New here- trying to figure out if I have some aspects of ASD

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Hey, guys. My apologies for the really long post, but I'm basically trying to note and list as many things I can think of about myself that may relate to the Asperger's condition, to give you a profile. So bear with me. I've never been officially diagnosed, but I'm curious about it. I'm also rather tired due to lack of sleep, so forgive me if I ramble on or seem incoherent at times.

Is it possible to only be slightly Asperger's, or just near the spectrum, or just to have a few aspects of it, while still being largely “neurotypical”? From what I understand, everyone's case is somewhat different and unique, and it's not necessarily a disorder with a definite set of features for all (which makes sense, as you're dealing with something largely neurological, and the brain is a very complex organ we don't even fully understand yet).

I'm having trouble figuring out whether there really is something to this disorder and if I have it, or if I'm just a weird introvert with occasional social anxiety stemming from some “missed out” crucial years in my social development. Is Asperger's completely something you're just born with (the “nature” side), or does environment, upbringing, and life experience have a role to play (the “nurture” side)?

For example, I've taken those tests that are supposed to detect or measure it on several occasions, and while I've never actually scored past the threshold line, I seem to score consistently fairly close to it (though I imagine part of it is subjective). I've been to psychologists and psychiatrists for other issues before, and they never mention or suggest anything like Asperger's on their own, unless I specifically ask about it, and they then either dismiss or try to skirt the issue, instead focusing on things like anxiety and attention more.

I think I still have largely neurotypical thought patterns, although sometimes they seem a bit at odds with other people. Nowadays I generally come across as a normal dude at first, but after getting to know me for a while, some people might think there is something a bit “off” that they can't really explain (no one's ever mentioned anything like autism or Asperger's to me, however.. they just assume I'm a little awkward at times; and there's some friends I seem to have been able to fool entirely). Like occasionally, on an off day when I'm tired and not paying attention much, I may say some things that don't quite make sense or follow, like making a joke that kind of falls flat due to bad timing or by failing to explain a connection to the previous statement that seems obvious to me but is not necessarily so to the other people. Or accidentally say something to rub someone the wrong way a little bit, because I don't make it obvious through tone that I was kidding or being sarcastic, though I do notice it as soon as it happens. I may just blurt some things out without really thinking about the consequences. I definitely have moderate ADD and this might affect my interactions with others, since paying attention to what everyone is saying is essential.. lately I've been starting to take some meds for it, though I don't want to become dependent.

Sometimes, I have trouble picking up on certain subtle social cues, especially when pertaining to the meaning of some verbal interactions, and especially in group settings. Like some people just automatically know when its time to go or when someone is BSing or whatever, even though there isn't anything particularly obvious to point this out to me. Soon after, I definitely realize it though, so I'm not totally oblivious. This could mean something, or it could just mean I haven't had as much practice with this, or paid attention to/looked for it, in crucial formative parts of my social life, like during my teenage and high school years (I'm an only child and my family moved around very often growing up so at one point I kind of gave up trying to make new friends for a little while, plus I didn't like the hick country environment I was in, since my interests were very at odds with them and their football and Nascar; in college, however, I started making many new friends again and changed a lot for the better). I used to come across as aloof to a lot of people, but I've made efforts to change this.

On the other hand, though, I actually naturally pick up on a lot of subtle cues, especially pertaining to body language, more than many other people I know. Like I can easily tell if someone is getting bored or annoyed with a certain conversation or interaction based on slight changes in facial expression, body arrangement (while many other people keep blabbering on as if they don't notice, I adjust myself if this is the case); I can tell quite easily if women are attracted based on little things they do like play with their hair, certain kinds of eye contact, subtle smiles or expressions, way the body is angled, use of touch, etc. And that happens to me fairly often. Yet in the absence of body language and other visual cues, I sometimes have minor issues, like if I'm having a longer phone convo with someone I don't know well; I may be prone to cutting them off sometimes because I'm not used to their speech patterns like with those I do know.

As for empathy, I certainly have it; I do care for others and if they're troubled, in pain, feeling good, or whatever, especially if they're friends or family. And this quality has grown over time for me. However, I'll admit that I probably don't focus as much on what the other person perceives from their perspective in an average social interaction, always looking at it from just my own, unless in retrospect much later (then again, this is a common problem for many “normal” people too)... yet at the same time, I still care what others think about me, if that makes sense. I just don't necessarily “tune into” it the right way during an interaction all the time. Also, I can sort of selectively turn on my interest in certain other people; a lot of times I don't care as much about what's going on with them, but if I really wanted to, I could easily do so. There's other people who seem to always be interested in others and their lives, thoughts, motivations, goals, so on, which helps them significantly with social interactions, but it takes a special kind of person to get me to want to do this; otherwise I have to kinda force myself. Still, I have had many crushes throughout my life and probably even came close to being "in love" at one point, which I hear is difficult for some on the spectrum to do.

