saying, yeah, you are here. That gave me a starting point to figure out not only what was going on with me, but which 'roads' to take while moving forward. Navigating life is a lot easier when you know where you are, so to speak. At least it was for me.

Anywhichway... hello and welcome to you.

Hey Nick welcome.

Welcome! It sounds like you have several traits of Asperger's.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

hey! welcome! i hope you find what you need here

Dude, now you've begun to suspect it will only get worse until you know. And, knowing, the sheer bloody minded invisibility of the grown up aspire in the world will gnaw at you. Well, it does at me.

Deeper, the role of undiagnosed autistics in getting our planet to the state it's in is - well, sickening. Look at the state of America. For two and a half centuries the yardstick for the world and now??? Yes, autistics and the blindness to autism of both normals and us are to blame. Really.
So, the official diagnosis is important because that's a lever against the ignorance. Your steady pressure against that lever, however small its effect, is the best you can do towards saving the race from its otherwise inevitable doom. I kid you not, we are on the brink.

Hello and welcome to the forums Nick, hope you have some fun here!