A little back story.
I am 26 and "female" (whatever that means). I have always been diagnosed as bipolar. I was diagnosed at the mere age of 10. My mother said she always knew something was "different" and has always supported me. Always.
I got treatment but the pills just didn't work. Anti-depressants make me wild and the only thing that settled me down was anti-epileptics. I started Lamotrigine within the last 2 weeks and it made everything better - almost.
A friend of mine, who is bipolar and aspie, asked me if I had Asperger's in my family. Why yes, but I didn't learn til recently, as my father is adopted. His nephew (1 of 3 triplets) is one year older than me, has Asperger's, and recently contacted me asking about bipolar, as he thought he has it. My family always thought maybe my dad was bipolar and my brother has an official diagnosis, as I do.
This is where things get weird.
How is it that all 3 of us have these same concerns? So my friend sent me to do a few diagnostic tests, one of which is the Ritvo (RAADS-R). The score for a NT adult female is 85. I scored 185, trying to answer as honestly as possible and with a bias to NOT being autistic. On every test, this is the same.
I don't want to be a snowflake and I don't want to claim a label that doesn't belong to me. But I do want answers. Why have I been diagnosed with everything including bipolar 1 extreme rapid-cycling with zero verbal communication while in meltdown, BPD traits, OCD, social anxiety, agoraphobia, and PTSD?
I do things that are considered stimming, like sucking my thumb way into adulthood, tapping, constant wiggling; or having a major meltdown when my childhood teddy was destroyed at 22; or my echolalia which I do in extreme cases of anxiety; or the fact that I lose many friends due to being socially inept or unstable? I wanted friends but could never be normal enough for that or a stable job. My obsessions were always boring or irritating. But I showed all of my results to my two aspie friends and discussed many things that we had in common, and they could only say one thing - "Welcome to the club."
Please, someone tell me what I'm doing. I've had so many questions and so many random diagnoses. But this makes so much sense. I don't have empathy issues but I have so many other places. I can't even find a job due to social retardation and inappropriate conversations. But I don't want to be an imposter.
06 Apr 2017, 5:33 pm