I've heard Asperger's sufferers tend to stay focused on little details and minutiae too much. As for me, it varies. At times I may focus on low-level details of an interaction too much, but more often, I'd say I actually gloss over these and all I get out of something is simply the big picture (or at least what I think is the big picture). Which can also be a problem, because I don't pay attention to or absorb little details that may be important or that others found important and make references to, since I was dwelling too much on what I can take away from it overall. Same also goes for when I read and study things.

I do tend to retreat into my own world pretty often... I'm someone who needs a lot of “me” time to recharge after a busy day of interaction and stimulation of various kinds. I might have some nerdy or obscure academic interest or hobby that I spend a couple of hours on, or spend time gaming, reading, and watching stuff on my own for a while, or just lay down and relax, losing myself while thinking of another world or time entirely. But on the other hand, I've had no problem sharing rooms with others for many years, and I actually go out and do social things very often, almost every day, which I find enjoyable. I'd say I actually go out at night with friends more often than a lot of people my age do, to things like bars, parties, and clubs... I tend to drink a fair amount these days, and occasionally chill and smoke herb with some friends, lol. I also attend things like EDM concerts with thousands of people and feel great in these environments, where everybody is feeding off others energy and it's all like a big family. I've heard actual Asperger's/autistic people often have trouble in settings like these.

I also date pretty often for someone who might not be totally “normal”, mostly through online things like Tinder, but occasionally I meet them through other methods. Many of these dates are not totally successful, but luckily I do hook up occasionally since I'm pretty good looking. Nonetheless, I've learned the hard way that things like confidence, game, smoothness, personality, romantic connection, etc. matter way more to girls than looks alone, which is why I had trouble holding many down. In grad school I've gone out with one girl for almost a year, but haven't really had a long-term steady relationship longer than that, and even then it's usually somewhat casual, at least from my perspective, as I'm afraid of long-term commitment sometimes and am always looking for someone better, or who at least is unique and more on the same page I am. That's why I like nerdy girls for actual relationships, but for just one night stands, I prefer your more typical “hot chicks”.

Hmm, what else... as a kid I used to have a few nervous tics, but I don't really do them anymore and have grown out of them. I also had a bit of a stuttering problem, but doubt if that's related to ASD. My friends often think of me as one of the smarter people they know, especially in a “book smarts” kind of sense, but not as much in a practical, “street smarts” kind of way.

Finally, one of the most noticeable issues I have which seems to align with some on the spectrum is my difficulty in picking out what a given person is saying if there are many sounds happening at the same time, such as at a packed club where there are dozens of people talking and loud music blaring from the speakers. While loud background noise can occasionally be a problem for many people, I still notice most people are able to deal with this fairly easily somehow, like it's not really an issue. The thing is though, when it comes to just pure hearing, I'm actually above-average, and can hear what someone is saying three rooms away or a mouse scurrying in the wall; I just need things to otherwise be relatively quiet. There's something about many people just talking at the same time that makes it very difficult for me to discern what one person is saying, and I think this has more to do with audio processing in the back of the brain than an ear issue. I can't seem to read peoples lips for the life of me either, so that doesn't help. This is the main reason why I don't do that well in club settings... I often have to either get right up to their face or have to repeatedly ask someone to repeat what they said, and after saying “what?” or “huh?” enough times they just annoyed and walk away lol. Sometimes, to avoid this, I may just guess or pretend I understood what they said, but that can lead to an even more awkward situation if my response is totally off haha. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this problem?

Phew. Anyway that's about all I got for now. Reading over this, I can see how me just typing all these paragraphs is weird enough in its own way and probably comes across as sort of Aspergers-y lol. There's A LOT of stuff in here, and I don't realistically expect people to respond to and address all of it. So, all in all, what's the verdict? I imagine opinions will differ on this.

Hey The Dewd welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thanks lol. Yeah that post was wayy too long. I guess I just kinda let loose there since I never talk about this stuff to anyone in real life and probably never will, and I see this forum as a place to vent and process my thoughts about it, almost like a therapist. I don't usually go on long tangents like that. But again, thanks for the welcome. Seems like an interesting site.

Welcome! There's something called BAP (Borader Autism Phenotype) which is for people who have some traits of ASD but not the full diagnosis. I can't say for sure whether you have autism or not, but it's worth checking out.

Ah, you meant Broader Autism Phenotype. Yeah, that makes sense. If anywhere, that seems to be where I most likely fit.

Y'know it's funny, I used to be dreadfully afraid of even the slightest possibility of having anything to do with the spectrum, as if it was the worst thing in the world and meant that you were basically an alien or social pariah, but I honestly don't think it's as bad as some people seem to make it out to be. Most people on it can still learn adequate social skills, get into a functional, satisfying relationship, and have a good life if they put your mind to it and have a positive attitude as opposed to a pessimistic, defeatist one. You just gotta approach it from a sorta different angle, I guess, given your unique situation. Know what your strengths are and where to improve. My life has gotten much better over time and I'm doing well now. Plus, a lot of famous and extraordinary people in history were probably somewhere on the spectrum. Just means they're... different, that's all. And being different can be a good thing sometimes.