Coming Out as Autistic (An Introduction)

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Hey, I’m new around here and thought I should introduce myself.

So yeah. I’ve spent the past 13 years pretending to be NT. I was diagnosed at the age of 4, and I pretty much fit every stereotype the media likes to show when portraying autistic kids. Though after years of therapy, I was able to learn enough about neurotypical behavior in order to pass. And for the most part, I did. If you’ve ever read an article about “The kids who beat autism” or “The kids who outgrow autism”, I was perceived to be one of those kids.

Yeah, it wasn’t true and if you spied on me, you’d see that I still stimmed and did other autistic behaviors most thought I outgrew, but I could get away with passing as NT and only being thought of as shy, quirky, and nerdy. The few times people outed me, it always ended badly (Still remember one reaction where someone was dumbfounded that I was autistic and managed to graduate from a regular High School that wasn’t Special Ed), and every one of those encounters with other people figuring out that I’m autistic reinforced that Autism is a bad word and a bad thing and that I need to keep my diagnosis under wraps (Aside from my family, only one friend and a couple of acquaintances from long ago that I’m still technically Facebook friends with, but never speak to, know about my diagnosis). And it worked for 12 years.

Though then I hit a brick wall, and passing felt more difficult and more work. I felt like I had to deal with my diagnosis more and that reinforced nearly all my bad thoughts about ASD until I reached a point of “Screw this! Screw this NT mask I’ve been wearing for 13 years!”. So I figured that I might as well find a place to meet others where I’m not the only person on the spectrum, and hey. I lurked here every once in a while, and here I am.

OK, that was probably a mouthful and much longer than what I assume most people post as an introduction.

Thanks for reading.

That sounds like a kind of burnout.

And, yeah, the shallow, superficial, way a lot of people understand life doesn't help. That kind of treatment by people can give rise to anger and resentment which lead to thoughts like "You idiot NTs and your pathetic excuse of a worldview; what a waste of a human brain." Gee, can you tell I'm remembering a couple things?

Thing I still wonder about is how, How, did I survive 23 years on and off in retail?
Umm, well, actually, I didn't - the stress is probably what caused some existing physical health issues to increase to the point my body finally crashed bigtime and working is not an option for me any more.

Anyway, welcome to this show and we definitely have a cast of characters!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thanks

hello! i relate.

i hope you find yourself happier now

Welcome! I wore that mask for almost 40 years and it felt so good to stop wearing it once I found out that I was on the spectrum. Working with the therapist also opened up new ways for me to cope and work to not have such violent meltdowns, deal with the overload of feelings in a more healthy manor and be proud of who I am. Keeping up that mask is very tiring and can lead to other problems. We shouldn't have to hide that we are autistic from others and they should accept us for who we are. But alas, its not a perfect world! However you are among friends here and there is no need to be anybody other than who you really are. Many days I can pass for not being autistic to others who do not really know me, then I have a bad day and if they see that happening, they realize that I am on the spectrum. Mike